I decided, at least for a while, to follow Goethe’s advice.

Quote of the month.

“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

Making a list:

Ö        A Little Song

Ö        A Poem

Ö        A Picture

Ö        A Few Reasonable Words

I love songs and I will start with Batuka“Dame Fuego”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6kHDBqpVCA

A little analysis.

A song with lyrics already contains a poem, because that is what lyrics are.  Lyrics contain a few reasonable words, or so I hope.  This particular song is in Spanish, that I don’t speak, but I have an online translator.  Translations more often than not are lame or sound quite lame.  But I am trying to extract the reason or meaning, or at least remember a few Spanish words.

A word for today.

“Dame fuego, dame el fuego de tu Corazon”

(Give me fire give me the fire of your heart)

One thing is missing – a Picture.  Or is it?  The video clip is a picture, so homework is done.

Don’t ask me, if I am nuts.  Because the answer is… I will give you multiple choice

1. Yes
2. No
3. Maybe
4. Does it matter?
5. All of the above.

I love this word even though it seems to be somewhat an exaggeration for describing how I feel.  How can I be infatuated with the person I am infatuated with?  Well, I am talking about “my delicate friend” and I am trying to figure out what has happened, why it has happened and what to do.  He dismissed the word “infatuation” as totally wrong or inappropriate.

Well, according to the dictionary “to infatuate” means either make foolish or inspire with a foolish and unreasoning passion.  Frankly, I don’t really see how passion can be reasoning.  But the word infatuation expresses something extreme – extreme adoration, foolish love, or unreasoning fondness.

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Mikhail Lermontov

I am lonenly and sad

I’m lonely and sad, and in moments of bitterest pain

Have no one to look to, alas…

Desires!.. What use to desire without end, without gain,

While all the best years swiftly, fleetingly pass!

To love… Whom?.. If briefly, ’tis not worth the effort…

Fore’er?..

Vain longing, since love cannot last.

Look into your heart: joy and torment – all paltry, and there

Remains not a trace of the past.

The passions?.. Sweet ailment that reason will easily cure,

A cold word of logic arrest.

And life – what is life if you look round you coolly?-

A poor,

An empty and trivial jest!..

1840

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We did not analyze the word “infatuation”.  But we did talk about chemistry.  The one that exists in relationships.  According to the dictionary, “chemistry” is described as “qualities of personality in interaction”.  He did not seem to be too happy that every woman (or so it seems) asks for this elusive concept of chemistry.  He said, that he did not study chemistry.  Well, neither did I, not this chemistry anyways.  We talked about it jokingly and then agreed that we probably should take some lessons.

On my own, I played with some words.  Chemistry versus Physistry (the physistry I did study).  Law of Attraction.  Magnetism.  Hypnosis.  Chain Reaction.  Energy.  Inertia.  Inertia?  That inertia of thinking when you for some reason fall for a certain type.  It is a powerful thing.  The patterns.  But seriously, what is chemistry?

I did look it up on the Internet and the resource that I found is short and sweet and quite to the point.

I am not going to cut and paste, you can read it on your own, provided it still will be available at the moment when you check out the link.  If it won’t, let me know, I save it on my computer just in case.

http://astoundingdatingtips.com/blog/2008/10/08/how-chemistry-is-build-between-a-man-and-a-woman/

The love potion apparently consists of three ingredients:

1)      PEA – phenylethylamine (adrenaline-like neurochemicals) – fireworks, we see stars, walk on air, natural high

2)      Dopamine

3)      Norepinephrine (both chemical cousins of amphetamines, that stimulate production of adrenaline) – euphoria, energy, love sparks

The best part is this – the author calls “chemistry” infatuation.

No, maybe the best part is, that the author dismisses the word love.

“Love? No, just “chemistry” and infatuation!

 Thanks for writing. It sounds like you are having a difficult time. At this time, the WISE program does not seem to be a helpful next step for you.

 I hope you get the right support to help you through this difficult time.

 Regards,

 Counsellor # 1

Employment Counsellor

WISE Program-JVS Toronto

10 King Street East, Suite 300

Toronto, ON M5C 1C3

  My comment: Of course, if you have a difficult time, it is better to remove yourself and go somewhere else!

From: me
Sent: June 18, 2007 2:38 PM
To: Counellor # 1
Subject: Appointment

DearCounsellor # 1:

I need to make an appointment with you, if you have time this week it would be great.

I need your help in finding specific employment, so our meeting would be strictly professional (no emotions, crying or yelling on my part).  I did what I did partly because I simply broke down.  Not only machines break down, but people, too.  But unlike machines, people who break down and cannot handle it are expected or asked to behave by other people who can behave and handle it at the time.   It is a paradox.  I got professional help every step of my way and now I am handling my life much better.

I completed the “Career Exploration” manual on my own and I have an Action Plan.  Meaning, I know how I can start making money, but I need to make a transition from being employable to be employed.  I will you give the specifics later.  Let me assure you that it is all-appropriate and all within your job specifications.  I did not read your job specifications, but I think i have a very good understanding what they are.

Thank you in advance,

 Svetlana

 Hi Svetlana,

I replied to your e-mail on June 5, saying that the WISE program doesn’t seem to be a suitable next step for you at this time.  I didn’t hear back from you on this issue for two weeks. Your file is now closed in WISE.

Although your file is closed, we can arrange a time to meet once and discuss the action plan you said you have developed as well as your next steps. I can offer you any comments I may have on your action plan.

 If you would like to continue your participation in WISE, your file will have to be re-opened. To do that, we need to get more information regarding your health, professional support system, and treatment for managing the crisis you have been experiencing recently. This information is needed to understand how your current state of health would affect your future employment, and to determine if an employment preparation program would be an appropriate option for you at this time. This will also include signing a consent form to allow us to consult other professionals supervising your health. Based on this information, a decision can be made about re-opening your file.

I won’t be able to meet with you this week. I can see you on Monday June 25 at any of these  times:  10:00,11:30,  or 2:00. Please let me know if you decide to take any of these appointments.

 Regards,

 Employment Counsellor # 1

My comment: You see, it is obvious, as soon as “the Helpers” realize that you need special attention, the first thing to do is to get rid of the problem.  That is how they problem solve.  I am still wondering how many people are really helped by JVS.  I wish I could see the statistics of how many women found new careers and fulfilled their dreams.  Because JVS staff is certainly ill equipped to help.  Moreover, they don’t care.

On June 19, 2007, I wrote:

Dear Counsellor # 1:

I would like to take the appointment on Monday, June 25, at 14:00, please.

I did not realize that I had to respond to your previous message so I did not.  I just took it for its face value – no.  No means no, you did not want to meet with me at that time.  I thought it was fair.  I asked the simple question bearing very little suspense of what the answer could be.  Only two possibilities, yes or no, hence the simplicity.  No was a valid answer for me.  Anyway, that was my impression.

I did seek professional help all the way of the process. I am honest (remember, honesty is my core value). To tell you the truth you were the first in line.  “Career exploration” was the beginning, and then when I needed to see a crisis counselor I did (please do not forget that you gave me all the contacts).  And I am grateful.

If you need information about me, I will give it to you, but this time I might ask to see the Rules and Regulations of JVS as well.  You are an employee who follows the rules of the organization and you are in the position of power.  On the other hand, I am a customer who comes not knowing your rules and I have to simply trust that you know what you do and you have all the qualifications and you actually follow the rules.  It is unfair.  It became very obvious now that I have to prove it to you that I am entitled to your help and you do not have to prove anything to me.  When I came to JVS, all I wanted was a direction to go and I what I got was an Exploration Journey.  I learned so much it feels that I am back at University again.  Which feels great, I was scared and helpless, now I can handle fear and I stand up for myself.  Wasn’t it that the idea?  Feel the fear and do it anyway?  I did my homework; I read the book that was recommended.

If you need proof, I will give it to you, but do not expect me to trust something that I simply do not know.  I am entitled to find out and I ask.  Nicely.  I am not in a business of suing people, I simply get what I want by using resources == systems.  And I follow the rules.  You can trust me on that.

 Well, there is a rule that I bended again! 
I over explained.  Because I like you and I thought it will be easier for you to understand. I might be wrong.  I am human, I make mistakes, I have emotions.  But believe me I like people and people like me.  I have the proof.  I understand people.  Do you?

Take care,

Svetlana Ivanova

After I put it all together – personality dimensions, work values, personal strengths, the results of the skills scan, and the knowledge-based skills, I got my PROFILE done.

So, the rest was easy.  JVS asked me about my DREAM JOB and I said that I want to have an orphanage for children that were rejected by everybody else.  Because I wanted to prove the fact that a lot depends on the upbringing and I would be a noble thing to do.  Besides the fact, of course, that I simply love being with children.

So, here are the suggestions from JVS and other members of the group to as what I have to do in order to get what I wanted.

My Dream Job:

1. To run an orphanage for the rejects.  Orphanage manager, owner, curriculum designer.
2. To open my Dance Studio (that came to my mind only two short years later! LOL)

Suggestions from Other Members of the Group:

1. Independent Daycare
2. Social Worker
3. Camp Counsellor
4. Fundraiser for Charities working for Children
5. Kindergarten ECE
6. Advocate and Speaker
7. Children’s Aid (Advocate)
8. Juvenile Correction Officer
9. Child Psychiatrist
10. Foster Parent Coordinator
11. Policy and Curriculum Designer (for Children)
12. Life Skills Coach
13. Children’s Health
14. Non-profit Program Manager

At 8:00 PM, on Monday, August 14, 2000, I finally sat to complete my incident report. My original understanding of the assignment was that I had to disengage myself from the events in the class and describe the incident in the parking lot as if I were an eye witness to it. My handwritten report clearly reflects my original intention. However, when I started typing this report, I realized that that scenario was impossible. If I had to engage my imagination then I would have stepped on a slippery road of constructive processing of the event which is inadmissible in writing incident reports. Firstly, it is very unlikely, that if I was somewhere I did not know where I was. Secondly, I am not deaf yet, and if I were a witness of an incident, I would have heard something. Thirdly, although I do not consider myself too observant, I have a tendency of noticing many details in real life or remembering phrases exactly as they were said. However, my ability to pay attention and recollect continuity of flickering TV shots and their contents is far less sharp than my ability to recollect events of real life. I attribute it to the compressed nature of videotapes. If I had to run to the parking lot, it would have taken me longer than a split of a second. Lastly, the total absence of emotion makes this simulation is less real. Apart from my ongoing frustration, I cannot say that I was not in emotional state. Therefore, I think that the incident was a lesson in Professional Writing and the outcome will be a submitted report.

I am going to submit this report to Julian Craft at 9:00 AM on Tuesday,  August 15, 2000.  After that, I will have no further control of the outcome of this incident.