Internal Light

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/737aeb0438d1ae4127585c649d53787a/

If, in physics, one seeks to explain the nature of light, nobody expects that as a result there will be no light. But in the case of psychology everybody believes that what it explains is explained away.

–Carl Gustav Jung

Dedicated to Lincoln Phayze who always goes with the flow except for the times when he doesn’t.  Both of us are lost…

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/b37bd4f91ab74c2b5be4a419893cfda7/

That was an advice from somebody like me.  The gentleman in question works in the arts (I almost said “arts industry” and I was appalled by the ugliness of the expression).  Correction:  he used to work in the arts, but now he is in as much mess as I am.  He told me that once he was taking the program “The Artist’s Way” and one of the requirements was keeping a diary.  Yes, a diary.  Keeping a diary in order to awaken one’s creativity, reconnect with one’s creativity, and welcome one’s creativity back.  So the rules were simple enough – you wake up and write three pages without letting the pen stop.  The rule to remember is “Don’t get it right, get it written…”

It is a very catchy and encouraging phrase.  But no matter how encouraging a phrase may be, it still took me a while to actually start writing in my diary.  But I did.  I have some “volumes” completed, mostly filled with crap worth only getting rid of (by shredding, this detail is very important! LOL), but it does not matter.  It was not right, it was written.  My web-site contains very little of my private diary entries, it is more polished and edited. Of course.  Which course?  Moving on…

Of course. Which course? Do we know where we go?

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/d09d182bdef53d9a4b384576a47df417/

Am I creative?  We all are supposed to be creative, by the way…

Well, anyway, when I started this web-site, it was nearly impossible to find things to write about, and I stopped almost as soon I started.  Then I came back to it and I was more or less consistent.  There were some large gaps due to my mood swings.  When I am depressed, I feel like drowning, when I am high, I feel as if I am resurfacing…and what does it have to do with water I have no idea…  Maybe because I am a Water Sign?  Sometimes I dream that I fly so high and so skillfully…

In my dreams I fly so much higher

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/9f878a2f026418e54ca53b7917b261e9/

Coming back to the gaps.  There some of them, all due to polarity of my moods, doubts, losing faith, not really knowing what to do.  The last one started early in May when I finally found a part-time job, started dancing more and generally was busy with I don’t even remember what.  But I tried to come back.  There must be something about writing that I either like or need or maybe both.  Self-expression?  Letting out the pain?  Sharing my experience?  Pleasure of typing? LOL – yeah, that must be it, “pleasure of typing” – exercising my fine motor skills.

Exercising fine motor skills

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/5dc33cf6576d5f43e0de16fa8bf43253/

But the idea of “not getting it right, but getting it written” is very appealing.  I was reading some of my own posts from January and it turned out to be pleasant enough.  I have already forgotten the pain and the joy and details.  And it was nice to come back and see – my insanity (at one point), my pain, my suffering, and the progress I made.  So the verdict is “YES”, the point may very well be ZERO, but I should keep at it.  My diary, my web-site, “My life, my universe and everything”.  Life goes on and diary is only a reflection.  We all love mirrors, don’t we?

Or yes, we do.  Reflections, reflections, reflections…

Source:  http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life.  I do procrastinate.  I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it.  Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor?  What determines the difference in human actions?  Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions.  One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.  We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour.  This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains.  What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life?  PAIN and PLEASURE!  Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives.  But they can’t get themselves to follow through.  They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it.  There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about.  Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine.  Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it.  Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination?  It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it.  Why not?  The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off.  Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done?  What happened?  You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to.  Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.”  (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself!  Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.”  (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.  Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it.  Why?  Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.  It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do.  Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system.  For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain.  We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface.  Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent.  Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.”  (Michel De Montaigne)

 

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.”  (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

-         Why haven’t I taken action?

-         In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.  What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat?  If you don’t stop smoking?  If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make?  If you don’t start consistently working out each day?  Be honest with yourself.  What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years?  What’s it going to cost you emotionally?  What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image?  What will it cost you in your physical energy level?  What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem?  What will it cost you financially?  What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most?  How does that make you feel?  Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.”  That’s not enough.  You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions.  So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

-         I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

-         I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

-         I’ll gain physical vitality and health.  I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

-         I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

-         My life will better in all these ways now.

-         Over the next two, three, four, five years.

-         By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

A Dark Horse

I have done this analysis before.  Once I walked in an Art Shop and met a nice young man by the name William who actually had read “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky.  We had a heated discussion and I said that I was not quite sure that foreigners were even close to understanding Dostoevsky because of the way he wrote.  Something must be lost in translation.  William did agree, and expressed that “colour yellow” was lost in translation.  The discussion was not limited to “Crime and Punishment”, Dostoevsky, literature or colours for that matter.  At the time I was very much interested in the Personality Dimensions of Blue – Orange – Green – Gold variety and suggested that we find out William’s colours.  He said that he would be willing to do that only if I agreed to do go through the Cube Personality Test.  I don’t remember his colours, but I remember this story.

And I remember vividly my own results of the Cube Personality Test.  Do you know why William was so adamant about the Cube Personality Test?  He thought I was “so full of myself”.  He couldn’t be more wrong.

The questions he asked me were not exactly the same as I found just recently on the Internet, but I will try to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can.

First of all, there was no white room.  He asked me to imagine a scene and myself in it.  So I imagined myself on the ocean shore, walking on the beach, feet in the water, eyes looking down at my feet, occasionally looking up at the scenery, green and mountainous, beautiful beyond imagination.

Source: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Salt-Cay-Turks-and-Caicos-Islands-Posters_i3689447_.htm

Cube.

I don’t remember whether he suggested that I should imagine a WHITE cube.  But I did.  It was far away in the ocean, fairly small in size.  So, I was not “full of myself” at all, far from it and my ego was smaller in 2008, than it is now in 2010.  But it is true, I have learned a lot from my experiences in these two years and I gained some confidence.  The fact that the cube was white…  Either it was according to his suggestion, or I did not hide from others who I was at that moment.

Flowers.

There were no flowers in his scenario.

Ladder.

Ladder was also white, fairly small in size, floating in the water, obviously in a horizontal position.  No interpretation needed.  No goals, no aspiration, no ambition.  Or all of it was in a slumber state.

Source: http://thumb18.shutterstock.com.edgesuite.net/photos/display_pic_with_logo/182188/182188,1242375239,1.jpg

By the way, it is not what I imagined, but when I was looking for an  image, I could not resist.  I so do love spirals and twists!

Horse.

He asked for the colour of the horse.  I had trouble picking between black and white.  I chose black in the end.  The horse was running towards me.  I don’t know why I was so perplexed with the horse images and still I remember mostly this horse.  In Russian, we have an expression “a dark horse”, meaning somebody with fairly inconspicuous looks who turns out to be a winner quite unexpectedly.  I guess it is the same in English.  If that horse is running towards me and I haven’t seen it yet, it probably means, that the horse has quite a journey.  I am still curious.  Really!

Source: http://www.blessedbylife.com/images/blackhorsebeach.jpg

That is my horse precisely, my dream has been photographed.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is far in the ocean, but the sky is darkening and the storm is quite serious.

Source: http://www.roadsideoregon.com/?cat=3

I don’t know about you, but I had fun doing this test.  I love imagery and it is quite memorable.  Now it is time to go back to my challenges (opportunities)!

By the way, I just decided to test my parents.  It was so much fun.  My mom’s ego is red and bigger than mine, my dad’s ego is BLACK (help! what does that mean?) and the same size as mine.  Really, you should try it!

Source: http://www.myweddingflowerideas.co.uk/wedding-bouquet/red-gerbera-bouquet-rge.jpg

Cube.

Well, the cube is red, a size of a side table, located in the center of the room and on the floor.  Interpretation: I am humble, grounded and the red colour of the cube might represent that my center is in my heart, small, but all-important.  Maybe because red is the colour of passion and I am a very passionate person.  Or maybe because in Russian “red” is synonymous with “beautiful”.  I do hide who I am from others, but only to a point.  I do consider myself to be fairly open.  The fact that my red cube is in the center of the room means that I (my ego, my heart, my brain, my mind) is the center of my universe.  Where else should it be?  I am still perplexed why I have picked the red colour, for it is not my favourite.  Maybe because walls are so white is this white room? LOL.

Flowers.

They are located on the perimeter, so there are a lot of them, all red Gerbera, natural Gerbera size.  Again, colour red.  I don’t have an explanation for the red colour in this case.  Love, passion, design?  I agree that I need family and a lot of friends, but at the moment they are not so close to me.  I wish they were, or at least I think I wish they were and I am trying to close the gap.

Ladder.

Ladder is white, from floor to ceiling and for that matter a fairly steep one (like in a submarine, or maybe not, I have never been on a submarine!), but it is located in a Northeast corner of the room.  I am not currently working on my goals.  But I am all in the preparation mode.  Last time I did the cube analysis, the ladder was just lying on the floor flat.  So, some improvement.

Horse.

One thing is clear, the horse is near me.  I could not decide what colour to pick (black or white), still indecisive.  Characteristics of a horse?  Mamma mia!  Intelligent, witty, philosophical, trustworthy, true friend.  No interpretation necessary.  Only a comment – there is no horse near me.  I am not in a relationship.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is all over the room.  Meaning…  I have way to many problems.  Or opportunities (never forget the Art of Reframing!)

The only reason I have copied this test is that I want to keep this information.  Web-sites change, appear and disappear.  I did not create this test, so I give you the source of information and I hope you enjoy that web-site.

Source: http://www.personality-and-aptitude-career-tests.com/cube-personality-test.html

11 Questions to Discover Your Hidden Personality Areas Within 90 Seconds!

The Cube personality test is a quick mental exercise that lasts approximately 90 seconds, and can be used to tell a great deal about a person, by asking them to imagine a situation. The Cube personality test requires a working imagination, but most people can successfully complete the test. When the test is given, the person taking the test must respond to each question as quickly as possible, saying the first things that they think of. You can easily use the Cube personality test as a party trick, or to get to know your friends or spouse easier. This article contains the Cube personality test, as well as what the responses to the questions on the test means.

The Test

Picture an enormous white room. In this room, there is a cube.

1.) What color is the cube?

2.) What size is the cube?

3.) Where is it located in the room? Is it floating, or on the ground?

Next, imagine flowers inside of this room.

4.) Where are the flowers located?

5.) How large are the flowers?

Next, imagine a ladder inside of the white room.

6.) Where is the ladder?

7.) What size is the ladder?

Next, imagine a horse in the white room.

8.) Where is the horse?

9.) Name three personality characteristics of the horse (mean, funny, sad, happy, etc).

Lastly, imagine a rainstorm inside the white room.

10.) Where is the rainstorm located?

11.) How large is the rainstorm?

Interpretation of the Answers

Once you have asked someone these questions, be sure to make a mental note of their answers. You can now easily use the answers that they gave, to reveal a great amount about their personality. The white room represents our lives. Inside of this white room, there is a cube. This cube is a representation of our ego, or how we see ourselves. If your cube is small, it means that you have a small ego, you are humble. If your ego is large, it means that you might be “full of yourself”. A colored ego means that you hide who you really are from people. A white or clear cube means that you do not put a show on for others. If the cube is on the ground, it means that you are well grounded in your views, and “down to earth”. If the cube is floating, it means that your life is unstable and unpredictable.

The flowers in the room represent your family and friends. If there are a lot of flowers in the room, it means that you prefer to be surrounded by friends and family. If the flowers are only a few, it means that you prefer only a few close friends. If your flowers are near the cube, it means that you are close to your friends. If your flowers are further away, you prefer to keep a distance between your friends.

The ladder inside the room represents your life’s goals and ambition. A small ladder means that you do not have any goals, or that your goals in life are small. If your ladder is large, it means that your goals and expectations for yourself are set higher than average. If your ladder is far away from your cube, it means that right now you are not working on your goals. If your ladder is on top of your cube, it means that your goals and ambitions are controlling you.

The horse inside of the room is your spouse. The three characteristics of the horse apply to your spouse, or what you like to see in your spouse. If your horse is close to the cube, it means that you are close to your spouse. When you see a beautiful horse it shows your beautiful experience with your spouse.

The rainstorm inside of the room is life’s problems. If your thunderstorm is large, it means that your life is hectic. If the thunderstorm is near another object (for instance, the horse), it means that that object is causing problems in your life. If you see small thunderstorm that means you are currently not facing too many difficulties or at least ignoring them.

While fun, the Cube personality test tells us a lot about each other, and helps us to understand each other. Although perhaps not the most accurate personality test (you will likely read objections from critics as to the accuracy of it), it still gives you a funny way to measure personality of another person. The Cube personality test has no known scientific origins, and has not been independently validated. Regardless, it is still a fun way to spend a few minutes with your friends, studying their responses.

Source: http://www.livbit.com/article/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/rubikscube_lamp2.jpg

If you are curious, you can read a couple of posts that will follow – I have done this Cube Personality Test twice.  Strangely enough, both times it was fairly accurate.

Source: http://www.thelifechangeexperiment.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/decision-making-processes1.jpg

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” (Helen Keller)

Remembering the art of reframing  -  life is not a struggle, but an adventure.  So, forget about nothing, it is too much of an abstract idea.  Life cannot be nothing, but we can perceive it differently.  “Get a life!” say some.  It is, of course, not only rude, but also absurd.  All of us are alive; the question is what to do with those lives.  That is a matter of choice.  When we make choices, we make decisions and control our lives to a certain degree.  Correction.  Not to a certain degree, we are in total control, yet most of the time completely unaware of it.  I am trying to change my view on how to make decisions.  There is one post I made on making decisions,

http://www.altrealm.com/english/chapters/2009-07-26/jvs-wise-10-steps-in-decision-making/

But when I compared it with the strategy suggested by Anthony Robbins, I see that he is more relaxed about choices.  The most important part is to reach the destination, the route is less crucial.  Besides, we cannot possibly know all the outcomes of all the alternatives.  So we make decisions based on the information we have, which is always insufficient, inaccurate and “a subject to change without notice.”

Harness the Power of Making Decision

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 2, page  48

Remember the true power of making decisions.

It’s a tool you can use in any moment to change your entire life.  The minute you make a new decision, you set in motion a new cause, effect, direction, and destination for your life.  You literally begin to change your life the moment you make a new decision.  Remember that when you start feeling overwhelmed, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when things are happening “to” you, you can change it all if you just stop and decide to do so.  Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action.  If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.

Realize that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment – a true decision.

Carrying out your commitment is often much easier than the decision itself, so make your decisions intelligently, but make them quickly.  Don’t labor forever over the question of how or if you can do it.  Studies have shown that the most successful people make decisions rapidly because they are clear on their values and what they really want for their lives.  The same studies show that they are slow to change their decisions, if at all.  On the other hand, people who fail usually make decisions slowly and change their minds quickly, always bouncing back and forth.  Just decide!

Realize that decision-making is a kind of act in itself, so a good definition for a decision might be “information acted upon”.  You know you’ve truly made a decision when action flows from it.  It becomes a cause set in motion.  Often the effect of making a decision helps create the attainment of a larger goal.  A critical rule I’ve made for myself is never to leave the scene of a decision without first taking a specific action toward its realization.

Make decisions often

The more decisions you make, the better you’re going to become at making them.  Muscles get stronger with use, and so it is with your decision-making muscles.  Unleash your power right now by making some decisions you’ve been putting off.  You won’t believe the energy and excitement it will create in your life!

Learn from your decisions.

There’s no way around it.  At times, you’re going to screw up, no matter what you do.  And when the inevitable happens, instead of beating yourself into the ground, learn something.  Ask yourself, “What’s good about this?  What can I learn from this?”  This “failure” may be an unbelievable gift in disguise if you use it to make better decisions in the future.  Rather than focus on the short-term setback, choose instead to learn lessons that can save you time, money, or pain, and that will give you the ability to succeed in the future.

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.

Once you’ve decided who you want to be as a person, for example, don’t get stuck on the means to achieving it.  It’s the end you’re after.  Too often, in deciding what they want for their lives, people pick the best way they know at the time – they make a map – but then don’t stay open to alternate routes.  Don’t become rigid in your approach.  Cultivate the art of flexibility.

Enjoy making decisions.

You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.

If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.

[…]

Know that it’s your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.  Before we learn the technology for changing how you think and how you feel every day of your life, I want you remember that, in the final analysis, everything you’ve read in this book is worthless… every other book you’ve read or tape you’ve heard or seminar you’ve attended is worthless…unless you decide to use it.  Remember that a truly committed decision is the force that changes your life.  It’s a power available to you in any moment if you decide to use it.

Prove to yourself that you’ve decided now.  Make one or two decisions that you’ve been putting off: one easy decision and one that’s a bit more difficult.  Show yourself what you can do.  Right now, stop.  Make at least one clear-cut decision that you’ve been putting off – take the first action toward fulfilling it – and stick to it!  By doing this, you’ll be building that muscle that will give you the will to change your entire life.

You and I both know that there are going to be challenges in your future.  But […] if you’ve decided to get past the walls, you can climb over them, you can break through them, you can tunnel under them, or you can find a door.  No matter how long a wall has stood, none has the power to withstand the continued force of human beings who have decided to persist until it has fallen.  The human spirit truly is unconquerable.  But the will to win, the will to succeed, to shape’s one life, to take control, can only be harnessed when you decide what you want, and believe that no challenge, no problem, no obstacle can keep you from it.  When you decide that your life will ultimately be shaped not by conditions, but by your decisions, then in that moment, your life will change forever, and you will be empowered to take control…

 Source: http://www.phillwebb.net/History/TwentiethCentury/continental/Marxism/Fromm/Fromm2.jpg

Both dreams and myths are important communications from ourselves to ourselves. If we do not understand the language in which they are written, we miss a great deal of what we know and tell ourselves in those hours when we are not busy manipulating the outside world.

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self.

Man always dies before he is fully born.

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.

Man’s biological weakness is the condition of human culture.

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

Most people die before they are fully born. Creativeness means to be born before one dies.

The most beautiful as well as the most ugly inclinations of man are not part of a fixed biologically given human nature, but result from the social process which creates man.

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.

There is only one meaning of life: the act of living itself.

In the spirit of the Family Day

From the web-site www.parenting-boys.com

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple that already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

It is a family day in Canada.  I am reading books on parenting because my six-year-old son alone gives me as much headaches as (I am assuming, of course) a whole soccer team would.  I am reading on parenting and I am still nowhere.

That is an excerpt from Jeffrey Bernstein “Liking the Child You Love”.

Joking about my inability to find a way to outsmart my son is what is left for now.

PARENT WANTED POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Job Description:

Long-term team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, twenty-four-hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required; travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing t be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs five dollars.

Must be willing to bit tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.