Source: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mUB9YDdqDTQ/R5-bFUabA-I/AAAAAAAAADg/45l7Bc876oY/S660/background3-ballroom-dancing-paris-ithaca-nightlife-image-7002.jpg

This song was a favourite of mine for a long long time.  Maybe because I heard it in my childhood.  My son (of course!) said that it was very dumb.  The only thing that he appreciated was the clip – the puppets & their performance.  But he never likes anything that I choose, he just has to be DA BOSS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja_G2MSY9E8

The major point in this song is, of course, humour, but you might enjoy the clip, too.

Am
Это школа Соломона Кляра,
Am             A      Dm
Школа бальных танцев, вам говорят.
Dm6
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
E       E7   E      Am
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Кавалеры приглашают дамов!
Там, где брошка, там перед.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Дамы, не сморкайтесь в занавески!
Это неприлично, вам говорят.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
И несимпатично, вам говорят.

Кавалеры, не держите дамов
Ниже талии, вам говорят.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
И несимпатично, вам говорят.

Дамы, приглашайте кавалеров!
Там, где галстук, там перед.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Дамы, дамы, помогите Боре!
Помогите Боре, вам говорят.
Он наделал лужу прямо в коридоре -
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Дамы, дамы, не вертите задом!
Это не пропеллер, а вы не самолет.
Это неприлично, негигиенично
Шаг вперед и поворот.

Адик Рабинович, я имею выйти,
Я имею выйти, вам говорят.
Адик Рабинович, вы мне замените,
Шаг вперед и две назад.

Это школа Соломона Кляра,
Школа бальных танцев, вам говорят.
Две шаги налево, две шаги направо,
Шаг вперед и две назад.

source: http://www.ngavan.ru/gan/a01/b90/c0000/d0583/ind.shtml

Discourse

When I talk about definitions, I think it is important.  For me, at least.

A discourse – a conversation, talk. (apart from other meanings).

Origin: Latin dis – in different directions + currere – run.

An example?  Oh, my goodness!  I often listen to the songs on the www.youtube.com.  And how many times I had encountered absolutely insane conversations!  Most of the time I just don’t even pay attention to what is there.  But once I was asked whether I am aware of the discussions under the clips.  Then I sort of started paying attention.

I picked a clip teaching beginners’ steps for Salsa.  And a discourse jewel on top.  Here it is – a priceless example of meanness and creativity.  And one of the participants had a good point, when he mentioned the importance of definitions.

************************************************************************

Participant 1:

Following your line of thinking, Spanish is actually a retarded deformation of Latin and Arabic.

Notwithstanding the fact that you are unaware of the definition of the words:

1) retarded

2) language

3) dialect

the fact remains that you are neither intelligent, nor insightful, nor useful as a human being. I hereby order you, in the name of the survival of the species, to cease existing immediately.

************************************************************************

I was just wondering what drives those conversations.  Some people would say anger.  But I am beginning to think that it is pure loneliness.  Maybe both.

Quotes on Discourse:

1. “All discourses but my own afflict me; they seem harsh, impertinent, and irksome”

(Ben Jonson)

 

2. “Of our thinking it is but the upper surface that we shape into articulate thought; underneath the region of argument and conscious discourse lies the region of meditation.”

(Thomas Carlyle)

 

3. “It’s our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It’s a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse.”

(Deborah Tannen)

4. “The only privilege literature deserves – and this privilege it requires in order to exist – is the privilege of being in the arena of discourse, the place where the struggle of our languages can be acted out.”

(Salman Rushdie)

 

5. “Discourse may want an animated “No”

 

To brush the surface, and to make it flow;

 

But still remember, if you mean to please,

 

To press your point with modesty and ease.”

(William Cowper)

 

6. “The failures of the press have contributed immensely to the emergence of a talk-show nation, in which public discourse is reduced to ranting and raving and posturing.”

(Carl Bernstein)

In the spirit of the Family Day

From the web-site www.parenting-boys.com

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple that already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

“And Your Point being?” versus “Do you have a sense of humour?”

“Mein Lieber A.” (a friend of mine) and I had a few conversations and most of them ended up by him asking the question “And your point being?” and me asking “Do you have a sense of humour?”

I know he does.  But sometimes it becomes a bit frustrating when my jokes totally miss the target.  Wait, do jokes have targets?  Like cannons?  They do and they don’t.

I looked up the word “humour”.  Apparently I did not know all of its meanings.

“A state of mind; mood; disposition” – does not seem to be far out.

“A fancy; whim”

“Any of various body fluids formerly supposed to determine a person’s health and disposition.  They were blood, phlegm, choler (yellow bile), and melancholy (black bile).”

Surprise, surprise!

If you have to think of it, it might seem funny – that our sense of humour is derived from bodily fluids.  The word “humour” itself means in its origin fluid.

Maybe because humour is fluid and elusive.  I doubt it, though.

Well, anyways, the most common meaning of “Sense of Humour” now is “the ability to see or show the funny or amusing side of things.”

Some quotes on the subject.

Humor is the harmony of the heart. (Douglas William Jerrold)

 

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. (Leo Rosten)

 

What an ornament and safeguard is humor!

Far better than wit for a poet and writer.

It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.  (Sir Walter Scott)

What is humour for me?  Everything.  Salvation. Absolution.  State of mind (absolutely!).  My style of communication.  And without a sense of humour there is no mutual understanding.  Humour is my life.  My anchor. Or my wings? Oh, well, maybe a painkiller once in a while.  Whatever it is, of whatever quality (right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, light, dark), it is mine and mine only, it can never be taken from me.  Well, unless I lose my mind.

And what is my mind?

A flatterer is a friend who is your inferior, or pretends to be so.

Wretched, ephemeral race, children of chance and tribulation, why do you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most profitable for you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However, the second best thing for you is: to die soon.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Law is mind without reason.

Aristotle (Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC – 322 BC)

“To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”

(from www.thinkexist.com)

For me to dance is to be myself.  I don’t think I can go on anymore without it.  “What are your qualifications?” people keep asking me.  None.  I am a human being.  A wreck.  A ship wreck.  A plane that crashed in the jungle – in the middle of nowhere.  Broke, but not broken.

There was a joke that I used to like.  It is about Russian Armed Forces, but mostly about Russian mentality and absurdity, which surprisingly whips up creativity.  Russians have been so unhappy for so long (for centuries) so that they keep laughing at everything.

The joke was rhymed and went approximately like this:

Superior forces in an air combat defeated a Russian submarine in the Ukrainian steppes.

I don’t know how my translation sounds, maybe just unclear.  Or perfectly potty?  Explaining jokes is the last thing I want to do, because it certainly devalues the joke itself.  But fearing that I did such a bad job translating it , I would bend the rule and explain.  It is nonsensical.  Submarines do not belong on land, they do not engage in air combat.  Maybe not yet.  LOL.

That is how I feel now.  I am submarine.  A fish out of water.  A need the music and dance in my life for SURVIVAL.  I do not have any money right now and I have to figure out how to live and dance for the rest of my life.  How?  “What is to be done?”

1. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

2. Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

3. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

4. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you are told.

5. Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

6. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

7.  I need someone really bad.  Are you really bad?

8. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

9. If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

10.  Smith & Wesson: the original point and click interface.

Камень, брошенный в воду, всегда попадает в центр круга.

 

 

Самая большая несправедливость в жизни — это необходимость вставать раньше, чем высыпаешься.

 

 

При ближайшем рассмотрении обьект оказался рассмотренья не достоин.

По сравнению с тем, куда послали, просто счастье что к вам попал!

Пришёл, увидел, убежал!

 

Dear Natasha & Jonathan!

Take a deep breath (or better a hot bath followed by a cocktail) for this is going to be a long story…

This gift is to mark the occasion that we’ve missed all of your important occasions so far such as Christmas, the New Year’s Eve, the 10^th anniversary of you being happily not married, Jonathan’s birthday, Natasha’s graduation, and the new arrival of your cats (I do not remember their names, but these days I am not quite sure I remember mine).

So, we are clear with the purpose of this gift (not that every gift needs a purpose, but this one happens to have one).  As for its combination, it was unwittingly left at my discretion as Natasha refused categorically to give me any hints.  So, if you do not like it, you have a choice of being more cooperative next time or being stuck with my taste (questionable no doubt, as all tastes are).  Maybe we will get you a nice “dust collector” next time (you are going to have a place of your own, after all, and those usually have ample space for storing dust collectors.  Paying mortgage must have some rewards!)

Anyway, they say it is not the gift that counts, but the thought.  So mine went this path…

“The gift will help Natasha and Jonathan set the mood for the party of planning their next trip to see us.  They sit on a couch (they do not pick up the phone and are deaf to the requests from their numerous relatives and friends), relax, have a drink, put some music on, look at some pictures in the photo album and think “remember (Natasha, Jonathan) we have some friends who live in Toronto.  It is not all that far.  We will go visit them.  We know that we are not only invited but also welcome, which is not necessarily mutually exclusive.  Maybe we manage to see them before fall … (see the card)”

Some Q&A to follow:

Q: Oh, but they have a baby… A: We know that having a baby may not be a major attraction especially given your recent loss of a water fountain, but when you come visit us, all the damage can only be done to our place (think about it!)

Q: Oh, but they are on a diet…A: We agree that all that dieting might be off-putting to normal people, but it will be over soon.  Nikolai’s ETA at the “Being Supermodel” destination is end of April, and mine is end of May.  And we know that it will take you at least a couple of months to get ready and come to Toronto.

Q: Oh, but Svetlana cannot cook…  A: My marginal cooking skills should not be an excuse either.  After all, who could prepare a decent dinner, if one has to exclude pea soup, boiled eggs, mayonnaise, store-bought dressings, squash and potatoes?  Only Jonathan with his Chef’s degree.  But do not you worry, we can go out or, maybe, stay in and have some nice fresh cauliflower and a couple of grapefruits (Natasha loves those, I know!)

So, now you have to come.  And maybe this time we will win a game of billiard.

There are only a couple thoughts left (you may now refill your glasses).  The bear baby on the gift bag is not a distasteful hint (“where is yours?”), but simply an oversight on my part, I did not notice it as it was hiding in the folding.  You can consider it (the bear on the bag) a little spy we sent to check if you are trying to get ready for the trip to visit us.

And my English is not perfect, never was, never will be, so please excuse all the pronoun shifting, run-ons, bad spelling, and grammar.  The lack of thoughts clarity is however not language related, but you can excuse it, too, now that you are hopefully in the good mood.

So, please come and see us, both of you, we will be looking forward to it.

Svetlana, Nikolai, and Daniel

1. Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

2. Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

3. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

4. All generalizations are false, including this one.

5. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to  hell in such a way that you will be looking to the trip.

6. If you haven’t much education, you should use your brain.

7. I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

8. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

9. I don’t suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.