Little white lies: lies about trivial matters, like false excuses to spare a person’s feelings; flattery; “how are you feeling”; “how’s it going”; etc. – these lies must be truly harmless and inconsequential, never intended to be given a second thought.

Placebos: deceptions to make a person feel better (like sugar pills); euphemisms; some self-help gimmickry; false reassurance.

Pufferies: inflation and exaggeration to make something sound better than it is; false praise; false encouragement; false support.

Misdirections: false recommendations; intentional incorrect or incomplete answers.

Bluffs: fake resumes; false credentials.

Protections String-Alongs: lies to protect a colleague; lies t protect a client lies t liars (to teach them a lesson; to give them a taste of their own medicine).

Snow Jobs: lies to enemies.

Terminological Inexactitudes: lies to the boss (this term was first use Winston Churchill!); also knows as “soft-soaps”.

Defensive Lies: lies in a crisis when innocent lives, health, or safety are at risk.  (may be morally justifiable if the lie can pass the “publicity test”.)

The source: that was in my ENGL 225 handout “Ethics and Professional Communications or You Want Me to Write What?”

“Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.” 

Moliere quotes (French Actor, Playwright and Writer the greatest of all writers of French comedy, 1622-1673)

The reason I looked up “prostitution” quotes today was that I was going to write about the film “Babysitters”.  The film was somewhat strange and unsettling for me.  I am certainly in the transition stage from whoever I was before and whoever I will become in the future.  I ask myself numerous questions and “the answers” from the past are no longer valid.  The struggle is to find the new answers.  I am literally changing day by day.  I do accept a lot, I forgive, maybe forget and this journey is amazing.  This is why I selected a song today “Endless Road” from the film “Niccolo Paganini”.  I know if you do not speak Russian, you do not understand the words.  Maybe I should translate?

And this Moliere quote was a revelation.  It did hit the nerve.  “Writing is like prostitution.”  Certainly this word has a lot of depth to it.  Violating one’s integrity for money would be one.  I do not even want to ask the question how many of us have to do it?

That brings me back to my writing about honesty which is one of my major weaknesses.

I am in the same loop again.  Honesty, integrity, prostitution?

This is a letter to my career counsellor – she was much better than the other “facilitator”.  Of course, she was not prepared to deal with anybody of my Dimensions.  But she gave me some time, she tried to undestarnd me, at least I am still under the impression that she made an effort.  Whatever happened, happened and there is nothing I can do about it.  It was a learning experience for me.  Absolutely and totally invaluable.  I don’t write like that anymore, but it was necessary to do it at that stage.

From: me

Sent: June 4, 2007 12:25 AM

To: Employment Counsellor # 1

Subject: My Story

Dear Counsellor # 1:

I am sorry I could not keep our appointment on May 22, but I was kept in a hospital.  Since I was nicely asked to remove myself from JVS program so as to make everyone else comfortable and capable of pursuing his or her dreams, I was admitted to hospital.  Twice.  Both times admission was my responsibility.  Totally.  I made people very uncomfortable there too, not for the pleasure of it, but for getting results.  Remember… there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad, there are differences of (opinion, preferences, ways to get what you want, even though in the end we all want the same thing).

You met me and you know me enough to guess that I can frustrate people.  How?  By simply asking professionals to do their jobs or by asking them help me.  Their way or my way, it does not matter.  My challenge is to get results.  I get them all the time: they are sometimes simply hilarious or ridiculous, but often painful for others and especially me.  The doctors & nurses (trained medic professionals) tried to cure me from my condition.  They failed.  My case is not in the manuals and instructions yet.  I hope it will never make it to the mysterious rules of the mysterious System.

Please stop trying to cure me from being Blue, Green, Gold and Orange.  Especially from becoming or discovering Orange.  I feel that I have so much Orange in me, it hurts.  This Orange is very vibrant and very pushy colour – it exudes from every pore.

Remember, Counsellor # 1, I told you I must be brown because most nuts are?  When I actually mixed Blue and Orange paints, I’ve got… well, a new colour and its name starts with B….

Well, anyway, this is my story.  Would you like to hear it?  Well, it’s up to you.  Remember the rules, simple questions, no chewed food, power of vocabulary and so forth. 

Shall we repeat it?  Would you like to hear my story (simple question (Yes or No)).

If yes, let me know.

If no, I would like to take this opportunity to say

Thank you, Counsellor # 1, very much for being who you are and thank you for your courage and honesty. Honesty is what I admire in people.

Thank you, Counsellor # 1

Honestly

====================================================================

Of course, she did not want to hear the story.  That is the problem with our society.  We always think that we know what the outcome will be.  Why do anything, if we already “know” what will happen?

The point is “we don’t know until we try”.  I did try.  JVS kicked me out.  I was treated by psychiatrists.  I was “helped”  by police.  I was helped by many people who “knew” what I needed.  And that is how I learned my lesson.  Now I know who I am and what I want, what I can do and what I will do.  Testing is not about sanity.  Testing is about figuring out the life, the universe and everything.  Children do it all the time, that is how they learn.  We tend to believe what we are told instead of trying for ourselves.  I did my testing.

Can you do the same?  No, really?  Discovery is painful, but it is worth it.

Thank you for being there for me.  I appreciate both what you said and what you did yesterday.  Despite the fact that I might make you as uncomfortable as everybody else you are the only one in our group who did not run away from me like from a poisonous snake.  You helped me.  How?  You smiled and you laughed and you went to see art, even though at the moment you may needed your cup of tea more.

But the most helpful part of your help was that you made an effort.  You listened, you understood, you did not criticize my “torturing” strangers.  This guy Christian who did not have to, and did not want to, but with some coaching “went with the program”.  He did tell a joke, didn’t he?  I said I had a really bad day and all I asked for was to help.  The trick is how.  Help me my way, the way that I need, because I already know that if you succeed it will work.  It will work for me. I do not give you any instructions. You figure it out to make your way through the maze.  Not only Christian succeeded but also he did an A+ job.  He made me laugh.  But not only.  He could not have possibly known that his joke would turn out to be very relevant to my situation.  The way I see the point of his story is this.  The family guy could not handle being with others because he thought they were the reason that he felt frustrated (stressed, irritated, unhappy, you name it).  But when isolated and left alone he could handle it even less.  The imagery was gross but it made me listen.  It engaged me on a personal level.  I do not like that type of jokes.   So inside I have this sensation …oh, yuck, I do not like the way it is going…this is really disgusting…  But it was me who initiated “the process”, so I stayed and listened.  I did not ask Christian to make me like the joke.  Well, you were there.  What did I learn from that experience?  Nothing that I did not already know, but something I just could not get without it

I am the problem, when I figure out how to help myself; only then I can help others.  Or not help.

And you told me it was better to do it sooner than later.  Yes, you nailed it, girl. Right on the money.  I consider myself to be shrewd and perceptive, yet it took me only fifteen years to finally see the obvious.  Stop trying to find an understanding where it could not be found.  No matter how much I want to and no matter how hard I try I cannot make a blind person see and a deaf person hear.  It always had the choice to help or not to, a choice to sacrifice my needs for the needs of others.  So from now on, when I feel the urge to help others, I will pause and ask the question “Is it something that I really want to do?” So my action plan is stop helping people.  They can manage.  The trained professionals told me to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.  I did. I made a change today. I can not find words to describe the hurt…  But I managed with the help of people like you.  You do not need a diploma in psychology; you already know how to help people.  Can you do it?  You already did.  You succeeded where a “professional” failed. Next time you need a story in order to prove that you can help people, use this one.

I was totally wrong about the class.  Even though Girl # 7 said that she worked as a social worker and she could help people, I did not believe her claim.  Why?  I do know, but she proved me wrong today and I am glad that she did.   I already sensed that the only relationship Girl # 3 has with Gold is that she has a heart of one. And look at her face when she smiles, it radiates light; it is so beautiful, that I cannot take my eyes of.  And yet she struggles and struggles and struggles, and my god she deserves better.  I was wrong about the girls, at least some of them.  But I sensed the other thing right.  Going to school to learn how to help people cannot teach you if you do not have a heart.

Did you like the story about Tolerance?  Do you think that it describes you accurately as a Cancer?  I did not think that I fit the profile.  Not until today.

-          

I am the Scorpio who came first and did not take tolerance because it cannot be used for torture.  That is right.  I do not need tolerance.  Honestly is enough.  Brutal honesty, that is.

After he asked me to not contact him ever again, he wrote to me: 

Wow..  You really are quite angry.  Perhaps you should look t someone who can help you overcome your frustrations.

 Such a shame that you have to spend your energy being negative, writing blogs and material about the bad.

 Try being positive and writing about good things, so you don’t go around bashing men.  You are sad…

 Best of luck…

 I did not respond to his advice.  But to you, my audience, whoever you are, I want to say:  I am not angry at all.  The first time I heard this phrase “be positive” was on the plane – London – Toronto, on March 4, 1997, the day of my landing in Canada.  And there is plenty I want to say about being positive, negative and neutral.  Just keep reading.  If you want to, that is.

From: Capricorn 1144>
Subject: RE: An Answer
To: Halloween Girl 42
Received: Saturday, June 27, 2009, 2:00 PM

Well now, angry are we?

I won’t run on like you to defend my positions that you have attacked.  Your response just shows the type of person I thought you might be, which is what I picked up on from you.

For you to actually strike back with such emotion tells me you are not happy and very much in need to find a better place.  The fact that you repeatedly stated that you could not care less, well that is just your defensive side.

Above all, you could have just not responded at all (like my advice to you about unfavourable Lava men), OR simply taken a more graceful route by simply saying a few words and perhaps good luck.  

You did not so this, which is a symtom for you to reflect on and look inside yourself to know this is not a positive atribute to show.

Fact is, nothing you said rings true in my world as I am in a transiant place, have some friends to hang with, and have no shortage of mid 30’s smart, attractive women to date who are looking for quality over quantity.  2nd, 3rd dates are more common than you think for me…..and I am going on one tonight.  

If you value your integrity, no further response is neccessary or needed.  Your words mean nothing to me, so save them.  Good luck with your career path and future.

Capricorn

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2009 00:26:35 -0700
From: Halloween Girl 42
Subject: RE: An Answer
To: Capricorn 1144=

Last Reply from Capricorn1144

Say what you will, but your previous response already shows your anger.

Too late to change that now.

Material for your book?  

I will keep your email reply for the record in case you do mention my name in vain.  Regardless, you need to move on and not bother wasting your time with me as we are not a good social match. 

It is funny that you now come to the surface about “unknowingly” suggesting that you have good material for a book.  Nothing happened and your responsibility for whatever you think happened has not been addressed, so taking something that is not real and didn’t happen is fiction.  

Any further attempts to contact me will just show how you don’t respect another’s point of view.

PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANY FURTHER

From: Capricorn 1144>
Subject: An Answer
To: Halloween Girl 42
Received: Saturday, June 27, 2009, 8:59 AM

Halloween Girl,

I have not promised you anything other than being honest.  I said I would try to call you and as I said from the start, I was whom I said I was when we met and we shared some fun kissable moments.

I have had other things on my mind and didn’t want to contact you until I was ready to follow through with meeting again.

Perhaps I am not as available as you would like, so maybe you should move on to another guy.  I was looking for some “no strings attached” kind of sensual fun, but the expectation of you now wondering where I am, is simply not what I want.

Best of luck with everything!

-Capricorn-

Date: Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:30:50 -0700
From: Halloween Girl 42
Subject: Re: An Answer
To: Capricorn 1144

So, I met this guy from LavaLife in person. He was all about respect.  That is his favourite (f-word).  I am normally about honesty and my f-word is friendship.

Let me give him a nickname – Capricorn 1144.  He also kept repeating his mantra “Don’t tell me, show me” which made sense in a way, but still was odd.  I had a mixed feeling about him and as usual instead of trusting my intuition; I was going to rely on my mind and reason.  Well, never, ever again.  Intuition first, mind and reason last.  He had good qualities among which the one I especially look for in people – the sense of humour.  However, what he was looking for – was not me.  I would describe it like that:

“Wanted: meaningful overnight relationship.”  He put it “no strings attached, respectful fun.” 

My problem: I want too much from guys, I am too intense.  His problem: bad timing.  Ok, enough said.

 One of the topics we discussed, why guys behave like assholes and he said, “Men are scum”.  He said that I should be very careful.  I said that all I was asking for was honesty.  Don’t let me wait and guess what the hell you wanted.  Call me and say it to my face.  Whatever it is.  So, when we parted on that day and it was only one date, he said, “I will (emphasis on “will”) call you.”

 He did not.

 And now is the story of what came next. (to be continued)

Robert Greene “The 48 laws of power” (page 20, Law 3)