Source:  http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life.  I do procrastinate.  I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it.  Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor?  What determines the difference in human actions?  Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions.  One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.  We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour.  This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains.  What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life?  PAIN and PLEASURE!  Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives.  But they can’t get themselves to follow through.  They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it.  There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about.  Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine.  Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it.  Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination?  It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it.  Why not?  The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off.  Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done?  What happened?  You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to.  Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.”  (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself!  Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.”  (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.  Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it.  Why?  Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.  It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do.  Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system.  For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain.  We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface.  Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent.  Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.”  (Michel De Montaigne)

 

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.”  (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

-         Why haven’t I taken action?

-         In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.  What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat?  If you don’t stop smoking?  If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make?  If you don’t start consistently working out each day?  Be honest with yourself.  What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years?  What’s it going to cost you emotionally?  What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image?  What will it cost you in your physical energy level?  What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem?  What will it cost you financially?  What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most?  How does that make you feel?  Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.”  That’s not enough.  You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions.  So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

-         I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

-         I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

-         I’ll gain physical vitality and health.  I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

-         I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

-         My life will better in all these ways now.

-         Over the next two, three, four, five years.

-         By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

Source: http://www.thelifechangeexperiment.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/decision-making-processes1.jpg

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” (Helen Keller)

Remembering the art of reframing  -  life is not a struggle, but an adventure.  So, forget about nothing, it is too much of an abstract idea.  Life cannot be nothing, but we can perceive it differently.  “Get a life!” say some.  It is, of course, not only rude, but also absurd.  All of us are alive; the question is what to do with those lives.  That is a matter of choice.  When we make choices, we make decisions and control our lives to a certain degree.  Correction.  Not to a certain degree, we are in total control, yet most of the time completely unaware of it.  I am trying to change my view on how to make decisions.  There is one post I made on making decisions,

http://www.altrealm.com/english/chapters/2009-07-26/jvs-wise-10-steps-in-decision-making/

But when I compared it with the strategy suggested by Anthony Robbins, I see that he is more relaxed about choices.  The most important part is to reach the destination, the route is less crucial.  Besides, we cannot possibly know all the outcomes of all the alternatives.  So we make decisions based on the information we have, which is always insufficient, inaccurate and “a subject to change without notice.”

Harness the Power of Making Decision

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 2, page  48

Remember the true power of making decisions.

It’s a tool you can use in any moment to change your entire life.  The minute you make a new decision, you set in motion a new cause, effect, direction, and destination for your life.  You literally begin to change your life the moment you make a new decision.  Remember that when you start feeling overwhelmed, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when things are happening “to” you, you can change it all if you just stop and decide to do so.  Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action.  If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.

Realize that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment – a true decision.

Carrying out your commitment is often much easier than the decision itself, so make your decisions intelligently, but make them quickly.  Don’t labor forever over the question of how or if you can do it.  Studies have shown that the most successful people make decisions rapidly because they are clear on their values and what they really want for their lives.  The same studies show that they are slow to change their decisions, if at all.  On the other hand, people who fail usually make decisions slowly and change their minds quickly, always bouncing back and forth.  Just decide!

Realize that decision-making is a kind of act in itself, so a good definition for a decision might be “information acted upon”.  You know you’ve truly made a decision when action flows from it.  It becomes a cause set in motion.  Often the effect of making a decision helps create the attainment of a larger goal.  A critical rule I’ve made for myself is never to leave the scene of a decision without first taking a specific action toward its realization.

Make decisions often

The more decisions you make, the better you’re going to become at making them.  Muscles get stronger with use, and so it is with your decision-making muscles.  Unleash your power right now by making some decisions you’ve been putting off.  You won’t believe the energy and excitement it will create in your life!

Learn from your decisions.

There’s no way around it.  At times, you’re going to screw up, no matter what you do.  And when the inevitable happens, instead of beating yourself into the ground, learn something.  Ask yourself, “What’s good about this?  What can I learn from this?”  This “failure” may be an unbelievable gift in disguise if you use it to make better decisions in the future.  Rather than focus on the short-term setback, choose instead to learn lessons that can save you time, money, or pain, and that will give you the ability to succeed in the future.

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.

Once you’ve decided who you want to be as a person, for example, don’t get stuck on the means to achieving it.  It’s the end you’re after.  Too often, in deciding what they want for their lives, people pick the best way they know at the time – they make a map – but then don’t stay open to alternate routes.  Don’t become rigid in your approach.  Cultivate the art of flexibility.

Enjoy making decisions.

You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.

If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.

[…]

Know that it’s your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.  Before we learn the technology for changing how you think and how you feel every day of your life, I want you remember that, in the final analysis, everything you’ve read in this book is worthless… every other book you’ve read or tape you’ve heard or seminar you’ve attended is worthless…unless you decide to use it.  Remember that a truly committed decision is the force that changes your life.  It’s a power available to you in any moment if you decide to use it.

Prove to yourself that you’ve decided now.  Make one or two decisions that you’ve been putting off: one easy decision and one that’s a bit more difficult.  Show yourself what you can do.  Right now, stop.  Make at least one clear-cut decision that you’ve been putting off – take the first action toward fulfilling it – and stick to it!  By doing this, you’ll be building that muscle that will give you the will to change your entire life.

You and I both know that there are going to be challenges in your future.  But […] if you’ve decided to get past the walls, you can climb over them, you can break through them, you can tunnel under them, or you can find a door.  No matter how long a wall has stood, none has the power to withstand the continued force of human beings who have decided to persist until it has fallen.  The human spirit truly is unconquerable.  But the will to win, the will to succeed, to shape’s one life, to take control, can only be harnessed when you decide what you want, and believe that no challenge, no problem, no obstacle can keep you from it.  When you decide that your life will ultimately be shaped not by conditions, but by your decisions, then in that moment, your life will change forever, and you will be empowered to take control…