...Pisces...begin to comprehend vaguely the secret of Time as an eternal NOW...

The Pisces Love Mystery

Just as the soul is symbolically “born” into the innocent thoughtlessness of Aries, it symbolically “dies” – or leaves the painful Earth plane – to enter into the sympathetic humility and mystical awareness of Pisces.  In the Piscean Sun Sign stage, evolving man and woman begin to comprehend vaguely the secret of Time as an eternal NOW – able to (in varying degrees) see the Past, Present and Future as one.  This is the soul’s third and final excursion into the sensitive Water Element – its fourth and final vibration as a Mutable Communicator – and the last experience under the feminine negative Night Forces.

Ideally, by the time the soul has reached the Pisces stage, it has attained spiritual enlightenment on its long journey through the Mysteries of Love experienced in the preceding eleven Sun Signs.  If not, then it must return to certain Sun Sign vibratory experiences on the astrological circle to learn lessons not absorbed because they were too hastily skimmed over in previous incarnated stages.  But each such return brings a new vulnerability to that Sun Sign lesson – a new inner urgency to master its positive essence and discard its negative.  Of course, some high or advanced souls, after reaching the Piscean stage, elect of their own choosing to return to Earth to rescue those still in darkness.  However, we are discussing here the average Pisces obligation and pattern.

Man and woman, on the Pisces level, have passed at least once through all twelve stages of initiation, and many have been required to fall back and retrace their steps hundreds of times in this experience, because Pisces is the most difficult of all the twelve Sun Signs to comprehend and master.  Usually such an accomplishment is not gained the first time around the wheel of life, except by intense desire and will, which is not to say such achievement is impossible – but it is a path, up until now, chosen by very few.  This is why astrology teaches that Pisces is “an old soul” – also the reason that on every Pisces man or woman is the epitome of spiritual grace; why some swim in waters dangerously close to the fires of Dante’s Inferno.  The Fish lives in two worlds, simultaneously experiencing both Heaven and Hell.

With the secret wisdom of the Piscean ruling planet, Neptune, Pisceans know that sadness and ugliness are not a part of God’s plan.  They have glimpsed the beauty of truth, and the brilliance of such mystical vision brings an urge to retreat from the negative vibrations of the Earth plane.  So Pisces often avoids confrontation and tension through the escape route of drugs, alcohol, daydreams, artistic creation, philosophical theorizing, meditation or religious retreat.  Pisceans may become teachers, monks, mystics, artists, musicians, composers, abstract mathematicians and highly intuitive scientists – or they may choose to swim down into the murky waters of alcoholism and drug addiction, even insanity.  It is, indeed, a difficult and complicated vibration for the soul, for this Sun Sign experience is fraught with temptation for the Pisces man or woman.

Because they’ve been “through it all” on a subconscious level, the Fishes have a natural compassion for the troubles of those around them.  The Neptunian soul is intimately familiar with life’s vicissitudes, understanding the weakness of human nature, therefore tending to pity, rather than to condemn, man’s and woman’s failings.  This is why these “old souls” so frequently become the recipients of everyone’s secrets, trials, worries and apprehensions.  Yet the initial instinct is to turn away form sticky entanglements in all forms.  Only when the Fish finds the courage to face his or her own problems with as much spiritual wisdom as is offered to others can the Neptune mysteries be fathomed.

Through this “death initiation” (death of the human ego) the soul grows more forgiving, more gentle, better able to understand its true relationship to the co-Creators…as Pisces affirms “I BELIEVE.”  To realize the full glory and truth of love, the Fish can, if he or she chooses, call on the innocence of Aries, the patience of Taurus, the awareness of Gemini, the perception of Cancer, the nobility of Leo, the discrimination of Virgo, the judgment of Libra, the penetration of Scorpio, the honesty of Sagittarius, the wisdom of Capricorn – and the humanitarianism of Aquarius.  But sometimes these many fragments of secret knowledge and talents serve only to confuse Pisces, causing the Fish to then take the easier path of passive nonresistance.

The Pisces positive qualities are humility, compassion, sensitivity, spiritual awareness, psychic comprehension, philosophic insight and a healing potential.  Expressed in their negative form they become timidity, apprehension, masochism, idleness, lying and weakness of will.

To Pisces, love is unselfish submission of the ego to the desires of the one needed to become Whole.  The Fish gains more pleasure from giving than from receiving, more happiness in serving than in being served.  Yet enigmatic Neptune tests the Pisces soul with the lure of multiple sexual and romantic experience – floating from one affair to another.

In such promiscuous manner – or by becoming a romantic recluse – does the wary Fish escape the dangers of being “hooked” by deep permanent emotional commitment.  But the Pisces man or woman who resists this temptation to avoid love’s pain by seeking only love’s pleasure…..is richly rewarded by the mastery of love’s final mystery.  He or she can then glimpse for the first time on the soul’s weary journey the true passion of blending in a trinity of mind, heart and spirit, resulting in a rare physical ecstasy – the ultimate Piscean fulfillment of Love’s long-ago Aries springtime promise of a miracle.

Aries demands Love, for like the infant, without Love, Aries dies.

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/e432214da761129af784bfc982fc2528/

The Aries Love Mystery

The soul, symbolically newborn in Aries (although not necessarily in its first earthly sojourn), relates to dawn, sunrise, spring and Easter – or the resurrection from its “death” in the previous sign of Pisces.

In this first excursion into the Fire Element – this experience as the first of the three Cardinal signs – the symbolically “newborn” soul projects the positive, masculine vibration of the Day Forces through the explosive vitality of the Aries planetary ruler, Mars.  Like a human infant totally self-absorbed, the Aries soul discovers with delight his or her own toes and fingers – its own physical beingness.  To satisfy all needs, only a loud cry is necessary, heard and answered by elders.  The real infant doubts or fears nothing or no one, simply because it has never experienced denial.  Likewise, the Aries “Infant” soul has a natural trust and a touching faith in the unseen force of goodness which will miraculously grant all its wishes.

On the Earth plane this beneficent force is represented by the parents; in a mystical sense, by our co-Creators.  And so they look tenderly upon the “newborn” Aries soul, as parents look tenderly upon their infant, lovingly protecting it from its own naivete, wisely denying some of the demands made through the excited awareness that the soul is – he has been born, and is here.  The Aries soul senses “I AM” or “I exist”.  And like the symbolic Infant, Aries men and women are oblivious to the possibilities of accident, pain or cruelty on life’s path.  He or she learns of these negative experiences only from those advanced beyond, who have gathered harshness, suspicion and the self-survival instinct from the growing process.

There’s a religious adage that all infants, since they die in a state of purity, immediately become angels.  Of course!  They have not yet met the devil of Temptation.  But if the Aries “Infant” survives, he or she must, like the real infant, time and time again, undergo the sharp disappointment of misplaced trust.  As the victim of unkindness, a lack of sympathy or abandonment, the newborn babe feels shocked, frightened, alone – then yells even louder for attention.  In the same manner (and for the same reasons) does the soul of the hurt and disillusioned Aries man or woman need and “seek acceptance, yet court rejection” – with a violent emotional reaction to neglect.

The positive qualities of Aries are a heart-tugging innocence and wonder, blind faith and raw courage.  Expressed in their negative forms, they can become selfish egotism, thoughtlessness, aggressiveness and impulsive action with no regard for the consequences.

To the Aries, Love is a necessity of life, which is taken for granted; for in its infancy of awareness, Love is synonymous with existence itself.  Therefore, devotion is instinctively expected and joyously accepted, but with little comprehension of how to return it.  Aries demands Love, for like the infant, without Love, Aries dies.  When emotional abandonment (symbolically) can mean death, even, the hint of it can bring on unreasonable panic, and inexplicable terror, calmed only by repeated reassurances.  Aries continually needs to be reminded that “if winter comes”…… the miracle of spring cannot be far behind.

Source: http://media.photobucket.com/image/impossible%20is%20nothing/pedro925/impossible.jpg?o=11

A person knows nothing…

But a person does believe, think, imagine, make up, recall and guess a lot.

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

Emotional Competency

Well, well, well…  I did not have time to write anything.  Not that I really wanted.  But there is good news – after all this time, after all my efforts, I suddenly came to realize who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It is a revelation, you could laugh at it all you want, but I was blind.  Now I am upset, but hopeful.  I am back to square one.  The April Fool Joke is all on me.  Well I am Fool and a grandiose Fool at that, but at least now I realize it.  What a relief!!!

“Don’t ignore the past.  It is the place where we keep who we were and who we’ve grown from.”

“What is madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.”

“The way you see it is never the way it is.”

“Your truth is never the Truth.”

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

I am glad that I had the courage to look at the things they are now and regret that it took me so long.  But it is what it is and it is imperative to press forward.

Since there is no time to waste, I am not quite sure whether to continue updating my site or abandon it altogether.  Until I make a decision to quit, I will try and make short posts.

There is one site I found, which I intend to explore –

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/

you can do it too – that is my suggestion for the day.

There are a few lines that drew me in

Passion + Reason = Constructive Action. This is the essence of emotional competency.

And a few quotes

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~ St. Augustine

“First-person viewpoint is the fundamental asymmetry of humanity.” ~ Leland R. Beaumont

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.  ~Ambrose Redmoon

 

 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.  ~Winston Churchill

 

 

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.  ~Mark Twain

 

 

People are made of flesh and blood and a miracle fibre called courage.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

 

 

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.  ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Letters to Lucilius

 Source: http://dwhamby1.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/courage.jpg

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.  Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.  ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar, 1894

 

 

Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.  ~Ernest Hemingway, Men at War, 1942

 

 

The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy.  ~John F. Kennedy

 

 

There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.  ~John Wainwright

 

 

To him that waits all things reveal themselves, provided that he has the courage not to deny, in the darkness, what he has seen in the light.  ~Coventry Patmore

 Source: http://www.phillwebb.net/History/TwentiethCentury/continental/Marxism/Fromm/Fromm2.jpg

Both dreams and myths are important communications from ourselves to ourselves. If we do not understand the language in which they are written, we miss a great deal of what we know and tell ourselves in those hours when we are not busy manipulating the outside world.

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self.

Man always dies before he is fully born.

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.

Man’s biological weakness is the condition of human culture.

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

Most people die before they are fully born. Creativeness means to be born before one dies.

The most beautiful as well as the most ugly inclinations of man are not part of a fixed biologically given human nature, but result from the social process which creates man.

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.

There is only one meaning of life: the act of living itself.

3 years ago…

The first thing that I did on this journey was starting a diary.

This is not the first record, but I guess it explains everything.

24 Feb. 2007

It is extremely difficult to begin.  But I have to.

I’m afraid there is no other way.  Maybe I’ll do it slowly first…

I have a feeling that it might be “the rock bottom”, even if it is not, it’s painful enough right now.

I certainly feel the lack, or rather absence of courage, to look inside of me, to find out what is happening, why and what to do.

The whole endeavour is so scary that I’m ready to throw away the notepad as far as possible and preferably with a big bang.

Why am I living in this mess?

What would be my first step out?

[…]

Claim everything back…

[…]

It does not matter if it will or will not be understood…

I cannot come to grips (check expression) with my life and I have to.

Et si tu n’existais pas
Je crois que je l’aurais trouvé
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder

Above all, I like beauty, balance, and harmony.  It may come as existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating as the scent of fresh rain mixed with the air of spring or melancholic, enigmatic and refined.

I cannot remember how many times I have been asked what I am looking for.  The only answer I can come with is Pure Happiness.  As simple as that.  I have learned to enjoy small things in life, here and now, a cup of coffee, a walk, a good conversation, a smile from a stranger, a sound of rain, snow falling on my eyelashes.  I am not looking for perfection, which in my opinion does not exist anyways.

Existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/7052d8370eacfe4b12ffa31eb111d0b1/

I am looking for a kindred spirit, a man I can fall in love with, totally losing myself and yet having the luxury of remaining myself.  Eyes I can drown in I find totally irresistible.  Anything that has depth to it.  Dark clouds, oceans, mirror effects, reflections, fluidity, illusions, allusions, formlessness.

Foreign languages, literature, films, poetry, images, paradoxes, songs that reflect my mood, dancing, some insanity once in awhile, passion, fall colours, colours Blue and Orange for one reason, colours Dark Maroon and Deep Wine-Red for quite another, courage, absurdity, intensity, character, sense of humour, philosophy, quotes.

Things I don’t like, though.  Over explaining.

I hate  verbal diarrhea and mental constipation.  Especially combined.  Arrogance.  Righteousness.  Pretence.  Superficiality.  Indifference.

What to do?

Maybe most of you do not know what the word Soviet actually means.  The first meaning is Advice, the second is Counsel.  So coming from this great country of Advice, there is never lack of it.

Take one step at a time.  Thank you.  It is usually how it is done.  I need one leg to stand on.  Unless I jump.  I hope not from my balcony. Well, I am joking now.  But with bipolar you never know.

Anyway coming back to the steps and sequence.  I already revealed my big secret – I love dancing.  I want to open my own business – a dance studio.  “What are your qualificatons?”  — I told you.  I have Masters in Engineering from Moscow and a Bachelor Degree in IT from DeVry.  No, I cannot teach dance myself.  But it is my passion.  I know it will happen some day.  Dance is what brings me joy.

This post is an exercise in free style writing.  There is a free style dancing as well – not choreographed by others, but a dance which allows to express yourself.  Children do it all the time.  They are my inspiration. I love children just as much as I love dancing.

Ok, but for managing my “life dance” I do need choreography.  Some of it. 

choreography

 dance composition

This is a letter to my career counsellor – she was much better than the other “facilitator”.  Of course, she was not prepared to deal with anybody of my Dimensions.  But she gave me some time, she tried to undestarnd me, at least I am still under the impression that she made an effort.  Whatever happened, happened and there is nothing I can do about it.  It was a learning experience for me.  Absolutely and totally invaluable.  I don’t write like that anymore, but it was necessary to do it at that stage.

From: me

Sent: June 4, 2007 12:25 AM

To: Employment Counsellor # 1

Subject: My Story

Dear Counsellor # 1:

I am sorry I could not keep our appointment on May 22, but I was kept in a hospital.  Since I was nicely asked to remove myself from JVS program so as to make everyone else comfortable and capable of pursuing his or her dreams, I was admitted to hospital.  Twice.  Both times admission was my responsibility.  Totally.  I made people very uncomfortable there too, not for the pleasure of it, but for getting results.  Remember… there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad, there are differences of (opinion, preferences, ways to get what you want, even though in the end we all want the same thing).

You met me and you know me enough to guess that I can frustrate people.  How?  By simply asking professionals to do their jobs or by asking them help me.  Their way or my way, it does not matter.  My challenge is to get results.  I get them all the time: they are sometimes simply hilarious or ridiculous, but often painful for others and especially me.  The doctors & nurses (trained medic professionals) tried to cure me from my condition.  They failed.  My case is not in the manuals and instructions yet.  I hope it will never make it to the mysterious rules of the mysterious System.

Please stop trying to cure me from being Blue, Green, Gold and Orange.  Especially from becoming or discovering Orange.  I feel that I have so much Orange in me, it hurts.  This Orange is very vibrant and very pushy colour – it exudes from every pore.

Remember, Counsellor # 1, I told you I must be brown because most nuts are?  When I actually mixed Blue and Orange paints, I’ve got… well, a new colour and its name starts with B….

Well, anyway, this is my story.  Would you like to hear it?  Well, it’s up to you.  Remember the rules, simple questions, no chewed food, power of vocabulary and so forth. 

Shall we repeat it?  Would you like to hear my story (simple question (Yes or No)).

If yes, let me know.

If no, I would like to take this opportunity to say

Thank you, Counsellor # 1, very much for being who you are and thank you for your courage and honesty. Honesty is what I admire in people.

Thank you, Counsellor # 1

Honestly

====================================================================

Of course, she did not want to hear the story.  That is the problem with our society.  We always think that we know what the outcome will be.  Why do anything, if we already “know” what will happen?

The point is “we don’t know until we try”.  I did try.  JVS kicked me out.  I was treated by psychiatrists.  I was “helped”  by police.  I was helped by many people who “knew” what I needed.  And that is how I learned my lesson.  Now I know who I am and what I want, what I can do and what I will do.  Testing is not about sanity.  Testing is about figuring out the life, the universe and everything.  Children do it all the time, that is how they learn.  We tend to believe what we are told instead of trying for ourselves.  I did my testing.

Can you do the same?  No, really?  Discovery is painful, but it is worth it.