In a Nutshell

“All men are garbage!”

When I heard that I was astounded.  True of false?  You tell me.  However, the woman who said that all men were garbage wanted a man.  ??? Huh? Not just anybody, but a lawyer, a doctor or somebody like that.  Do you get the point?  Not my point, not the Zero one.  She wanted the money that guy brings.  The guy himself comes as a side effect.  The sad truth is, however, that women are like that.  We want the money, but not men that come with it.

We call it Security.  Does Security brings more money than Police Force?  I don’t know, I never checked.  My man works in IT and Education.  Where did I find him?  I met him when I was only 16.  Both of us started the process of becoming mechanical engineers at the Moscow State Technical University named after N. Baumann.  There were plenty of men.  Maybe some of them were garbage.  I never checked. For garbage, that is.

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: garbage, men | Category: Conversations | | Comments (2)

I had a friend.  Not for very long.  She thought or she liked to think that she was tenacious.  Our friendship did not last long.  Not even a couple of weeks.  But I remembered her for a lot of reasons.  She used to ask the question “What is your point?” when anyone told a joke.  It made it funnier. Sometimes.

So I came up with answering it like that.

Q: What is your point?

A: Point Zero.

You can take your pick.  Point Zero. Flashpoint. Freezing Point.  Sometimes when you make nonsense, it is better than being serious or boring all the time.  But, of course, it is entirely up to you.  So what is your point?

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: humour, jokes, point, Point zero | Category: Conversations | | Leave a comment

I often ask the question “What is your sign?”  Most people assume that I ask for an zodiac sign.  Here it comes — “Power of Assumption”.  I assume and other people assume, our assumptions rarely coincide and here it comes – miscommunication.  Or call it Mis – Assumption.  Take your pick.

So, I kept asking for an astrological sign, until I met a guy who amazed me and made me laugh.

Q: “What is your sign?”

A: “Stop!”

That was funny.  Later he said he was Libra, so it made sense, after all he needed to Stop to make a decision.  He told me that making decisions was hard for him and he usually “flips a coin” to make one.  I believed him.  That’s what I often do until I see that is not the case.  I had no intention to test his words.  But life tends to put everything to test and I saw this Libra make a decision and stick to it with such devotion and strength that I was amazed. Again.

For myself, I picked quite a few “signs”: “Go”, “NO EXIT”, “U-Turn”.

There is another bunch of signs: “I only look sweet and innocent”, “The views expressed by the husband are not necessarily those of the management”.

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: humour, jokes, libra, sign, stop sign | Category: Conversations | | Leave a comment

When Tolerance was being distributed…

Scorpio came first. He asked what Tolerance was and whether it could be used for torture.  Having heard the answer, he grew gloomy, wrote down something in his black notebook and left, waving his whip.

Capricorn did not think it was respectable enough for him to be seen pushing his way through the crowd, so he sent a courier – Sagittarius.  Sagittarius took as much Tolerance as he could fit in his knapsack, but on his way back he was distracted, carried away, went abroad and lost his knapsack there.  To Capricorn he wrote that only assholes gave such assignments and continued his journey without luggage.

Along came provident Cancer and picked up Tolerance that was dropped by Sagittarius.  Cancer stashed it away.  Somewhere.  Sometimes he finds it, all of it at once, but then he fears that it might be stolen, stashes it away in a different place and forgets where again.  And when Cancer begins complaining that all the people around him are not friends but a wolf pack, it means that he lost his Tolerance again.

Libra came in time and asked for a couple of elegant Tolerances, please.  Despite the fact that Libra actually got what he asked for, he very rarely uses either of the two Tolerances because Libra cannot really decide which is better.

Aquarius came one of the first, but was promptly kicked out of the queue when he said that the creator of “Tolerance” was an amateur lacking both skill and imagination and his “Creation” looked no better than what preschoolers usually do under poor supervision.  Aquarius would do a much better job, when he would have enough time, that is.

Virgo spent too much time calculating exactly how much Tolerance of exactly what Standard and Specification he needed.  Therefore his missed his queue and got very little Tolerance of the Highest Standard.  To make up for it, Virgo also got a device with which Tolerance was weighed.  Now Virgo keeps his own miniscule Tolerance of the Highest Quality to himself and goes around with his weighing device measuring everybody else’s tolerance.

Aries wanted to come first, but on his way he met Pisces who had already got Tolerance.  Pisces managed to run away, but their Tolerance was dramatically damaged.  There where Aries got to Pisces (suffice it to say that Aries got almost everywhere), Pisces’ Tolerance became cracked and misshapen so much that it discontinued to look like Tolerance altogether.

Aries turned back and went home because he was not a loser not to be the first in line, especially not after Pisces. However, Aries liked the word “Tolerance” so much, that he engraved it on his baseball bat.

Leo did not come at all, because he did not know what Tolerance was.  And since he did not know it was clear enough that he did not need it.

Taurus came only to tell that he already had Tolerance of his own which was the Best.  Those who disagree could get lost and the quicker the better.

After everybody left, very late at night “a slightly detained” Gemini came… to find only a tiny heap of scraps, left-overs, odds and ends, odd-come-shorts et cetera. He looked around and took it all.  Therefore Gemini has an abundant supply of Tolerance; however, sometimes it seems that he had found it on the garbage heap.

By the way, for those unaware what Tolerance is

a willingness to be tolerant and respectful toward people whose opinions or ways differ from one’s own.

tolerant – willing to let other people do as they think best;

willing to allow beliefs and actions of which one does not approve.

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrological signs, cancer, capricorn, Gemini, Leo, libra, Pisces, scorpio, signs, Taurus, tolerance, Virgo | Category: Chapters | | Comments (1)

And here comes analysis.  That is where people always tell me to do it in traditional ways.  Do as you are told to do things.  But no, I do something else.  That is my crime – doing things my way.  The punishment varies.  Julian Craft gave this report “A minus” and I received “A” for the entire course.  So, I guess, I did well in professional writing.  The only problem that remains – I continue writing, but it is not my profession.

At 8:00 PM, on Monday, August 14, 2000, I finally sat to complete my incident report. My original understanding of the assignment was that I had to disengage myself from the events in the class and describe the incident in the parking lot as if I were an eye witness to it. My handwritten report clearly reflects my original intention. However, when I started typing this report, I realized that that scenario was impossible. If I had to engage my imagination then I would have stepped on a slippery road of constructive processing of the event which is inadmissible in writing incident reports. Firstly, it is very unlikely, that if I was somewhere I did not know where I was. Secondly, I am not deaf yet, and if I were a witness of an incident, I would have heard something. Thirdly, although I do not consider myself too observant, I have a tendency of noticing many details in real life or remembering phrases exactly as they were said. However, my ability to pay attention and recollect continuity of flickering TV shots and their contents is far less sharp than my ability to recollect events of real life. I attribute it to the compressed nature of videotapes. If I had to run to the parking lot, it would have taken me longer than a split of a second. Lastly, the total absence of emotion makes this simulation is less real. Apart from my ongoing frustration, I cannot say that I was not in emotional state. Therefore, I think that the incident was a lesson in Professional Writing and the outcome will be a submitted report.

I am going to submit this report to Julian Craft at 9:00 AM on Tuesday,  August 15, 2000.  After that, I will have no further control of the outcome of this incident.

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: analysis, crime, guess, intention, punishment | Category: Professional Writing | | Leave a comment

That is what I wrote about writing a report.  I doubt if anyone else dared to write to a teacher like that.  But knowing Julian Craft and knowing me it comes as no surprise.

After we watched the tape, Julian Craft told us to write an incident report. At that moment, we had to write the report by hand using the forms, he gave us. We were allowed to talk to each other. We worked on our reports for about twenty minutes. Then Julian Craft asked us to go the laboratory and prepare a typed report using BLICQ format. He specifically instructed us not to go to the nearest “Coffee Time”, although it was my original intention. I went to the CIS laboratory and occupied a computer at the row A. I saw some of my classmates in the laboratory, as well as Julian Craft. I remember discussing BLICQ format with Olanie and Wieslaw. I started writing the report, but I did not have enough time to complete it, as we had another class at 12:00. I was going to finish my report during the week-end, but my first priority was to complete a project in Advanced C course. I worked on it for the whole week-end and there was no time left for the incident report.

August 30th, 2008 | Tags: incident report, Julian Craft, professional writing | Category: Professional Writing | | Leave a comment

I have been told (not again!) what to do.  By the way, “not again!” is a favourite phrase of my son.  That is his reaction to mostly everything he is being told to do.  Well, anyway, at Zip.ca I have been told to take a class in script writing.  I can. But I have so much education, that people tell me that I am too intelligent, too resourceful, too educated.  Too intelligent for what?  To be employed?  Maybe.  That is one of the reasons for my writing.  To vent frustration.  To solve my problems.  To find out what went wrong.  There are plenty of people like me.  Not everybody writes.

So, back to writing.  I already took some courses at DeVry Institute of Technology, in particular.  Even though, my specialty was computers (Information Technology), I had to take general educations courses.  That included writing.  So, there.  Checkmark.

August 29th, 2008 | Tags: DeVry, education, intelligent, writing | Category: Professional Writing | | Comments (4)

Memo

To: Julian Craft

From:

CC:

Date: August 14, 2000

Re: Incident Report

Julian Craft showed us videotape that was to imitate an incident. It appeared that his intention was to give us an exercise in writing incident reports.

The incident occurred at 11:05 AM on Friday, August 11, 2000. Julian Craft was conducting a class in Professional Writing (ENGL 225) in the Room 133 for the group 04CDS1. He brought a trolley with a TV and camcorder to the class. At the beginning of the class, Julian Craft told us that we were going to watch some videotape.

The tape was approximately two minutes long and it had no sound. The videotape appeared to be copied from some TV series. I can affirm that I have never watched this particular series before. To the best of my recollection, the sequence of events was as follows:

Scene 1:

It was a room, supposedly a security guard office. A man in a uniform was already in when another man in a state of agitation ran into the room. It seemed that the man who ran into the room told the security guard some striking news.

Scene 2:

This episode took place in an underground parking lot. Two gentlemen from the first scene ran into the parking lot and I saw them gesticulating and pointing to something.

Scene 3:

A black car was leaving the parking lot at the speed that seemed unusually high, at least for a parking lot.

Scene 4:

A woman was lying on the ground of the parking lot. I did not notice her moving. She was covered with some cloth up her waist or probably higher. I saw a red stain on her, but I cannot recollect the position of that stain.

Scene 5:

This episode pictured different people in the same underground parking lot. I do not recall very well who they were, who was talking to whom, and in what sequence. These people looked more like officials rather than civilians to me and the whole scene looked like some investigation was taking place. There was a policeman (young black male) and another gentleman in a blue shirt who looked like a detective (older white male).

August 29th, 2008 | Tags: incident, incident report, memo, professional writing, scenes, script writing, security | Category: Professional Writing | | Leave a comment

I have been told “to zip it up.”  I did.  Not the way the speaker actually meant it.  I became a member of zip.ca.  For reasons of my own.  Just like everybody else.  What could possibly be my reasons?  I don’t know.  Take a wild guess.  I like this word “guess”.  Although it is a directive, it is a statement.  In which sense?  I don’t know.  Ask the company “Guess”.  Judging by the prices,”Guess” sells.  It is worth the prices?  I don’t know, guess.  Or find out.  I guess it is possible if you are really interested.  Motivation only comes from within, they say and I choose to believe it.  I am only writing as long as I am motivated.  I guess.

August 29th, 2008 | Tags: guess, motivation, zip it up | Category: Chapters | | Comments (3)