Source: http://www.bloomington.k12.mn.us/indschool/WB/calendar1.jpg

Calendar Wisdom.

For all these (3!) months I have not done well at all.  All of these months I have not succeeded, even in March when I decided to stick to “Success” and “supposedly” made resolutions.  No, to be more specific, I made resolutions; the only problem was I did not carry them through.  But remembering the Art of Reframing, it was not a disaster, but a learning experience.  So, I need a plan, I need motivation, I need to check my progress daily.  I will see what will happen from now on.  But I have to admit that two ideas are firmly planted in my head – Love (February’s theme) and Success (March’s theme), they are unrelated (or so it seems so far!).  I have read a book by Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within” and I will be quoting him regularly.  I guess I can give myself credit for at least trying to find a way – Anthony Robbins is considered to be a psychologist of change and success, even though his expertise is not indisputable.  Regardless of his credentials, I believe that if I do the exercises that he suggests and take his advice with a pinch of salt, I will do better than without any plan or direction in mind.  I have to stay on track!  I can change almost everything, but it takes time.  So, opening a new chapter…

April Fools.

Perhaps it’s light-hearted nature of Spring that brought about April’s Fool Day, the way it looks like summer one day only to be freezing the next.  Take a moment to inject humour into your day.  See if any of the word tiles below strike your funny bone.  If not, try randomly grabbing words and putting them next to each other.  Take it further: put together those words that seem least likely to be side by side.  Create an absurdist collection of funny language.

Quote of the month:

“Humour is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute is crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

 - Mark Twain

I tend to think that I have a great sense of humour, but some people just don’t get my jokes and in the worst-case scenario it all turns very ugly.  They may get angry, offended or aggressive.  I think they take themselves way too serious.  Do I have to adjust all the time?  I guess it is a choice…  I always laugh at myself, so it must be a good Sign!

A Dark Horse

I have done this analysis before.  Once I walked in an Art Shop and met a nice young man by the name William who actually had read “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky.  We had a heated discussion and I said that I was not quite sure that foreigners were even close to understanding Dostoevsky because of the way he wrote.  Something must be lost in translation.  William did agree, and expressed that “colour yellow” was lost in translation.  The discussion was not limited to “Crime and Punishment”, Dostoevsky, literature or colours for that matter.  At the time I was very much interested in the Personality Dimensions of Blue – Orange – Green – Gold variety and suggested that we find out William’s colours.  He said that he would be willing to do that only if I agreed to do go through the Cube Personality Test.  I don’t remember his colours, but I remember this story.

And I remember vividly my own results of the Cube Personality Test.  Do you know why William was so adamant about the Cube Personality Test?  He thought I was “so full of myself”.  He couldn’t be more wrong.

The questions he asked me were not exactly the same as I found just recently on the Internet, but I will try to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can.

First of all, there was no white room.  He asked me to imagine a scene and myself in it.  So I imagined myself on the ocean shore, walking on the beach, feet in the water, eyes looking down at my feet, occasionally looking up at the scenery, green and mountainous, beautiful beyond imagination.

Source: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Salt-Cay-Turks-and-Caicos-Islands-Posters_i3689447_.htm

Cube.

I don’t remember whether he suggested that I should imagine a WHITE cube.  But I did.  It was far away in the ocean, fairly small in size.  So, I was not “full of myself” at all, far from it and my ego was smaller in 2008, than it is now in 2010.  But it is true, I have learned a lot from my experiences in these two years and I gained some confidence.  The fact that the cube was white…  Either it was according to his suggestion, or I did not hide from others who I was at that moment.

Flowers.

There were no flowers in his scenario.

Ladder.

Ladder was also white, fairly small in size, floating in the water, obviously in a horizontal position.  No interpretation needed.  No goals, no aspiration, no ambition.  Or all of it was in a slumber state.

Source: http://thumb18.shutterstock.com.edgesuite.net/photos/display_pic_with_logo/182188/182188,1242375239,1.jpg

By the way, it is not what I imagined, but when I was looking for an  image, I could not resist.  I so do love spirals and twists!

Horse.

He asked for the colour of the horse.  I had trouble picking between black and white.  I chose black in the end.  The horse was running towards me.  I don’t know why I was so perplexed with the horse images and still I remember mostly this horse.  In Russian, we have an expression “a dark horse”, meaning somebody with fairly inconspicuous looks who turns out to be a winner quite unexpectedly.  I guess it is the same in English.  If that horse is running towards me and I haven’t seen it yet, it probably means, that the horse has quite a journey.  I am still curious.  Really!

Source: http://www.blessedbylife.com/images/blackhorsebeach.jpg

That is my horse precisely, my dream has been photographed.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is far in the ocean, but the sky is darkening and the storm is quite serious.

Source: http://www.roadsideoregon.com/?cat=3

I don’t know about you, but I had fun doing this test.  I love imagery and it is quite memorable.  Now it is time to go back to my challenges (opportunities)!

By the way, I just decided to test my parents.  It was so much fun.  My mom’s ego is red and bigger than mine, my dad’s ego is BLACK (help! what does that mean?) and the same size as mine.  Really, you should try it!

Source: http://www.myweddingflowerideas.co.uk/wedding-bouquet/red-gerbera-bouquet-rge.jpg

Cube.

Well, the cube is red, a size of a side table, located in the center of the room and on the floor.  Interpretation: I am humble, grounded and the red colour of the cube might represent that my center is in my heart, small, but all-important.  Maybe because red is the colour of passion and I am a very passionate person.  Or maybe because in Russian “red” is synonymous with “beautiful”.  I do hide who I am from others, but only to a point.  I do consider myself to be fairly open.  The fact that my red cube is in the center of the room means that I (my ego, my heart, my brain, my mind) is the center of my universe.  Where else should it be?  I am still perplexed why I have picked the red colour, for it is not my favourite.  Maybe because walls are so white is this white room? LOL.

Flowers.

They are located on the perimeter, so there are a lot of them, all red Gerbera, natural Gerbera size.  Again, colour red.  I don’t have an explanation for the red colour in this case.  Love, passion, design?  I agree that I need family and a lot of friends, but at the moment they are not so close to me.  I wish they were, or at least I think I wish they were and I am trying to close the gap.

Ladder.

Ladder is white, from floor to ceiling and for that matter a fairly steep one (like in a submarine, or maybe not, I have never been on a submarine!), but it is located in a Northeast corner of the room.  I am not currently working on my goals.  But I am all in the preparation mode.  Last time I did the cube analysis, the ladder was just lying on the floor flat.  So, some improvement.

Horse.

One thing is clear, the horse is near me.  I could not decide what colour to pick (black or white), still indecisive.  Characteristics of a horse?  Mamma mia!  Intelligent, witty, philosophical, trustworthy, true friend.  No interpretation necessary.  Only a comment – there is no horse near me.  I am not in a relationship.

Rainstorm.

Rainstorm is all over the room.  Meaning…  I have way to many problems.  Or opportunities (never forget the Art of Reframing!)

What to do?

Maybe most of you do not know what the word Soviet actually means.  The first meaning is Advice, the second is Counsel.  So coming from this great country of Advice, there is never lack of it.

Take one step at a time.  Thank you.  It is usually how it is done.  I need one leg to stand on.  Unless I jump.  I hope not from my balcony. Well, I am joking now.  But with bipolar you never know.

Anyway coming back to the steps and sequence.  I already revealed my big secret – I love dancing.  I want to open my own business – a dance studio.  “What are your qualificatons?”  — I told you.  I have Masters in Engineering from Moscow and a Bachelor Degree in IT from DeVry.  No, I cannot teach dance myself.  But it is my passion.  I know it will happen some day.  Dance is what brings me joy.

This post is an exercise in free style writing.  There is a free style dancing as well – not choreographed by others, but a dance which allows to express yourself.  Children do it all the time.  They are my inspiration. I love children just as much as I love dancing.

Ok, but for managing my “life dance” I do need choreography.  Some of it. 

choreography

 dance composition

1. Avoid casting blame on an external force for your bad feelings about life.  Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or your actions.

2. Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control.  You are doing the best you can, you are on the way to reclaiming your power.

3. Be aware of when and where you play the victim role. Learn the clues that tell you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing, or feeling.

4. Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy – your Chatterbox.  Use the exercises throughout this book to replace it with a loving internal friend.

5. Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck”.  Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be able to quickly become “unstuck”.

6. Determine what you want in life and act on it.  Stop waiting for someone to give it to you.  You’ll be waiting for a long time.

7. Be aware of the many choices you have – in both actions and feelings – in any situation that comes your way.  Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.

from the book “Feel the fear … and do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers, Ph. D.

A friend told me “Toronto sucks!”  I strongly disagree, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot make my friend see the real problem.  He is clueless why he is sooo unhappy.  Like most of us, he is playing “blaming game”. 

• It is not my fault that Toronto sucks.
• It is not my fault that my job sucks.
• It is not my fault that my marriage sucks.
• It is not my fault that my life sucks.

Sounds familiar?  But whose fault is it?  That is where it all begins.  Pain. 

• Pain of everyday life.
• Pain of existence.
• Pain of depression.
• Pain of inertia.
• Pain of indecision and lack of will to make some changes.
• Pain of not belonging.
• Pain of loneliness.
• Pain of not being understood.

Remember the art of reframing?  Using Pain to Power Vocabulary:

It is a Problem             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             It is an Opportunity

I can’t                          = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I won’t

It’s not my fault             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I am totally responsible

So here it goes.  Substitution.  Simple.  I am totally responsible for everything that I have in my life.  In short, I deserve what I have.  If I think I deserve something better, I should make an effort to get it.  How?  Here comes the “How get what you want” theory. 

There are only two steps:

1. Define what you want (it is the hardest part).
2. Go get it.

How?  Figure it out.  If you really want it, you will find the way.  Motivation only comes from within.  And, pleaaase, don’t ask for explanations.  When you do so, it is the same if you would ask me to chew your food for you.  You should find your own way – brainstorm, do your research, find resources, problem-solve.

How do I solve my problems?  I started out like everybody else.  Clueless.  I blamed everyone in my life: my mother, my friends, my husband, and my stupidity.  I listened to others.  Oh, boy!  People seemed to be experts in solving my problems.

• You are too old
• You are too fat
• You analyze too much
• You are too intelligent
• Be humble
• Zip it up
• You have too much education
• You are overqualified
• Take your perversions somewhere else
• You are very bitter
• You are angry
• You will never get a job
• You will never find like-minded people
• You will never get published
• We cannot have you in the group because you require special attention

Well, here is goes “we cannot”.  That was JVS.  We cannot have you in the program.  It was JVS who gave me the Binder – the Manual with the “Art of Reframing”.  So, let’s substitute.

We won’t have you in the program.  End of story.  Not quite.  But they kicked me out.  I was too much for them.  That was May 2007.  As one of my new friends said – it is SO 2007.  That was the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  Well, Bipolar or not I am not going to give up.  That is my solution “Never Give Up!”

According to the  ”The Art of Reframing”, every problem is an opportunity in essence. 

At my door there is a whole queue:

1. health (you know, that I am mental)
2. job, I am still unemployed
3. separation
4. I live with my parents and I do not feel myself at home, even though it has a lot of advantages
5. I don’t have a car

 These are my opportunities!  How about you?  So how many oppotunities are knocking at your door right now? Who wants to share?

For example,

It is a problem ==> It is an opportunity.

It is a good substitution; however, when you start to substitute the word “problem” with the word “opportunity” every time, it becomes nonsensical.  Sometimes funny. Take your pick.

I am a natural problem-solver. So, now, I am an opportunity-solver.  “What is your problem?” becomes “what is your opportunity?” No, really!  What is your opportunity?