In the spirit of the Family Day

From the web-site www.parenting-boys.com

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple that already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

It is a family day in Canada.  I am reading books on parenting because my six-year-old son alone gives me as much headaches as (I am assuming, of course) a whole soccer team would.  I am reading on parenting and I am still nowhere.

That is an excerpt from Jeffrey Bernstein “Liking the Child You Love”.

Joking about my inability to find a way to outsmart my son is what is left for now.

PARENT WANTED POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Job Description:

Long-term team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, twenty-four-hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required; travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing t be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs five dollars.

Must be willing to bit tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

After I put it all together – personality dimensions, work values, personal strengths, the results of the skills scan, and the knowledge-based skills, I got my PROFILE done.

So, the rest was easy.  JVS asked me about my DREAM JOB and I said that I want to have an orphanage for children that were rejected by everybody else.  Because I wanted to prove the fact that a lot depends on the upbringing and I would be a noble thing to do.  Besides the fact, of course, that I simply love being with children.

So, here are the suggestions from JVS and other members of the group to as what I have to do in order to get what I wanted.

My Dream Job:

1. To run an orphanage for the rejects.  Orphanage manager, owner, curriculum designer.
2. To open my Dance Studio (that came to my mind only two short years later! LOL)

Suggestions from Other Members of the Group:

1. Independent Daycare
2. Social Worker
3. Camp Counsellor
4. Fundraiser for Charities working for Children
5. Kindergarten ECE
6. Advocate and Speaker
7. Children’s Aid (Advocate)
8. Juvenile Correction Officer
9. Child Psychiatrist
10. Foster Parent Coordinator
11. Policy and Curriculum Designer (for Children)
12. Life Skills Coach
13. Children’s Health
14. Non-profit Program Manager