Water Bearers and I.

I don’t really know, how other Scorpios deal with Water Bearers, but my experience just happens to confirm what I read in Linda Goodman’s book.  Or maybe I just fit what I read into my experience.  Does it really matter?

Well, anyway, this post is dedicated to Water Bearers I keep meeting.  The sign begins on January 21 and ends on February 19.  I know two of them; one is born at the beginning and the other right at the end of the sign.  And there are plenty in-between.  And, yes, if you read to the end, THEY DO BELONG IN THE MONKEY HOUSE!

But still, I guess “Happy Birthday” to them all and “Beware!”, “Be Patient!” and “Let them be!” to me.

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The SCORPIO – AQUARIUS Relationship

From Linda Goodman’s “Love Signs”, page 743

…they are very wild and difficult of approach.

Yes, there are.  Both of them.  And so, at the outset, I’ll say that I am not going to take sides with either of these squared Sun Signs of the 4-10 vibrational pattern.  Throughout this chapter, I intend to remain in the middle, neutral, like Canada and Switzerland.  On second thought, the literal middle may not be a safe place to be.  One is then wide open and exposed to becoming the recipient of whatever these two may fling at each other, like words, baseball bats, boomerangs, yo-yos, hula hoops, Frisbees, insults, compliments, rage, respect – any number of unexpected things.

However, moving right along, and still bravely trying t remain in the middle, it must be admitted that Aquarians are very wild, undeniably – and that Scorpios are difficult of approach, indisputably.  Ergo, therefore, i.e.: as a combination, the Water Bearer and the Eagle are indeed very wild and difficult of approach.  Separately or together, but especially together.

One wonders how these two ever manage to get together in the first place.  One also wonders if it is wise for these two to get together, in the second place.  The square between their Sun Signs admittedly creates a certain amount of tension (like, each thinks the other is playing with half a deck, has bats in the belfry and is completely loco – you get the general idea), but in astrology, tension is synonymous with energy (also in physics; therefore, ever more so in meta-physics).  So let’s say that there is a lot of …uh, energy (we are being tactful) between 4-10 Sun Sign Pattern like Scorpio-Aquarius.  The problem is – no, let’s try to be positive – the question is: What are the Eagle and the Water Bearer going to do with this tremendous flow of tension (I mean energy) passing back and forth between them?  Are they going to channel it into senseless conflict – or into the kind of powerful energy that makes windmills spin, ships sail, trains run, birds fly …. And spacecraft break the time barrier?

Just because someone looks upon life through one end of a telescope, and you gaze through the other, is no reason to quarrel and fuss.  If it were the same telescope, you’d see that you were both gazing at each other.  (Well, hello there! Fancy meeting you, of all people, in the middle of a telescope!)  Of course, one pair of eyes would look smaller, the other larger, because that’s how telescopes are made, but you are not a telescope.  You are an Aquarian, who should not take such a distorted view of all Scorps as sneaky, conservative, ruthless, stingy nasties.  And you are an Eagle, who must stop taking such a distorted view of all Water Bearers as people who belong in the monkey house at the zoo, except that the monkeys might object.  That kind of energy wouldn’t power a windmill so much as half a turn, chug a train out of the station or lift a bird from the branch of a tree, wings or no wings.

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Throwing things at Aquarians – absolutely!  What infuriating creatures!

However…

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“Yet, when the Air and Water elements get together as two Sun Signs, and really work at harmony the result can be as inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating as the scent of fresh rain, mixed with the air of spring, falling on new-mown hay or grass.  Is there any fragrance on this Earth more gorgeous and bursting with miracles than this?  You don’t have to live on a farm or in the country to answer in the affirmative.  Wet city sidewalks, freshly rained upon, coupled with the warm air of spring, will have the same dizzying effect upon the sensitive soul.

[…] I hope (seriously) that this paragraph has impressed you with the possibilities of beauty in an association between Aquarius and Scorpio when they both work at it.  It takes some self-sacrifice, but it’s so worthwhile.

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Harmony?  What a temptation!

What do you know?  I always stumble on something and this song “I will remain the Light for you” seems to continue the theme of Light from the post “I never once refused not to help you”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKGR8V-fJRw&feature=related

January begins with the advice “End it!”.  The advice is related to my “non-relationship” with the man I am in love with.  I called him an entity in a cyberspace, but what I really wanted to say was “NON-entity”.

Moving on.  January is a time to begin, not to end.  But every ending is a new beginning.  So.  I haven’t posted anything for more than a month.  It is usually a sign of depression, but I was not depressed this time, I was in love.  I still am, but I guess I have to end it.  And begin everything else.

My friend said I was always frustrated.  Maybe, who knows?  Maybe, he does.  Maybe it is time to start being calm and relaxed.  I have made quite a number of New Year Resolutions and here is my first step.

Calendar.

This year I have bought two calendars (80% off) and I was so happy that I could find such a bargain.  On December 31, 2009, my father asked me with a perplexed expression on his face, why I bought calendars for 2009 and not 2010.  Oh, was I upset?  Definitely, frustrated!!!  Again!!!  Only because I don’t have money to waste on last year calendars.  Later I bought another one and I was upset again.  It had no pictures and the squares are not big enough to write all our appointments and dates, so I probably will reuse old calendars by gluing white paper and doing squares MANUALLY.  The reason I bought this one (no pictures) was because it had a magnetic board and words to make poetic sentences.  I bought into the idea, but it turned out to be a ridiculous waste of money again.

The same crap goes for my personal diary (agenda).  The first one I was presented with by the man who had already proposed a marriage and giving me a daughter.  “Don’t worry, I will support you!”  It is the second proposal of such kind during the last two months.  His diary is not serving its purpose.  So, I have to start writing my appointments for n-th time in another one that I had to buy myself.  Frustrating!!!  Is every new beginning so FRUSTRATING?  It is, of course, a rhetoric question.  And, believe it or not, this is just my writing.  I am not as frustrated as it might sound.  It is just my mood – I am more overwhelmed, than frustrated.

However.

This magnetic calendar has its charm, once ONE has calmed down and relaxed.  (It’d better have for $13.00!)

Darkness is good for dreaming.  The year starts when the days are shorter and temperatures are cold, a time well suited to hibernation and sleep.  In poetic terms, it’s time when the muse is recharging, dreaming of the year to come.  The ground is cleared and we begin again.  This month, work on a poem that describes your winter landscape.  What seeds are waiting for spring?  Or your garden is already growing?

I guess I have the rest of the month to come with a poem or in the very least my sarcastic rebuttal for such a ridiculous assignment.

Quote of the month.

“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Et si tu n’existais pas, J’essaierais d’inventer l’amour

I started this post wanting to write about the film “Two Lovers”.  I could never actually get to write a review.  (Well, later I will do it, promise!)  I was thinking too much about how fast I fall in love and how fast I create that infatuation out of which I could not so easily escape.  Infatuation?  Creating feelings out of thin air.  Falling in love with the images of my own and on my own and then projecting them onto a real person.  I guess I am being creative.  Or insane, even ever so slightly.  I was thinking about how it is like projecting a film, its characters and a story onto an empty screen and expecting a feedback from that imaginary life.  That’s me.  Feelings are real, the feedback?  I am afraid, it would take a long time to get one.

Being a somewhat strange person, I do have somewhat strange conversations.  Coming from my dream…

“It is what it is, you feel what you feel, it is neither right nor wrong”, – my friend usually says.  Yes, the one that I like so much for so little reason.  That is the quintessence of our conversations, I think.  Apart from the fact that he is right and I am wrong.  I think way too much about him, only because I created those feelings and then I fell under their influence.  Well, how clever of me!

Well, it takes time to recognize that I am all-alone in that fantasy world.  In love with an image, a reflection, a mirage…

Is it time to forget, to wake up?  I am afraid so. But…deep inside, I don’t really want to.  I love this haze and intoxication.  And then I find a song.  An old one about another person who would have created love and a lover even if the lover did not exist.  To find the secret of life by creating a lover…  I might be slightly insane, but why so many other people like this song?  Maybe there is something to it?  Longing for love?  I guess, it is what it is – neither right nor wrong.

Et si tu n’existais pas

Je crois que je l’aurais trouvé

Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi

Simplement pour te créer

Et pour te regarder

Adaptation of Joe Dassin’s “Et si tu n’existais pas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOBb9BHsXJw&feature=related

Если б не было тебя,

Скажи, зачем тогда мне жить,

В шуме дней как в потоках дождя

Сорванным листом кружить.

Если б не было тебя,

Я б выдумал себе любовь,

Я твои не искал бы черты

И убеждался б вновь и вновь,

Что это все же ты…

Если б не было тебя,

То для чего тогда мне быть,

День за днем находить и терять,

Ждать любви, но не любить.

Если б не было тебя,

Я б шел по миру как слепой,

В гуле сотен чужих голосов

Узнать пытаюсь голос твой

И звук твоих шагов…

Если б не было тебя,

И мне не быть собой самим,

Так и жил бы, твой призрак любя,

Призраком твоим любим.

Если б не было тебя,

Я знаю, что не смог бы ждать,

Разгадал бы секрет бытия,

Только чтоб тебя создать

И видеть лишь тебя…

Если б не было тебя…

Если б не было тебя…

Если б не было тебя…

Если б не было тебя…

Если б не было тебя…

I wanted to make a different post on Halloween.  A poem by Edgar Allan Poe.  “The Raven”.  I thought it would be more becoming.  More becoming my mood and the spirit of Halloween.

My plans have changed.  They usually do.  Something happened and it was somewhat pleasant, somewhat strange and more becoming my melancholic mood and longing for love.

“Gefunden.”  Some things are just strange.  The only thing that I remember from years of learning German was (is) a poem by Goethe.  “Gefunden” means “Found”.  It is about a flower the author finds in a forest while walking there without a thought in mind.  Instead of picking it and letting the flower die, the author digs it out with all the roots and replants it in his garden. 

Und pflanzt es wieder

Am stillen Ort;

Nun zweigt es immer

Und blüht so fort.

The reason the poem has surfaced again was that I met “a friend of a delicate nature” who claimed that he could read German.  His claim turned out to be somewhat exaggerated, since he could not read nor translate “Gefunden” with the online translator.  But that is quite understandable and, to be honest, is precisely what I assumed at the beginning.  Reading a language without properly learning it seems a tall order.  But this story is not about him.  Well, not entirely.

The poem keeps coming back to me.  And this time I found out that Goethe wrote this poem not about a flower, but about his love for a real woman.

I have a dream.  I want to find my love and I found a flower.  Literally.  Where and when?  I was working and walking in circles in the department store full of misplaced clothes.  Of all days, it was Halloween, my birthday.  I did not expect to find anything.  Yet I did.  I found a red rose, slightly battered, slightly faded, smelling of perfume, still beautiful…

I picked it gently and took it home, treating this red rose as a gift, as a sign, as a new hope.

Some things do come out of the Blue.

And my friend with his beautiful deep eyes, seductive voice and a reminiscence of a true love is only a vision of my longing for something or someone whom I will find.

One day.  Out of the Blue.  On the Halloween?

So, “Nein!” – 9 the Movie

It is so not me.  The apocalyptic nature of the film is so unappealing.  Gloom and doom?  I just could not care less.  Why did I watch it?  I read a review a friend of mine wrote.  That made me aware of the film’s existence.  What universe do I live in?  I am no longer aware what movies are out there.  But this one found its way….

So, nein, nein, und nein!  My German flashes are, of course, not coincidental; the Bad Guys (Military) are so unmistakably the Fascists of the Second World War.  They could have used Russians, but maybe the Germans won the Military Fashion and Paraphernalia Contest.

I watched the film with my son, who is only six (not nein yet!).  It was another suggestion of my friend.  If you are ever to watch this film, watch it with little children who won’t ask too many questions.  He was right.  Somewhere near the end, I asked my son, whether he was up to speed with the movie, because I failed to see the point.  My son said that he understood a lot.  The machine is not as clever as the dolls were and the dolls won.  The peace would be restored.  In another form, however.

One little concept I liked, though.  The scientist, who has realized too late what he has actually done, scatters his soul into these little burlap characters.  I thought that my soul is scattered in all the little pieces of writings, thoughts, reflections, sorrows, and unnecessary revelations.  No, this web site is not a diary.  Each post is but a reflection of my soul.  No, there is no device to put it together.  There is no way back.  Change is life, forward it goes with water drops with some green dots in them in the film.  In my life?  Who knows…

new word, new page, new chapter…

another change, new love, new beauty, new dance, on and on

neues Wort, neue Seite, neues Kapitel…

eine andere Änderung, neue Liebe, neue Schönheit, neuer Tanz, immer weiter

“One of the secrects in life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.”  Jack Penn

 

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strengh.”  Ralph W. Sockman

 

Ö        Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ö        All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
Thomas E. Lawrence

Ö        A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
John Barrymore

Ö        Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.
Anais Nin

Friends are Forever.

This is a postcard from my best friend at School given to me on October 31, 1987, when I turned 17.

“Дорогая Светочка!

Поздравляю тебя с Днём Рождения!

Желаю тебе хорошо сдавать экзамены, встретить хорошего парня, а когда день 31 октября будут отмечать как всенародный праздник, не забыть про друзей (которые тебя любят).»  31 октября 1987 годаю

Катя

Странно, но факт, день 31 октября есть всенародный праздник – Хэллоуин.

Катя подарила мне книгу о художественной гимнастике «Спорт. Музыка. Грация.» и подписала:

«Будущему великому секретному физику от будущего скромного среднестатисческого инженера-электронщика в знаменательный день 31 октября 1987».

Я, конечно, не великий, не секретный и даже, что смешно, вовсе не физик, но что я хочу сделать сейчас это осуществить свою мечту!  Открыть танцевальную студию в Торонто сначала для взрослых, а потом и для детей.  А если бы я смогла открыть студию художественной гимнастики – вот это был бы класс!!!