Source:  http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life.  I do procrastinate.  I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it.  Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor?  What determines the difference in human actions?  Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions.  One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.  We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour.  This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains.  What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life?  PAIN and PLEASURE!  Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives.  But they can’t get themselves to follow through.  They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it.  There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about.  Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine.  Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it.  Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination?  It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it.  Why not?  The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off.  Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done?  What happened?  You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to.  Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.”  (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself!  Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.”  (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.  Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it.  Why?  Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.  It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do.  Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system.  For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain.  We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface.  Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent.  Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.”  (Michel De Montaigne)

 

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.”  (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

-         Why haven’t I taken action?

-         In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.  What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat?  If you don’t stop smoking?  If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make?  If you don’t start consistently working out each day?  Be honest with yourself.  What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years?  What’s it going to cost you emotionally?  What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image?  What will it cost you in your physical energy level?  What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem?  What will it cost you financially?  What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most?  How does that make you feel?  Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.”  That’s not enough.  You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions.  So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

-         I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

-         I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

-         I’ll gain physical vitality and health.  I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

-         I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

-         My life will better in all these ways now.

-         Over the next two, three, four, five years.

-         By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

Source: http://www.bloomington.k12.mn.us/indschool/WB/calendar1.jpg

Calendar Wisdom.

For all these (3!) months I have not done well at all.  All of these months I have not succeeded, even in March when I decided to stick to “Success” and “supposedly” made resolutions.  No, to be more specific, I made resolutions; the only problem was I did not carry them through.  But remembering the Art of Reframing, it was not a disaster, but a learning experience.  So, I need a plan, I need motivation, I need to check my progress daily.  I will see what will happen from now on.  But I have to admit that two ideas are firmly planted in my head – Love (February’s theme) and Success (March’s theme), they are unrelated (or so it seems so far!).  I have read a book by Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within” and I will be quoting him regularly.  I guess I can give myself credit for at least trying to find a way – Anthony Robbins is considered to be a psychologist of change and success, even though his expertise is not indisputable.  Regardless of his credentials, I believe that if I do the exercises that he suggests and take his advice with a pinch of salt, I will do better than without any plan or direction in mind.  I have to stay on track!  I can change almost everything, but it takes time.  So, opening a new chapter…

April Fools.

Perhaps it’s light-hearted nature of Spring that brought about April’s Fool Day, the way it looks like summer one day only to be freezing the next.  Take a moment to inject humour into your day.  See if any of the word tiles below strike your funny bone.  If not, try randomly grabbing words and putting them next to each other.  Take it further: put together those words that seem least likely to be side by side.  Create an absurdist collection of funny language.

Quote of the month:

“Humour is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute is crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

 - Mark Twain

I tend to think that I have a great sense of humour, but some people just don’t get my jokes and in the worst-case scenario it all turns very ugly.  They may get angry, offended or aggressive.  I think they take themselves way too serious.  Do I have to adjust all the time?  I guess it is a choice…  I always laugh at myself, so it must be a good Sign!

Source: http://harrietdevine.typepad.com/harriet_devines_blog/art/page/2/

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to
take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
    
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
    
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
    
“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her
    
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading”
    
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any  moment.  I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
    
“For reading a book,” she replies,
    
“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her again,
    
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading”
   
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any  moment.  I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
    
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with Sexual assault,”  says the  woman.
    
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
    
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
    
“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.
    
    
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

Source: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mUB9YDdqDTQ/R5-bFUabA-I/AAAAAAAAADg/45l7Bc876oY/S660/background3-ballroom-dancing-paris-ithaca-nightlife-image-7002.jpg

This song was a favourite of mine for a long long time.  Maybe because I heard it in my childhood.  My son (of course!) said that it was very dumb.  The only thing that he appreciated was the clip – the puppets & their performance.  But he never likes anything that I choose, he just has to be DA BOSS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja_G2MSY9E8

The major point in this song is, of course, humour, but you might enjoy the clip, too.

Am
Это школа Соломона Кляра,
Am             A      Dm
Школа бальных танцев, вам говорят.
Dm6
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
E       E7   E      Am
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Кавалеры приглашают дамов!
Там, где брошка, там перед.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Дамы, не сморкайтесь в занавески!
Это неприлично, вам говорят.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
И несимпатично, вам говорят.

Кавалеры, не держите дамов
Ниже талии, вам говорят.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
И несимпатично, вам говорят.

Дамы, приглашайте кавалеров!
Там, где галстук, там перед.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Дамы, дамы, помогите Боре!
Помогите Боре, вам говорят.
Он наделал лужу прямо в коридоре -
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Дамы, дамы, не вертите задом!
Это не пропеллер, а вы не самолет.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Адик Рабинович, я имею выйти,
Я имею выйти, вам говорят.
Адик Рабинович, вы мне замените,
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Это школа Соломона Кляра,
Школа бальных танцев, вам говорят.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и две назад.

source: http://www.ngavan.ru/gan/a01/b90/c0000/d0583/ind.shtml

Discourse

When I talk about definitions, I think it is important.  For me, at least.

A discourse – a conversation, talk. (apart from other meanings).

Origin: Latin dis – in different directions + currere – run.

An example?  Oh, my goodness!  I often listen to the songs on the www.youtube.com.  And how many times I had encountered absolutely insane conversations!  Most of the time I just don’t even pay attention to what is there.  But once I was asked whether I am aware of the discussions under the clips.  Then I sort of started paying attention.

I picked a clip teaching beginners’ steps for Salsa.  And a discourse jewel on top.  Here it is – a priceless example of meanness and creativity.  And one of the participants had a good point, when he mentioned the importance of definitions.

************************************************************************

Participant 1:

Following your line of thinking, Spanish is actually a retarded deformation of Latin and Arabic.

Notwithstanding the fact that you are unaware of the definition of the words:

1) retarded

2) language

3) dialect

the fact remains that you are neither intelligent, nor insightful, nor useful as a human being. I hereby order you, in the name of the survival of the species, to cease existing immediately.

************************************************************************

I was just wondering what drives those conversations.  Some people would say anger.  But I am beginning to think that it is pure loneliness.  Maybe both.

Quotes on Discourse:

1. “All discourses but my own afflict me; they seem harsh, impertinent, and irksome”

(Ben Jonson)

 

2. “Of our thinking it is but the upper surface that we shape into articulate thought; underneath the region of argument and conscious discourse lies the region of meditation.”

(Thomas Carlyle)

 

3. “It’s our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It’s a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse.”

(Deborah Tannen)

4. “The only privilege literature deserves – and this privilege it requires in order to exist – is the privilege of being in the arena of discourse, the place where the struggle of our languages can be acted out.”

(Salman Rushdie)

 

5. “Discourse may want an animated “No”

 

To brush the surface, and to make it flow;

 

But still remember, if you mean to please,

 

To press your point with modesty and ease.”

(William Cowper)

 

6. “The failures of the press have contributed immensely to the emergence of a talk-show nation, in which public discourse is reduced to ranting and raving and posturing.”

(Carl Bernstein)

In the spirit of the Family Day

From the web-site www.parenting-boys.com

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple that already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

“And Your Point being?” versus “Do you have a sense of humour?”

“Mein Lieber A.” (a friend of mine) and I had a few conversations and most of them ended up by him asking the question “And your point being?” and me asking “Do you have a sense of humour?”

I know he does.  But sometimes it becomes a bit frustrating when my jokes totally miss the target.  Wait, do jokes have targets?  Like cannons?  They do and they don’t.

I looked up the word “humour”.  Apparently I did not know all of its meanings.

“A state of mind; mood; disposition” – does not seem to be far out.

“A fancy; whim”

“Any of various body fluids formerly supposed to determine a person’s health and disposition.  They were blood, phlegm, choler (yellow bile), and melancholy (black bile).”

Surprise, surprise!

If you have to think of it, it might seem funny – that our sense of humour is derived from bodily fluids.  The word “humour” itself means in its origin fluid.

Maybe because humour is fluid and elusive.  I doubt it, though.

Well, anyways, the most common meaning of “Sense of Humour” now is “the ability to see or show the funny or amusing side of things.”

Some quotes on the subject.

Humor is the harmony of the heart. (Douglas William Jerrold)

 

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. (Leo Rosten)

 

What an ornament and safeguard is humor!

Far better than wit for a poet and writer.

It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.  (Sir Walter Scott)

What is humour for me?  Everything.  Salvation. Absolution.  State of mind (absolutely!).  My style of communication.  And without a sense of humour there is no mutual understanding.  Humour is my life.  My anchor. Or my wings? Oh, well, maybe a painkiller once in a while.  Whatever it is, of whatever quality (right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, light, dark), it is mine and mine only, it can never be taken from me.  Well, unless I lose my mind.

And what is my mind?

A flatterer is a friend who is your inferior, or pretends to be so.

Wretched, ephemeral race, children of chance and tribulation, why do you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most profitable for you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However, the second best thing for you is: to die soon.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Law is mind without reason.

Aristotle (Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC – 322 BC)

“To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”

(from www.thinkexist.com)

For me to dance is to be myself.  I don’t think I can go on anymore without it.  “What are your qualifications?” people keep asking me.  None.  I am a human being.  A wreck.  A ship wreck.  A plane that crashed in the jungle – in the middle of nowhere.  Broke, but not broken.

There was a joke that I used to like.  It is about Russian Armed Forces, but mostly about Russian mentality and absurdity, which surprisingly whips up creativity.  Russians have been so unhappy for so long (for centuries) so that they keep laughing at everything.

The joke was rhymed and went approximately like this:

Superior forces in an air combat defeated a Russian submarine in the Ukrainian steppes.

I don’t know how my translation sounds, maybe just unclear.  Or perfectly potty?  Explaining jokes is the last thing I want to do, because it certainly devalues the joke itself.  But fearing that I did such a bad job translating it , I would bend the rule and explain.  It is nonsensical.  Submarines do not belong on land, they do not engage in air combat.  Maybe not yet.  LOL.

That is how I feel now.  I am submarine.  A fish out of water.  A need the music and dance in my life for SURVIVAL.  I do not have any money right now and I have to figure out how to live and dance for the rest of my life.  How?  “What is to be done?”

1. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

2. Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

3. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

4. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you are told.

5. Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

6. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

7.  I need someone really bad.  Are you really bad?

8. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

9. If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

10.  Smith & Wesson: the original point and click interface.