So I do my homework.  I bought the journal and I write in it every day, one page daily.  It has been seven days now.  Has my physical and mental health improved?  Maybe, it’s hard to say.  I have another “diary,” the idea is to write three pages every day at the beginning of the day.  I force myself to do it consistently.  I guess I figured out my major problem – it just stares right in my face.  But leaving these cryptic generalizations alone, I will just post the quotes, that inspired my writing in the “In my humble opinion” journal the past week.

Hell is other people. (Jean-Paul Sartre)

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. (Oscar Wilde)

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. (Douglas Adams).

This world is made up for most part of morons and natural tyrants, sure of themselves, strong in their own opinions, never doubting anything. (Clarence Darrow)

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. (Albert Einstein)

Many people would sooner die than think.  In fact, they do. (Bertrand Russell)

Such is the human race.  Often it does seem such a pity that Noah … didn’t miss the boat.  (Mark Twain)

Victor Pelevin “The Sacred Book of Werewolf”

Have you seen the hit of the last Venice Biennale – the haystack in which the first Belarusian postmodernist, Mikolai Klimaksovich, hid from his local police inspector for four years?  Alexander called this work plagiaristic and told Brian about the similar haystack famously used before the revolution by Vladimir Lenin.  Brian observed that repetition is not necessarily plagiarism, it is the very essence of the postmodern, or – to put it in broader terms – the foundation of the modern cultural gestalt, which is manifested in everything, from the cloning of sheep to remakes of old movies, for what else can you do after the end of history?  Brian said it was precisely Klimaksovich’s use of quotation that made him a postmodernist, not a plagiarizer.  But Alexander objected that no quotations would ever have saved this Klimaksovich from the Russian police, and history might have come to an end in Belarus, but there was not sign of it breaking down yet in Russia.

Then Brian showed Alexander a work by Asuro Keshami, one which he regards with especial affection, not least owing to the serious investment required for its production and installation.  Keshami’s work, inspired by the oeuvre of Camille Paglia, of whom you must have heard, consists of an immense tube of red plastic with projections on the inside in the form of white fangs.  It is proposed to install in the open air in one of London’s sports stadiums.

And now I am getting to the point.  One of the most serious problems in the world of modern art is the invention of original and fresh verbal interpretations of a work.  Literally just a few phrases are required, which can be reprinted in the catalogues and reviews.  This apparently trivial detail can often decide the fate of a piece of art.  It is very important here to be able to perceive things from an unexpected, shocking angle, and your friend, with his barbarically fresh view of the world, does this remarkably well.  Therefore, Brian would like permission to use the ideas expressed by Alexander yesterday for the conceptual support of the installation.  The accompanying text which I include below is by way of being a fusion of Brian’s and Alexander’s ideas:

Asuro Keshami’s work ‘VD-42 CC’ combines the languages of different areas – engineering, technology and science.  At the base level the subject-matter is the overcoming  of space: physical space, the space of taboo and the space of our subconscious fears.  The languages of engineering and technology deal with the material from which the object is constructed, but the artist addresses the viewer in the language of emotions.  When the viewer learns that certain people have given this little queer fifteen million pounds to stretch out a huge imitation-leather cunt above an abandoned soccer pitch, he remembers what he does in his own life and how much he is paid for it, then he looks at the photo of this little queer in his horn-rimmed spectacles and funny jacket, and experiences confusion and bewilderment bordering on the feeling that the German philosopher Martin Heidegger called ‘abandonment’ (Geworfenheit).  The viewer is invited to concentrate on these feelings, which constitute the precise aesthetic effect that the installation attempts to achieve.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

It is a Saturday, a sunny and cold day in Toronto.  In 1993, February 6^th was a Saturday, it was sunny in the morning and cold, the roads were slippery (talk about signs!!!), but then it warmed up enough for a real snow storm in the night.

So, today is my wedding anniversary with my first husband to whom I am no longer married.  I am not divorced from him either.  The divorce is still in the process…

I often wonder when the break up really happened and who broke what… and honestly I don’t know.  The saddest part is that I still care.  The best part is… well, the best part remains to be discovered.

Another chapter in my journey.  As much as I am unable to do anything these days or write anything, I could not miss this day.  I should make a post.  And, surprisingly enough it turns out to be the post # 342 (here it comes again, my number 42).  Madness?  Eccentricity? 

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Remarriage is the triumph of hope over experience…”

 

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman.

 

 

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”

 

 

“I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can’t be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn’t happened. But weddings always make me cry.” – Brendan Behan (1923-64) Irish playwright.

 

 

“Three rings of marriage: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.”

 

 

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – George Burns.

 

 

“Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” – Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), British philosopher, Marriage and Morals.

 

 

“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.” – Jim Backus.

 

 

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates.

 

 

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.” –Cher

I love Pelevin’s style.  “Dialectics of transitional period from nowhere to nowhere”.

Coming back to my own insanity.  I just realized that today is the day 42.

4^th February, 2010 – 42 for those who remember that 42 is my number.  We’ll see if the number has any significance.  It is always “either…or”  Either it has significance or not.  I am not obsessed with it, but now it tends to jump out.  I guess my eye is trained now to pick 42 out of the crowd.

I was always drawn to challenges.  I don’t know why.  Overcoming difficulties.  God knows, where my willpower is now, but I have to find it.  My Technical Support Person, my Advisor, my Reader and the control audience (which is same person in all the roles) tells me that I should write.  Period.  Don’t give up.  Write. Write. Write.  Every day.  Be consistent.  God knows, that I am trying.  Even though at the moment, it is more like collecting resources and fertilizing the soil.  A lot of it, are not my stories, but materials that I collected over time.  Nobody can live my life for me.  It does not matter how many times human lives are repeated – every person lives it only once.

Maybe that is why I decided to write the way I write – to share my experience, not to teach how to do anything.  I often get inspired by others, and put their writings on my web site.  I love quotes, because a lot of things have been thought over by so many people.  Originality is hard to achieve.  So is understanding.  But I prefer understanding.  That was always my goal.  Maybe because understanding is so elusive.  Even love and affection are easier to get than true understanding.  My universe is very lonely.  But I am trying.  Perseverance.  Is that the key?

Ö        Making mistakes is OK

Ö        Redefine success and failure:

o       Success is learning

o       Failure is not trying

Ö        Get the facts

Ö        Develop a plan

Ö        Take small steps

Ö        Practice taking risks where it is safe

Ö        Ask for support

Ö        Be patient – slow down

Ö        Be persistent

Ö        Be kind to yourself

Ö        Back up plan

How did I take risks? Diving head first! That was so JVS and so 2007!  But I learned.

Still wondering about my sanity?  Stop.  I am out of my mind.  The first time I walked into Scarborough Grace Hospital was on May 16, 2007.  I felt awful – I knew I needed help.  What did get?  Right – the treatment!!!  Professionals treated me as a nutcase, they locked me in, tied to the bed and well, the story is fairly long– I will tell you later. Oh, yes, I will.

Coming back to my number.  42.

Speaking about coincidences – Form 42 – Mental Health Act.

Dated May 16, 2007, it has two checkmarks

The Physician certified that she has reasonable cause to believe that you have:

• Shown or are showing a lack of competence to care for yourself;
• Serious physical impairment of you.

That is for coming to Hospital seeking help.

Forget 2007.  Now comes 2008 – I was hospitalized two or three times. The first time at the Scarborough Grace hospital again.  I was locked up again.  That is where I met him.  I just opened my eyes from the deep sleep induced by the bloody medications and He comes in singing “That is Amore”.  It was very extraordinary.  A few days later when we were allowed on the regular premises of the Psychiatric Ward, we were sitting outside on the patio and I was half-asleep as usual and then I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw – He jumped two meters away from me.

I asked him “What happened?”

He said: “I just got an erection”

I said: “What did I do?”

He said: “Nothing. I just looked into your eyes!”

That was the moment I will never forget.

Later I bought him a souvenir == a sailboat “Blue and Crystal”, but he was mad at me and he refused even to look at it.  I still have it, it is a souvenir and an inspiration.

There is the song – That’s Amore by Dean Martin –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpPvl0X1hKA&feature=related

In Napoli where love is king

When boy meets girl here’s what they say

When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie

That’s amore

When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine

That’s amore

Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling

And you’ll sing “Vita bella”

Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay

Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool

That’s amore

When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet

You’re in love

When you walk down in a dream but you know you’re not

Dreaming signore

Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli

That’s amore

(When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie

That’s amore

When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine

That’s amore

Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling

And you’ll sing “Vita bella”

Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay

Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool)

That’s amore

(When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet

You’re in love

When you walk down in a dream but you know you’re not

Dreaming signore

Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli)

That’s amore

Lucky fella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool)

That’s amore

(When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet

You’re in love

When you walk down in a dream but you know you’re not

Dreaming signore

Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli)

That’s amore, (amore)

That’s amore

What does sexy mean?

dobyblue
Member

He: Hi, how are you?

She: You look younger than your age

He: yeah.. I got ID all the times… this is “Sense of Humour 4567″

He: What’s your name? How’s lava treating you?

She: I cannot complain. I think they should pay me (pay-per-click) for the traffic on my profiles

He: yeah?? haha… how many viewed your profile??

She: I only started on June 19, since then 50-50-350

He: wow, they should pay you

She: maybe they will

He: haha… email them… i think they will send u free credits only

She: what free credits?

He: sometimes they give you free credits, I heard, so you contact someone u like

She: I do not have any credits, it is pay per month and go ahead contact whoever you want or don’t want

He: oh…different than males?? We have to buy credits to contact females

She: Oh, I see. Maybe it is different. But guys usually contact me.

He: yeah, that’s how they make money…hahaha…Guys want to talk to everyone…haha

She: it is phisically possible?

He: with IM?

He: yeah, haha, and they have to use tons of credits, haha

She: I do not know how it is going for other girls – I do  not exactly advertise that I am “hunting”

He: yeah?? nice to know… so, what brings you here, just checking??

She: you did not read my profile

He: yes, I did, officer

She: license and registration, please sir

He: I don’t have one… can you give me a break? Sir? Please??

She: Step out of the vehicle, sir.

He: Oh,… let me put my pants on…too hot in here and  a shirt, too

She: Please open your trunk

He: yes, here you go…

She: Does IT  belong to you?He: no!!! I don’t know  what it is…. I just got What’s your name? Officer??

She: PC Johnston.  You will have to come with us, sir.

He: oh…ok…please don’t kill me, where are you taking me?!

He: well…myminutes up soon…thanks for the talk…if you like we can on the msn later….[e-mail address], if not, it’s OK, unless you want to call me? haha…just kidding…

She: I will check you out in our Police database.  What is your Police Division number?

He: 23

She: 42