Musings on Music, Love, Life and not only

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“Love is a drama of contradictions.”
— Franz Kafka

“Life’s splendor forever lies in wait about each one of us in all its fullness, but veiled from view, deep down, invisible, far off. It is there, though, not hostile, not reluctant, not deaf. If you summon it by the right word, by its right name, it will come.”
— Franz Kafka (Diaries of Franz Kafka 1914-1923)

“And I leave my post of observation and find I have had enough of this outside life; I feel that there is nothing more that I can learn here, either now or at any time. And I long to say a last goodbye to everything up here, to go down into my burrow never to return again, let things take their course, and not try to retard them with my profitless vigils.”
— Franz Kafka (The Basic Kafka)

“Beyond a certain point there is no return. This point has to be reached.”
— Franz Kafka

“All I am is literature, and I am not able or willing to be anything else.”
— Franz Kafka

From correspondence with my friend.

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I:

[…]  I don’t like Salsa music.

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He:

There is no salsa music; under 80% of world songs you can dance salsa. Term “salsa music” is created by people, who don’t understand concept of dancing.

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I:

Since it is clearly not a compliment, should I consider it as an invitation for a fight?  LOL

[…there was a link of a song, not a Salsa one…]
This one is not Salsa.  And I like it whatever your opinion might be.  Taste is always a personal matter.  I think.

You are stuck in an adolescent stage; I will send you the explanation once I have it.  Stop teaching the world, relax and enjoy today and NOW.

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He:

“You are stuck in an adolescent stage” – thank you for this – because this is the highest compliment possible.

The problem is that most of the people (99.99% period) never pass this stage (not only “stuck”) – they are born old – and that is the main problem of mankind - people are old – cannot learn, enjoy, evolve – and if they cannot do that, guess, who they are – right – they are our old friends – idiots.

By the way, who told you that I don’t enjoy life – this is exactly what I am doing all the time (probably, even too much) – because I am in “adolescent stage” of my life.

I see, you have last time some taste to have little fight with me – it is OK – the most important that it entertains you (I hope).

Regards & kisses (if allowed).

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I:

It makes me laugh.  I passed the stage of criticizing everyone & everything long time ago.  I was joking about fighting.  Frankly, I feel wiser than you and according to the theory of soul evolution; I am three stages further than you.  Don’t worry, there are people ahead of me – I still have a long way to go and suffer evolving.  That is why I said I will send you the info, once I have it, you wouldn’t believe me, of course, but it is not my goal to persuade.  But it requires reading. LOL

But I don’t feel superior.  To anyone.  I like people and they like me – it is genuine.  Passion & compassion go along way, so do love & kindness.

"Now the Sirens have a still more fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence... someone might possibly have escaped from their singing; but from their silence, certainly never." — Franz Kafka

The reason I say you don’t enjoy life is that is how I see you.  Maybe it is not the image you want others to have… but it is for you to discover your own reflection.

Kissing in virtual space is fine, but in real life, I guess, these things are taken care of.  You know what is my love mystery?  It is passion.  I cannot go long without it.  It is passion for everything, for love, for life, for music, for dancing. I have no time for teaching world how wrong it is.  Besides, I don’t think the world is wrong or people are idiots for that matter.  Even my seven-year-old son is capable of saying things that amaze me.

We went to see an adult movie, never mind why, and it was a romantic comedy.  He asked me what a romantic comedy was and I said it was a funny movie about love.  You know what he said?  “Mom, there is nothing funny about love”.  There.  Then he cried during the movie when Julia Roberts wanted to leave the guy she was in love with.  It was priceless.  Love is always good answer and if there is no other meaning of life, love is a good one.

By the way, if you are a true Leo, that should be your thing – LOVE (besides being a teenager, LOL).  Am I wrong?  Don’t take it as insult, my son is Leo and he lives up to the promise of being full of LOVE.

All right, I am going for a walk – to enjoy the weather and the beauty of my favourite month & season.

Forgetting is painful.

But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.

// Esperar duele.

Olvidar duele.

Pero el peor de los sufrimientos es no saber qué decisión tomar. (Paulo Coelho)

Hope fuels indecision and prolongs pain

That was so me.  Now, I guess I have an intention to have a plan.  Only an intention.  I need a manual on “How to move on?” or “How to figure out who is worthy of my love?” in 1001 days…………………  No, really?

Source: http://media.photobucket.com/image/impossible%20is%20nothing/pedro925/impossible.jpg?o=11

A person knows nothing…

But a person does believe, think, imagine, make up, recall and guess a lot.

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

Emotional Competency

Well, well, well…  I did not have time to write anything.  Not that I really wanted.  But there is good news – after all this time, after all my efforts, I suddenly came to realize who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It is a revelation, you could laugh at it all you want, but I was blind.  Now I am upset, but hopeful.  I am back to square one.  The April Fool Joke is all on me.  Well I am Fool and a grandiose Fool at that, but at least now I realize it.  What a relief!!!

“Don’t ignore the past.  It is the place where we keep who we were and who we’ve grown from.”

“What is madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.”

“The way you see it is never the way it is.”

“Your truth is never the Truth.”

Source: http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/3/11/418514.html

I am glad that I had the courage to look at the things they are now and regret that it took me so long.  But it is what it is and it is imperative to press forward.

Since there is no time to waste, I am not quite sure whether to continue updating my site or abandon it altogether.  Until I make a decision to quit, I will try and make short posts.

There is one site I found, which I intend to explore –

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/

you can do it too – that is my suggestion for the day.

There are a few lines that drew me in

Passion + Reason = Constructive Action. This is the essence of emotional competency.

And a few quotes

“Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~ St. Augustine

“First-person viewpoint is the fundamental asymmetry of humanity.” ~ Leland R. Beaumont

Source: http://www.bloomington.k12.mn.us/indschool/WB/calendar1.jpg

Calendar Wisdom.

For all these (3!) months I have not done well at all.  All of these months I have not succeeded, even in March when I decided to stick to “Success” and “supposedly” made resolutions.  No, to be more specific, I made resolutions; the only problem was I did not carry them through.  But remembering the Art of Reframing, it was not a disaster, but a learning experience.  So, I need a plan, I need motivation, I need to check my progress daily.  I will see what will happen from now on.  But I have to admit that two ideas are firmly planted in my head – Love (February’s theme) and Success (March’s theme), they are unrelated (or so it seems so far!).  I have read a book by Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within” and I will be quoting him regularly.  I guess I can give myself credit for at least trying to find a way – Anthony Robbins is considered to be a psychologist of change and success, even though his expertise is not indisputable.  Regardless of his credentials, I believe that if I do the exercises that he suggests and take his advice with a pinch of salt, I will do better than without any plan or direction in mind.  I have to stay on track!  I can change almost everything, but it takes time.  So, opening a new chapter…

April Fools.

Perhaps it’s light-hearted nature of Spring that brought about April’s Fool Day, the way it looks like summer one day only to be freezing the next.  Take a moment to inject humour into your day.  See if any of the word tiles below strike your funny bone.  If not, try randomly grabbing words and putting them next to each other.  Take it further: put together those words that seem least likely to be side by side.  Create an absurdist collection of funny language.

Quote of the month:

“Humour is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute is crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

 - Mark Twain

I tend to think that I have a great sense of humour, but some people just don’t get my jokes and in the worst-case scenario it all turns very ugly.  They may get angry, offended or aggressive.  I think they take themselves way too serious.  Do I have to adjust all the time?  I guess it is a choice…  I always laugh at myself, so it must be a good Sign!

Source: http://www.passonapoem.com/images/poetry_reading.jpg

Robert Bridges (1844 – 1930)

Triolet

When first we met we did not guess

That Love would prove so hard a master;

Of more than common friendliness

When first we met we did not guess.

Who could foretell this sore distress,

This irretrievable disaster

When first we met – We did not guess

That Love would prove so hard a master.

3 years ago…

The first thing that I did on this journey was starting a diary.

This is not the first record, but I guess it explains everything.

24 Feb. 2007

It is extremely difficult to begin.  But I have to.

I’m afraid there is no other way.  Maybe I’ll do it slowly first…

I have a feeling that it might be “the rock bottom”, even if it is not, it’s painful enough right now.

I certainly feel the lack, or rather absence of courage, to look inside of me, to find out what is happening, why and what to do.

The whole endeavour is so scary that I’m ready to throw away the notepad as far as possible and preferably with a big bang.

Why am I living in this mess?

What would be my first step out?

[…]

Claim everything back…

[…]

It does not matter if it will or will not be understood…

I cannot come to grips (check expression) with my life and I have to.

At 8:00 PM, on Monday, August 14, 2000, I finally sat to complete my incident report. My original understanding of the assignment was that I had to disengage myself from the events in the class and describe the incident in the parking lot as if I were an eye witness to it. My handwritten report clearly reflects my original intention. However, when I started typing this report, I realized that that scenario was impossible. If I had to engage my imagination then I would have stepped on a slippery road of constructive processing of the event which is inadmissible in writing incident reports. Firstly, it is very unlikely, that if I was somewhere I did not know where I was. Secondly, I am not deaf yet, and if I were a witness of an incident, I would have heard something. Thirdly, although I do not consider myself too observant, I have a tendency of noticing many details in real life or remembering phrases exactly as they were said. However, my ability to pay attention and recollect continuity of flickering TV shots and their contents is far less sharp than my ability to recollect events of real life. I attribute it to the compressed nature of videotapes. If I had to run to the parking lot, it would have taken me longer than a split of a second. Lastly, the total absence of emotion makes this simulation is less real. Apart from my ongoing frustration, I cannot say that I was not in emotional state. Therefore, I think that the incident was a lesson in Professional Writing and the outcome will be a submitted report.

I am going to submit this report to Julian Craft at 9:00 AM on Tuesday,  August 15, 2000.  After that, I will have no further control of the outcome of this incident.

However, I have motivation to write and that is why I am doing it right now. Everyday. Until…  until I lose my interest.  Then I move on to do something else.