In a Nutshell » behaviour

Pleasure today, Pain tomorrow or … vice versa?

Svetlana — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:03:36 +0000

Source: http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life. I do procrastinate. I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it. Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor? What determines the difference in human actions? Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions. One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason. We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour. This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains. What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life? PAIN and PLEASURE! Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives. But they can’t get themselves to follow through. They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it. There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about. Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine. Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it. Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination? It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it. Why not? The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off. Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done? What happened? You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to. Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself! Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.” (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation. Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it. Why? Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems. It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do. Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system. For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain. We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface. Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent. Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.” (Michel De Montaigne)

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain. And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure. We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.” (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

- Why haven’t I taken action?

- In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now. What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat? If you don’t stop smoking? If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make? If you don’t start consistently working out each day? Be honest with yourself. What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years? What’s it going to cost you emotionally? What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image? What will it cost you in your physical energy level? What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem? What will it cost you financially? What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most? How does that make you feel? Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.” That’s not enough. You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions. So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

- I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

- I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

- I’ll gain physical vitality and health. I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

- I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

- My life will better in all these ways now.

- Over the next two, three, four, five years.

- By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

Zip.ca – Personality Dimensions (Blue, Orange, Green, Gold)

Svetlana — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:07:17 +0000

There are four colours. You have all of them in you, but the order is different. Some colour must be prevalent.

I will start with Authentic Blue.

Characteristics
- people-oriented
- relates well to others
- makes a favourable impression
- creates a cohesive environment
- enthusiastic and stimulating
- sensitive to the needs of others
- supportive, empathetic, inspirational
- expressive and animated
- seeks and appreciates harmony
- ethical, honest, and sincere
- concerned for others
- optimistic

So, are there any Blues on the Zip.ca? I am Blue-Orange.

Posted: 2008-08-19 22:11:00 #

kiwi
Member

Some colour must be prevalent

Actually, I disagree with this. When I was at OISE and we were tested, I was even across the board. Had the same amount of each.

Posted: 2008-08-20 08:35:34 #

Goose
Member

Chartreuse!

Posted: 2008-08-20 11:56:19 #

Svetlana
Member

OISE means?

Posted: 2008-08-20 12:52:46 #

Svetlana
Member

I am not going to force you to agree. But, if you are 25% Blue, Kiwi, why you have no friends on Zip.ca? That is not BLUE. Maybe your first colour is Green.

Posted: 2008-08-20 12:55:38 #

Goose
Member

Magenta!
With taupe highlights!

Posted: 2008-08-20 15:05:15 #

Svetlana
Member

I see people love colours. So, we have some creative creatures here. Good.

Posted: 2008-08-20 15:09:05 #

Svetlana
Member

Resourceful Orange:

Characteristics:

- seeks change and variety
- action-oriented doers
- makes quick decisions
- independent and competitive
- extremely generous
- quick witted and funny
- seeks new ways to do things
- takes initiative
- realistic, practical risk-taker
- eager to try new things
- open and non-judgmental

I hope there are enough Oranges here. I like them.
LandPhil is not an Orange for sure. Too judgmental. Maybe he can improve. By eating some oranges. That might help. Or not.

Posted: 2008-08-20 15:14:53 #

footnote
Member

Blue-Green (Algae). Better known as pond scum.

Posted: 2008-08-20 15:22:13 #

Goose
Member

A Perfect Circle – “Blue”

I didn’t want to know
I just didn’t want to know
Best to keep things in the shallow end
‘Cause I never quite learned how to swim
I just didn’t want to know

Close my eyes just to look at you
Taken by the seamless vision
I close my eyes
Ignore the smoke

Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you

Because I don’t want to know
I didn’t want to know

Mistook their nods for an approval
Just ignore the smoke and smile

Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
Such a perfect color for your eyes
Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she’s turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you

I don’t wanna know

Posted: 2008-08-20 16:19:57 #

footnote
Member

I think this is a DVD site, so here is thought:

Notes Alive!: Dr. Seuss’s My Many Colored Days is an exploration of relating emotional confusion with colours. I used to read the book to my kids, particularly if they were having ‘irrational’ days. It is well worth a look. Great for kids dealing with new emotions and, I guess, it might work for those with severe personality disorders and mental confusion.

There is a train going by. It finally rained (38+ for 10 days). The rain forced a bird to fly in the warehouse and it got caught in a mouse trap. Mouse traps have yellow baits. It was all Yellow. I like Coldplay. Damn song is going to be stuck in my head now though.

Posted: 2008-08-20 16:36:50 #

kiwi
Member

But, if you are 25% Blue, Kiwi, why you have no friends on Zip.ca? I don’t believe in anonymous friendship – it’s an oxymoron. ~wonders why I’m even bothering to respond~

Posted: 2008-08-21 01:58:34 #

Svetlana
Member

People get to know each other in different ways. Never mind your colour. When my colours were identified, it became much easier for me to identify people I feel more comfortable with. Now I tend to go straight to Blue-Orange people because they are considerate, but action-oriented. To me it is important. In real life, I size up people quickly. Action requires guts, consideration for others softens up the interaction. Internet on the other hand is not quite the same. People think that my writing is me. And they reject anything unusual. Our society is society of fear and rejection. I am still learning how to overcome both.

Posted: 2008-08-21 07:05:43 #

jasperlily
Member

OISE = Ontario Institute of Studies in Education (correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty certain of this)

Svetlana, why did you only post the descriptions for Blue and Orange? What about the other colours? Or am I to take it that you’re not really interested in others who are different from yourself?

Oh, by the way, I’m a “Blue”. I’ve done this personality-colour test thing before.

Posted: 2008-08-21 08:49:57 #

Svetlana
Member

Jasperlily, if you want, I will post the other colours as well. It is not that I am not interested in other people, quite the contrary. But have you noticed that I have been crucified here? For being insane. Maybe, if I was insane, I would be much happier. I will be one day. Today I am celebrating the 5th birthday of my son. Who is Blue-Orange, too. He is the greatest gift that I received in my life. We are compatible. It can’t get any better than this.

Posted: 2008-08-21 10:07:18 #

Goose
Member

Drama!

Posted: 2008-08-21 10:45:07 #

Svetlana
Member

For emotionally-challenged (do not take it too personally!) We are adults, are we?

Inquiring Green

Characteristics

- logical and rational
- quality conscious
- improvement oriented
- analytical and systematic
- investigative and inquisitive
- seeks the big picture
- emotionally self-controlled
- strategic thinker
- innovative and ingenious
- needs independence
- requires private time
- sets high expectations & standards

Potential weaknesses

- insensitivity to the feelings of others
- impatience and lack of understanding toward emotional arguments/pleas
- lack of concentration if disinterested
- can be impatient and arrogant
- analysis paralysis
- lack of follow-through

Posted: 2008-08-21 12:41:01 #

Zaphod
Member

I took the test and apparently I’m “off white”.

Posted: 2008-08-22 19:15:05 #

brockboi
Member

Svetlana: are you a teacher?

Posted: 2008-08-23 10:15:49 #

Svetlana
Member

I guess I am. But I do everything free of charge. That is my motto. I just like people and I like exploring new territories. I share my knowledge as I go. It’s fascinating. You see, personality dimensions are easy. Even the tendency to wear a certain colour speaks tons about a person. My son picked everything orange when he was little. Just look around. Do you notice what people wear? Look out for Blue, Orange and Green. Chances are it is the favourite colour and the prevalent one. You don’t have to believe me, but I have not created this system. It’s been done before me by psychologists.

Personally, I do not care much for Gold People (I am not really compatible with them).

Posted: 2008-08-23 15:14:41 #

brockboi
Member

i am a teacher and we use the coloured personality dimernsions in our classroom. it makes life a little easier because students and teachers can better understand why and how others get under their skin!

Posted: 2008-08-23 15:40:16 #

brockboi
Member

btw: i’m a mix, but have a tough time dealing with oranges!

Posted: 2008-08-23 15:40:58 #

Svetlana
Member

Then keep your distance. You know, my understanding of Artful Driving: if you want to hit a vehicle in front of you press gas, if not, keep your distance.

Posted: 2008-08-23 21:13:03 #

Svetlana
Member

I call myself a Bloody Orange. When I was a child, I always wanted to be hero, a partisan, a revolutionary. The irony is that I am a revolutionary. I do not like to conform. That does not make me crazy, however. Some people see only labels and that is why I will never be a teacher. I move on, I need novelty, the excitement. Call a zest for life.

Posted: 2008-08-23 21:16:28 #

PokerFace
Member

My favourite colour is blue, so I wear blue clothing very often. Red is my next favourite colour. However, I’m definetly a “Green” personality, except I’ve always cared about other people’s feelings. Although it is true that if I’m focused on something, I tend to ignore other people completely.

I checked out what Gold is and it’s definetly not me (although I had many Gold characteristics in my first 18 years of life). Apparently, 46% of the population profess to be Gold. The Gold personality is the “straight arrow” of society, the law-maker and the dutiful citizen, the guardian of tradition and the organizer of institutions (there are more characteristics as well). Known Yellow’s [Gold's] include Barbara Walters, George and Barbara Bush Sr., Queen Elizabeth and Colin Powell.

Cue the music, Kermit…

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.

Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

This thread is sponsored by Color Your World.
We spell color without the u. If you don’t like it, then F U.

Posted: 2008-08-24 04:22:34 #

Svetlana
Member

No wonder, PokerFace you are a writer. I will tell you my vision. Or rather a visual. Just helps me relax sometimes. Take three fingers. Each represents a parameter of what you can define yourself. The first is attitude. Ask people to define an attitude on the spot and you will never get the right answer. Anyway, an attitude is a tendency to behave in a certain way. Can be changed. The middle finger is your personality. You did not choose your personality and you cannot change it (you can try, good luck!). The third is behaviour. Behaviuor is simply an action. Actions just like attitude can be changed. The only finger that sticks out is the middle one. That is the Personality One. (Inspired by F U comment). Nothing personal, really.

No wonder I clash with Gold people, but I tend to find my way around. That is my Blue part. It is fun, anyways, isn’t it?

Posted: 2008-08-24 12:07:09 #

Goose
Member

Don’t go to China!

I saw the closing ceremonies. There was an abundance of gold people.

And martians.

Posted: 2008-08-25 11:19:27 #

cind
Member

I’m green – orange. Really green. Gold people seem to chase the regular paycheck and want to do everything right – that makes them necessary in society to make sure everything is looked after.
I want to know what orange – gold people are like. Are they successful in business?? I don’t think I know any.
I sort of agree with kiwi – one of my friends appears to be equal for all colours, but when you really look close there is one that stands out. Maybe people try to be what they think they should be but the core personality is there and has to come out.

Posted: 2009-05-09 15:17:06 #

Varrus
Member

I am a human being, not a colour.

Posted: 2009-05-15 15:18:47 #

Bleh
Member

I am an ogre, not a human being. Although I am also like an onion, in that I smell bad and make people cry.

Posted: 2009-05-16 00:00:35 #