Source:

http://imgfave.com/popular/page:2

Calendar Wisdom.

I am trying to stick to the monthly assignments from the calendar.  In February, I have not done such a good job.  Not in March, not in April.  The major conclusion: I need to focus.  This month – on flowers, gardens & possibilities.

Garden of Possibility.

May is all about flowers – from nursery rhymes to festivals and traditions all over the world.  The gentle beauty of these blooming plants is a perfect symbol for the growing warmth and ease of the coming summer.  We also celebrate motherhood this month, often with flowers.  This month is an opportunity to recognize the power of new life, of nurturing new things into existence.  Using flowers as a metaphor, consider how the year is progressing.  What has bloomed and what is still coming along?  How does your garden grow?

Quote of the month:

“Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.  I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead.”

- Louisa May Alcott

Source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/silkegb/2603299033/in/set-….70432/

“Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.”

-Immanuel Kant

Source: http://2photo.ru/en/post/16810

It does not matter how awful anything is.  Anything can make you think, analyze, compare, and write.  Or not.  It is not a film review per se; it is more or less a letter to myself.  I need to express my feelings, even though I might be the only one ending up reading it later.  I felt that “The Barefoot Contessa” was a terrible choice.  Why would I pick an old film in the first place?  Well, I am poor these days and libraries don’t charge for renting movies, but variety is rather limited.  And when I am not in the mood for reading or doing anything useful around the house, I love to indulge in watching movies.  I picked “The Barefoot Contessa” and watched it despite my better judgment.  And it made me think.  It gave me the point of reference.  I can compare my thoughts with what others thought and wrote about the film.

“Let us never underestimate the power of a well-written letter.”

That line comes from another film “The Jane Austen Book Club”, the first that I watched from that library bunch.  It is as lovely and romantic and elegiac and contemporary as I need these days.  Apparently, Jane Austen characters loved writing letters at important junctures and they were crucial for the plot and the fate of characters.  I should probably read Jane Austen in English.  Well, why not?  I have seen the adaptations of her novels and they were lovely, too.

Coming back to “The Barefoot Contessa”.  It is an old film, made in 1954 and as I was watching it, I was swearing to myself never ever ever watch another old movie again.  It is too deliberate and boring, I might add, but I was wondering about characters why they were so roughly drawn.  So extreme, so unbelievable, so out of touch.  At some point, my interest was engaged (finally), when Maria after all her waiting for a Prince Charming found an Italian Count with whom she fell madly in love.  She married him and on the wedding night he chose to deliver her a letter in Italian (language that may very well be romantic, but the one she does not understand).  I would not judge how well the letter was written but it was to tell the wife that her husband could not be a husband as far as intimate relationship was concerned (war accidents happen, some parts were blown off).  I put it for myself that “Maria was married to a letter.”

She decided to make the Count happy nonetheless by bearing another man’s child without consulting the Count first.  The Count misread the situation and killed his wife, unborn child and the sperm donor.  And I think, maybe it would be a better motif for the movie, if Maria would have taken the time and trouble to write a letter.

Not to criticize the movie, the acting, the plot and everything else, but I am attached to the idea of writing letters in difficult situations.  The major piece in Russian Literary Tradition is the poetic novel by Pushkin “Eugene Onegin”.  Two culminating points are the letters – one written by a young woman, Tatiana, being in love and being rejected and another one by the object of her love, Eugene Onegin, only a few years later when he caught up with the foolishness of his refusal to love an exceptional woman such as Tatiana was.  Only by then it is too late, she was married and though still in love with the gentleman in question but unwilling to become unfaithful.  Tragic and beautiful.  Not to say that nobody died, someone did, but it was a foolish mistake.

I guess I was unaware of the effect that literature had on me, that I used to write love letters too.  Being a girl, a woman, that is.  All of them had different effect.  So, I do agree that we should not underestimate the power of a well-written letter.  And there should be more of them, not less.  They may not help in avoiding tragedies, but they certainly contribute to the Beauty.

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/tag/dreaming/

Sometimes you don’t know what you’re missing until you reach out to touch it.

Sometimes you can’t see

how beautiful something is

until it steps back into the light.

And sometimes you miss a love

you almost didn’t lose.

But when you need beauty,

DREAM.

Source: http://www.sharenator.com/Insane_illusions_architecture/

Illusions are the truths we live by until we know better.

-          Nancy Gibbs

If I am not for myself, who is for me?

If I am only for myself, what am I?

If not now, when?

-          Hillel

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

-          Mark Twain

It is our illusions that create the world.

-          Didier Cauwelaert

Photography, as we all know, is not real at all. It is an illusion of reality with which we create our own private world.

-          Arnold Newman

I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.

-          Alan Watts

Illusions are art, for the feeling person, and it is by art that we live, if we do.

-          Elizabeth Bowen

It is respectable to have illusions – and safe – and profitable, and dull.

-          Joseph Conrad

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all.

-          Joni Mitchell

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

-          Albert Einstein

Source: http://media.photobucket.com/image/impossible%20is%20nothing/pedro925/impossible.jpg?o=11

A person knows nothing…

But a person does believe, think, imagine, make up, recall and guess a lot.

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

Emotional Competency

Well, well, well…  I did not have time to write anything.  Not that I really wanted.  But there is good news – after all this time, after all my efforts, I suddenly came to realize who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It is a revelation, you could laugh at it all you want, but I was blind.  Now I am upset, but hopeful.  I am back to square one.  The April Fool Joke is all on me.  Well I am Fool and a grandiose Fool at that, but at least now I realize it.  What a relief!!!

“Don’t ignore the past.  It is the place where we keep who we were and who we’ve grown from.”

“What is madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.”

“The way you see it is never the way it is.”

“Your truth is never the Truth.”

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

I am glad that I had the courage to look at the things they are now and regret that it took me so long.  But it is what it is and it is imperative to press forward.

Since there is no time to waste, I am not quite sure whether to continue updating my site or abandon it altogether.  Until I make a decision to quit, I will try and make short posts.

There is one site I found, which I intend to explore –

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/

you can do it too – that is my suggestion for the day.

There are a few lines that drew me in

Passion + Reason = Constructive Action. This is the essence of emotional competency.

And a few quotes

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~ St. Augustine

“First-person viewpoint is the fundamental asymmetry of humanity.” ~ Leland R. Beaumont

Source:  http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life.  I do procrastinate.  I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it.  Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor?  What determines the difference in human actions?  Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions.  One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.  We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour.  This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains.  What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life?  PAIN and PLEASURE!  Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives.  But they can’t get themselves to follow through.  They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it.  There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about.  Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine.  Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it.  Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination?  It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it.  Why not?  The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off.  Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done?  What happened?  You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to.  Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.”  (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself!  Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.”  (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.  Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it.  Why?  Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.  It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do.  Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system.  For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain.  We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface.  Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent.  Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.”  (Michel De Montaigne)

 

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.”  (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

-         Why haven’t I taken action?

-         In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.  What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat?  If you don’t stop smoking?  If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make?  If you don’t start consistently working out each day?  Be honest with yourself.  What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years?  What’s it going to cost you emotionally?  What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image?  What will it cost you in your physical energy level?  What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem?  What will it cost you financially?  What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most?  How does that make you feel?  Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.”  That’s not enough.  You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions.  So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

-         I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

-         I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

-         I’ll gain physical vitality and health.  I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

-         I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

-         My life will better in all these ways now.

-         Over the next two, three, four, five years.

-         By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

Source: http://www.bloomington.k12.mn.us/indschool/WB/calendar1.jpg

Calendar Wisdom.

For all these (3!) months I have not done well at all.  All of these months I have not succeeded, even in March when I decided to stick to “Success” and “supposedly” made resolutions.  No, to be more specific, I made resolutions; the only problem was I did not carry them through.  But remembering the Art of Reframing, it was not a disaster, but a learning experience.  So, I need a plan, I need motivation, I need to check my progress daily.  I will see what will happen from now on.  But I have to admit that two ideas are firmly planted in my head – Love (February’s theme) and Success (March’s theme), they are unrelated (or so it seems so far!).  I have read a book by Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within” and I will be quoting him regularly.  I guess I can give myself credit for at least trying to find a way – Anthony Robbins is considered to be a psychologist of change and success, even though his expertise is not indisputable.  Regardless of his credentials, I believe that if I do the exercises that he suggests and take his advice with a pinch of salt, I will do better than without any plan or direction in mind.  I have to stay on track!  I can change almost everything, but it takes time.  So, opening a new chapter…

April Fools.

Perhaps it’s light-hearted nature of Spring that brought about April’s Fool Day, the way it looks like summer one day only to be freezing the next.  Take a moment to inject humour into your day.  See if any of the word tiles below strike your funny bone.  If not, try randomly grabbing words and putting them next to each other.  Take it further: put together those words that seem least likely to be side by side.  Create an absurdist collection of funny language.

Quote of the month:

“Humour is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute is crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

 - Mark Twain

I tend to think that I have a great sense of humour, but some people just don’t get my jokes and in the worst-case scenario it all turns very ugly.  They may get angry, offended or aggressive.  I think they take themselves way too serious.  Do I have to adjust all the time?  I guess it is a choice…  I always laugh at myself, so it must be a good Sign!

A Dark Horse

I have done this analysis before.  Once I walked in an Art Shop and met a nice young man by the name William who actually had read “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky.  We had a heated discussion and I said that I was not quite sure that foreigners were even close to understanding Dostoevsky because of the way he wrote.  Something must be lost in translation.  William did agree, and expressed that “colour yellow” was lost in translation.  The discussion was not limited to “Crime and Punishment”, Dostoevsky, literature or colours for that matter.  At the time I was very much interested in the Personality Dimensions of Blue – Orange – Green – Gold variety and suggested that we find out William’s colours.  He said that he would be willing to do that only if I agreed to do go through the Cube Personality Test.  I don’t remember his colours, but I remember this story.

And I remember vividly my own results of the Cube Personality Test.  Do you know why William was so adamant about the Cube Personality Test?  He thought I was “so full of myself”.  He couldn’t be more wrong.

The questions he asked me were not exactly the same as I found just recently on the Internet, but I will try to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can.

First of all, there was no white room.  He asked me to imagine a scene and myself in it.  So I imagined myself on the ocean shore, walking on the beach, feet in the water, eyes looking down at my feet, occasionally looking up at the scenery, green and mountainous, beautiful beyond imagination.

Source: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Salt-Cay-Turks-and-Caicos-Islands-Posters_i3689447_.htm

Cube.

I don’t remember whether he suggested that I should imagine a WHITE cube.  But I did.  It was far away in the ocean, fairly small in size.  So, I was not “full of myself” at all, far from it and my ego was smaller in 2008, than it is now in 2010.  But it is true, I have learned a lot from my experiences in these two years and I gained some confidence.  The fact that the cube was white…  Either it was according to his suggestion, or I did not hide from others who I was at that moment.

Flowers.

There were no flowers in his scenario.

Ladder.

Ladder was also white, fairly small in size, floating in the water, obviously in a horizontal position.  No interpretation needed.  No goals, no aspiration, no ambition.  Or all of it was in a slumber state.

Source: http://thumb18.shutterstock.com.edgesuite.net/photos/display_pic_with_logo/182188/182188,1242375239,1.jpg

By the way, it is not what I imagined, but when I was looking for an  image, I could not resist.  I so do love spirals and twists!

Horse.

He asked for the colour of the horse.  I had trouble picking between black and white.  I chose black in the end.  The horse was running towards me.  I don’t know why I was so perplexed with the horse images and still I remember mostly this horse.  In Russian, we have an expression “a dark horse”, meaning somebody with fairly inconspicuous looks who turns out to be a winner quite unexpectedly.  I guess it is the same in English.  If that horse is running towards me and I haven’t seen it yet, it probably means, that the horse has quite a journey.  I am still curious.  Really!

Source: http://www.blessedbylife.com/images/blackhorsebeach.jpg

That is my horse precisely, my dream has been photographed.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is far in the ocean, but the sky is darkening and the storm is quite serious.

Source: http://www.roadsideoregon.com/?cat=3

I don’t know about you, but I had fun doing this test.  I love imagery and it is quite memorable.  Now it is time to go back to my challenges (opportunities)!

By the way, I just decided to test my parents.  It was so much fun.  My mom’s ego is red and bigger than mine, my dad’s ego is BLACK (help! what does that mean?) and the same size as mine.  Really, you should try it!

Source: http://www.myweddingflowerideas.co.uk/wedding-bouquet/red-gerbera-bouquet-rge.jpg

Cube.

Well, the cube is red, a size of a side table, located in the center of the room and on the floor.  Interpretation: I am humble, grounded and the red colour of the cube might represent that my center is in my heart, small, but all-important.  Maybe because red is the colour of passion and I am a very passionate person.  Or maybe because in Russian “red” is synonymous with “beautiful”.  I do hide who I am from others, but only to a point.  I do consider myself to be fairly open.  The fact that my red cube is in the center of the room means that I (my ego, my heart, my brain, my mind) is the center of my universe.  Where else should it be?  I am still perplexed why I have picked the red colour, for it is not my favourite.  Maybe because walls are so white is this white room? LOL.

Flowers.

They are located on the perimeter, so there are a lot of them, all red Gerbera, natural Gerbera size.  Again, colour red.  I don’t have an explanation for the red colour in this case.  Love, passion, design?  I agree that I need family and a lot of friends, but at the moment they are not so close to me.  I wish they were, or at least I think I wish they were and I am trying to close the gap.

Ladder.

Ladder is white, from floor to ceiling and for that matter a fairly steep one (like in a submarine, or maybe not, I have never been on a submarine!), but it is located in a Northeast corner of the room.  I am not currently working on my goals.  But I am all in the preparation mode.  Last time I did the cube analysis, the ladder was just lying on the floor flat.  So, some improvement.

Horse.

One thing is clear, the horse is near me.  I could not decide what colour to pick (black or white), still indecisive.  Characteristics of a horse?  Mamma mia!  Intelligent, witty, philosophical, trustworthy, true friend.  No interpretation necessary.  Only a comment – there is no horse near me.  I am not in a relationship.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is all over the room.  Meaning…  I have way to many problems.  Or opportunities (never forget the Art of Reframing!)