...but the satisfaction of desire only leaves the Scorpio soul still hungry for something beyond...

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/161d695b22f964939afdc47e2b403517/

The Scorpio Love Mystery

As it enters its second experience in the Water element, the now mature soul welcomes the chance for meditation through a return of the negative feminine Night Forces of the Scorpio consciousness.  On a public level, Scorpio is enormously capable of executing the now very familiar duties as a Fixed Organizer.  On a personal level, Scorpio is troubled to discover that he faces for the first time the awesome mystery of his own existence.  Where did he come from? – where is he going? – why is he here?  Scorpio must tear the veil from life, regardless of the cost, to quiet his restless spirit, suddenly released from its former preoccupation with earthly needs alone, as he cries out: “I DESIRE!”

There is much that the Scorpio soul knows… but even more that is sensed and cannot yet be defined.  The Scorpio vibration brings such a burning need to penetrate the unknown that it must be buried beneath deep layers of calm reason, or it would consume the mind and sear the soul.  Lessons well remembered from Libra softness and impartial judgment have made Scorpio wary of expressing opinions to those who would tear them apart.  The strong Scorpion instinct for survival springs from a deep-seated fear that he who is not forearmed will be destroyed.  Each defeat sustained by Scorpio only strengthens the inner conviction that the first loyalty must be to his or her own personal integrity.  For Scorpio sense that if the self is lost, then all is lost.

On the Scorpio level of consciousness, the soul is newly aware of the relationship between birth, death, sex and religious truth.  Scorpio knows that, in some mystical way, these are intertwined.  Therefore, sex becomes something intimately explored with an intensity unknown to those either behind or ahead Of Scorpio’s stage of evolvement.  Although Scorpio trusts love only after is has proven itself deserving of such trust, once dedicated to another, loyalty is unswerving and eternal.  Feeling fiercely the need to protect themselves and those they love from hurt, Scorpio is compelled to demand “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” as insurance that injures will not be repeated.

Through the subtle influence of the ruling planet Pluto, the experience of death comes to the Scorpio soul, as friends and relatives pass away, increasing the need to penetrate even deeper for the knowledge buried in the silent subconscious.  While Scorpio’s spirit soars upward like the eagle, defying gravity, worldly desires and passions intensify, forcing him to question his own worthiness.  Ultra-sensitive, but now able to totally disguise such sensitivity, Scorpio now learns the amazing power of his or her own mind – the silent will – and uses it secretly, lest others learn how to use the same kind of power over him – or her.  The Scorpio consciousness is the period of the soul’s testing.

Scorpio’s positive qualities are loyalty, will power, magnetism, gentleness, insight and amazing self-control.  Expressed in their negative form they become ruthlessness, fanaticism, revenge, sadism, suspicion and self-hatred.

To Scorpio men and women, love is a consuming flame, worth any sacrifice – and they must conquer its challenge.  Sexually uninhibited, yet emotionally fearful and mentally suspicious, they strive desperately to unite love’s physical and spiritual vibrations, with a strange mixture of eroticism and purity.  But the satisfaction of desire only leaves the Scorpio soul still hungry for something beyond.

Crowned by gentle Venus with the Victory of Love

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/3da7de66b318903a55ff08ca28b7debf/

from Linda Goodman’s “Love Signs”, page 31

The Planets

we’ve fought a long and bitter war

my Twin Soul and I

lost and lonely, fallen angels, exiled

from a misty, half-forgotten galaxy of stars

wounded cruelly by the painful thrust of Mars

caught in Neptune’s tangled web

shocked and torn asunder

by the sudden, awful violence of Uranus

tortured by the clever lies of Mercury

crashed beneath the icy weight of stern, unyielding Saturn

who lengthened every hour into a day

each day into a year

each year into eternities of waiting

scorched, and nearly blinded

by the Sun’s exploding bursts of arrogance and pride

as Eve and Adam, stilled and helpless, deep within us, cried…

still we fought on in unrelenting fury

striking blow for blow…driven by the pounding drums

of Jupiter’s giant, throbbing passions.

stumbling at the precipice of the Moon’s enticing madness

to fall, at last, in trembling fear

before the threat of Pluto’s ominous, tomb-like silence

consumed by inconsolable sadness, and the bleakness

of despair

we bear…

the wounds and scars of furious battle

I and my Twin Soul

but now we walk in quiet peace

with all our scattered pieces whole

together, hand-in-hand…full serpent circle

back into the Pyramid-shaped rainbow

of tomorrow’s brighter Eden

crowned by gentle Venus with the Victory of Love

that did not die

but has survived the night of selfish seeking

to wait for morning’s soft forgiveness

and the dawn of understanding

Longing for Friendship or Love? Whichever comes first

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/cc1886930f6224d0abbf0255cfeadd05/

To tell or not to tell?

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/266be058e56ba32ebf7cb45c1f2c8242/

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/c14e68c72d7002f1f9485d1c3302ae6e/

Lucha por tus sueños y tus sueños lucharán por ti

(Paulo Coelho)

I like the expression; I am not quite sure how my dreams can fight for me.  As one of my friends put it “I am letting the process decide”.  I don’t know how any process decides anything.  But sometimes being patient pays off.  We need a good perspective on things.

Dance, Passion, Dreams

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/f78b8836b33a0a055ae7c74502a30385/

One change that was significant for me this year – I finally started dancing.  I dreamed of it since I was six.  I don’t know how my dancing “fights” for me.  I am playing with words, of course.  But I am serious about my dancing, and I put enough time and effort into it.  My final goal is not yet clear to me, but I am delighted by the progress and improvements.  Yesterday I was pleasantly surprised with myself – I started making triple turns instead of double.  I just could not stop and I could not count.  Obviously I am making progress.

Dedicated to Lincoln Phayze who always goes with the flow except for the times when he doesn’t.  Both of us are lost…

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/b37bd4f91ab74c2b5be4a419893cfda7/

That was an advice from somebody like me.  The gentleman in question works in the arts (I almost said “arts industry” and I was appalled by the ugliness of the expression).  Correction:  he used to work in the arts, but now he is in as much mess as I am.  He told me that once he was taking the program “The Artist’s Way” and one of the requirements was keeping a diary.  Yes, a diary.  Keeping a diary in order to awaken one’s creativity, reconnect with one’s creativity, and welcome one’s creativity back.  So the rules were simple enough – you wake up and write three pages without letting the pen stop.  The rule to remember is “Don’t get it right, get it written…”

It is a very catchy and encouraging phrase.  But no matter how encouraging a phrase may be, it still took me a while to actually start writing in my diary.  But I did.  I have some “volumes” completed, mostly filled with crap worth only getting rid of (by shredding, this detail is very important! LOL), but it does not matter.  It was not right, it was written.  My web-site contains very little of my private diary entries, it is more polished and edited. Of course.  Which course?  Moving on…

Of course. Which course? Do we know where we go?

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/d09d182bdef53d9a4b384576a47df417/

Am I creative?  We all are supposed to be creative, by the way…

Well, anyway, when I started this web-site, it was nearly impossible to find things to write about, and I stopped almost as soon I started.  Then I came back to it and I was more or less consistent.  There were some large gaps due to my mood swings.  When I am depressed, I feel like drowning, when I am high, I feel as if I am resurfacing…and what does it have to do with water I have no idea…  Maybe because I am a Water Sign?  Sometimes I dream that I fly so high and so skillfully…

In my dreams I fly so much higher

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/9f878a2f026418e54ca53b7917b261e9/

Coming back to the gaps.  There some of them, all due to polarity of my moods, doubts, losing faith, not really knowing what to do.  The last one started early in May when I finally found a part-time job, started dancing more and generally was busy with I don’t even remember what.  But I tried to come back.  There must be something about writing that I either like or need or maybe both.  Self-expression?  Letting out the pain?  Sharing my experience?  Pleasure of typing? LOL – yeah, that must be it, “pleasure of typing” – exercising my fine motor skills.

Exercising fine motor skills

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/5dc33cf6576d5f43e0de16fa8bf43253/

But the idea of “not getting it right, but getting it written” is very appealing.  I was reading some of my own posts from January and it turned out to be pleasant enough.  I have already forgotten the pain and the joy and details.  And it was nice to come back and see – my insanity (at one point), my pain, my suffering, and the progress I made.  So the verdict is “YES”, the point may very well be ZERO, but I should keep at it.  My diary, my web-site, “My life, my universe and everything”.  Life goes on and diary is only a reflection.  We all love mirrors, don’t we?

Or yes, we do.  Reflections, reflections, reflections…

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/tag/dreaming/

Sometimes you don’t know what you’re missing until you reach out to touch it.

Sometimes you can’t see

how beautiful something is

until it steps back into the light.

And sometimes you miss a love

you almost didn’t lose.

But when you need beauty,

DREAM.

I don’t really know, how other Scorpios deal with Water Bearers, but my experience just happens to confirm what I read in Linda Goodman’s book.  Or maybe I just fit what I read into my experience.  Does it really matter?

Well, anyway, this post is dedicated to Water Bearers I keep meeting.  The sign begins on January 21 and ends on February 19.  I know two of them; one is born at the beginning and the other right at the end of the sign.  And there are plenty in-between.  And, yes, if you read to the end, THEY DO BELONG IN THE MONKEY HOUSE!

But still, I guess “Happy Birthday” to them all and “Beware!”, “Be Patient!” and “Let them be!” to me.

But why do I feel that the Monkey in our relationship is me? The other one is on the receiving end...

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The SCORPIO – AQUARIUS Relationship

From Linda Goodman’s “Love Signs”, page 743

…they are very wild and difficult of approach.

Yes, there are.  Both of them.  And so, at the outset, I’ll say that I am not going to take sides with either of these squared Sun Signs of the 4-10 vibrational pattern.  Throughout this chapter, I intend to remain in the middle, neutral, like Canada and Switzerland.  On second thought, the literal middle may not be a safe place to be.  One is then wide open and exposed to becoming the recipient of whatever these two may fling at each other, like words, baseball bats, boomerangs, yo-yos, hula hoops, Frisbees, insults, compliments, rage, respect – any number of unexpected things.

However, moving right along, and still bravely trying t remain in the middle, it must be admitted that Aquarians are very wild, undeniably – and that Scorpios are difficult of approach, indisputably.  Ergo, therefore, i.e.: as a combination, the Water Bearer and the Eagle are indeed very wild and difficult of approach.  Separately or together, but especially together.

One wonders how these two ever manage to get together in the first place.  One also wonders if it is wise for these two to get together, in the second place.  The square between their Sun Signs admittedly creates a certain amount of tension (like, each thinks the other is playing with half a deck, has bats in the belfry and is completely loco – you get the general idea), but in astrology, tension is synonymous with energy (also in physics; therefore, ever more so in meta-physics).  So let’s say that there is a lot of …uh, energy (we are being tactful) between 4-10 Sun Sign Pattern like Scorpio-Aquarius.  The problem is – no, let’s try to be positive – the question is: What are the Eagle and the Water Bearer going to do with this tremendous flow of tension (I mean energy) passing back and forth between them?  Are they going to channel it into senseless conflict – or into the kind of powerful energy that makes windmills spin, ships sail, trains run, birds fly …. And spacecraft break the time barrier?

Just because someone looks upon life through one end of a telescope, and you gaze through the other, is no reason to quarrel and fuss.  If it were the same telescope, you’d see that you were both gazing at each other.  (Well, hello there! Fancy meeting you, of all people, in the middle of a telescope!)  Of course, one pair of eyes would look smaller, the other larger, because that’s how telescopes are made, but you are not a telescope.  You are an Aquarian, who should not take such a distorted view of all Scorps as sneaky, conservative, ruthless, stingy nasties.  And you are an Eagle, who must stop taking such a distorted view of all Water Bearers as people who belong in the monkey house at the zoo, except that the monkeys might object.  That kind of energy wouldn’t power a windmill so much as half a turn, chug a train out of the station or lift a bird from the branch of a tree, wings or no wings.

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Throwing things at Aquarians – absolutely!  What infuriating creatures!

However…

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“Yet, when the Air and Water elements get together as two Sun Signs, and really work at harmony the result can be as inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating as the scent of fresh rain, mixed with the air of spring, falling on new-mown hay or grass.  Is there any fragrance on this Earth more gorgeous and bursting with miracles than this?  You don’t have to live on a farm or in the country to answer in the affirmative.  Wet city sidewalks, freshly rained upon, coupled with the warm air of spring, will have the same dizzying effect upon the sensitive soul.

[…] I hope (seriously) that this paragraph has impressed you with the possibilities of beauty in an association between Aquarius and Scorpio when they both work at it.  It takes some self-sacrifice, but it’s so worthwhile.

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Harmony?  What a temptation!

What do you know?  I always stumble on something and this song “I will remain the Light for you” seems to continue the theme of Light from the post “I never once refused not to help you”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKGR8V-fJRw&feature=related