Trying to stick to the theme – LOVE.  I fell in love but again not with a person, but with an illusion.  I will see how February turns out.  I made a resolution – to disappear from his horizon starting February 1^st.  Keeping resolutions is, of course, much harder than making them.  So, we talked on February 3^rd.  Does not matter.  From now on, I have to disappear…

Why would I want to forget?

I cannot write. About anything.  Yes, that bad.

Forget about love.  Not happening.

Not making love, not falling in love.

Only forgetting.

I will forget, forget, forget…………………………………………………………………

“You will not touch my heart”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0aO5ZVK_C4

You will not touch my heart;

you will not take it and break it.

Just go and never return.

Without you, I will still be alive.

My pain… I cannot describe it. I am having a conversation with my Pain.

Yet, it will go away, too.

My wings, I will give them to passers-by…

There is only one thing left, to replace love with something else…

Point of No Return. Countdown: Ready, set, go!!!

Conversation:

He:       I will return.

Me:      You will forget about my existence in a month or two.

            And, no, you will not return.

He:       No, I will not forget. Maybe you will forget me in a month.

So, the clock is set. Ciao, darling, ciao. Let’s see who is more forgetful.  Not that I don’t know.  I wish I could forget so easily.  It is a skill, maybe I should master it?

Another skill to master – insight – trusting intuition.

Why did I fall in love with non-entity?

When it is hopeless, should I still hope?

Maybe I should.  There must be the one who would be able to return my feelings.  That clock has been set when I was born.  Still nobody is in sight… insight.

Tango – When it is hopeless

«Знать и чувствовать, что злое «никогда» – не просто слово, а моя судьба, что учит без надежды жить любя…»

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyooF_UTJAk&feature=related

To know and feel that spiteful “never” is not just a word, but my fate that teaches me to continue living with love and without hope…

Victor Pelevin “The Sacred Book of Werewolf”

You ask me what it’s like here.  To be brief, even the most hardened of optimists are now finding that any hope that the brown sea advancing on us from all sides consists of chocolate is melting away.  And, as the advert puts in so wittily, it is melting not in their hands, but in their mouths.

As far as the author has been able to observe in the course of his life, most people, even the most educated, have neither any awareness nor any understanding of the fact that they exist in history.  The majority think that everything will always be the way it is today.  And if a historical event happens to have taken place before their very eyes, they see the reason for its occurrence in a temporal coincidence of misunderstandings.  And it seems to them that everything can be put back the way it was.  Some of them hope for this and others fear it.  Aglaya hoped and Shubkin feared, but neither of them understood that history does not make any reverse moves.  For better or for worse, a process was under way, and the further it proceeded, the more illusory Aglaya’ hopes appeared and the more pointless Shubkin’s fears became.  Of course, things did not actually go so far that Aglaya was punished for ruining the peasantry and Shubkin was glorified for the injuries he had suffered, but by and large there was a definite movement in a certain direction, …