I have only “published” insane conversations so far.  But this one was a good one.  It would be even better if we actually met.  We did not.  But, I enjoyed talking to this man.  So, here it goes:

He: nice top

She: the best part is actually my brain

He: that’s what meant

She: yeah, right!!!!!!!!!!!

He: cross my heart

He: (didn’t mind your outfit though

She: Let me pretend I believe you. I love playing a moron – it is so much fun!

He: your far too witty for that

He: (and sexy)

She: you have no idea!

He: about your wit or your sexuality?

She: I am afraid – both, men routinely run away from me – it is not funny anymore

He: I’ve never been much of a runner – more of a cyclist

He: and I do love to “ride”

He: so why do men run from you

She: Oh?

She: intimidated

He: really – I love a confident woman – very sexy

She: you will be put to test

He: really – how so

He: I’m getting excited already

She: that is only face to face

She: tet a tet

He: sounds like fun – sort of like close personal contact

He: (did I tell you I love to be teased)

She: really? why?

He: it’s fun. Love the sensation of excitement. Love to please. Love to make things last

He: for both me and my partner

Yes, I need a man to explore my passions, desires, fantasies and I want to let go, I want to be myself, I want PASSIONATE LOVE

He: ok – I’m assuming that a confident woman like yourself enjoys the effect you have on a man

She: no, not really, I am still looking for someone equal or someone who can challenge me

He: intellectually, I assume

She: both

He: something tells me we just might get along

She: would be nice

She: tell me more about yourself

He: single, never married, bit of a solitary creature but gregarious at times

He: looking for a friend and a lover

She: how come you have not found one yet?

He: good question. Not sure. Maybe I’m looking for a mistress

He: a confident – a friend and a lover

He: with whom to explore

He: a woman who is confident in herself and her sexuality

She: I am not sure I am the ONE

He: why do you say that – what are you looking for

She: a friend and a lover to go steady for a while

She: tired of looking and not finding the ONE

She: I was married for 16 years

He: I think we may have much in common – what do you enjoy

She: dancing

He: tell me about you

He: I’d love to watch you dance

He: that would be very sexy

She: maybe

He: maybe you would dance for me or maybe it would be sexy

She: it is always sexy

He: I’m starting to think you need a man who would help you unleash yourself, your passions and your fantasies

She: you are close

He: you need a man with whom you could be yourself

She: true

He: and a man with whom you could explore your passions

He: your fantasies

He: and your desires

She: are you trying to seduce me?

He: yes

She: keep going

He: how am I doing?

He: you need a man with whom you feel comfortable enough to be sexually free, with whom you could explore your passions and “let go”

She: what is your sign?

He: Libra

She: ok

He: ok?

She: as long as you are not a Taurus

He: that would be a lot of bull – I’m apparently well balanced – and you

He: what brings you here – what are you looking for

She: I am a Halloween Girl

She: All my significant men were Tauruses – too many to be a mere coincidence

He: and you are no longer looking for a Taurus – what are you looking for

He: do you know

She: The best match (they say should be a Virgo), but I assume that I need a transitional relationship

She: I am too intense – Scorpio – quite unlike normal women

He: I applaud your honesty – I think that is exactly what you are looking for – and nothing wrong with that at all

She: I know – there is one man who is trying to seduce me, but it takes him forever

He: I see. Tell me, would you let m seduce you – make love to you, please you, entice you explore with you

He: let you explore, let you be yourself

He: let you be whoever you want to be

She: but I have to see you first

He: so perhaps you would allow me to buy you a drink

She: Deal

He: that would be very nice -

Et si tu n’existais pas
Je crois que je l’aurais trouvé
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder

Above all, I like beauty, balance, and harmony.  It may come as existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating as the scent of fresh rain mixed with the air of spring or melancholic, enigmatic and refined.

I cannot remember how many times I have been asked what I am looking for.  The only answer I can come with is Pure Happiness.  As simple as that.  I have learned to enjoy small things in life, here and now, a cup of coffee, a walk, a good conversation, a smile from a stranger, a sound of rain, snow falling on my eyelashes.  I am not looking for perfection, which in my opinion does not exist anyways.

Existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/7052d8370eacfe4b12ffa31eb111d0b1/

I am looking for a kindred spirit, a man I can fall in love with, totally losing myself and yet having the luxury of remaining myself.  Eyes I can drown in I find totally irresistible.  Anything that has depth to it.  Dark clouds, oceans, mirror effects, reflections, fluidity, illusions, allusions, formlessness.

Foreign languages, literature, films, poetry, images, paradoxes, songs that reflect my mood, dancing, some insanity once in awhile, passion, fall colours, colours Blue and Orange for one reason, colours Dark Maroon and Deep Wine-Red for quite another, courage, absurdity, intensity, character, sense of humour, philosophy, quotes.

Things I don’t like, though.  Over explaining.

I hate  verbal diarrhea and mental constipation.  Especially combined.  Arrogance.  Righteousness.  Pretence.  Superficiality.  Indifference.

There is not much to say about LavaLife.  How did I start writing on my web-site?  It was a suggestion.  Oh, why don’t you make a web site and write there whatever you want?  I was not so eager because I never knew what to write about.  Baring my soul?  No, thank you very much.

Oh, well, write, for example, how to date on LavaLife.  How to date on LavaLife?  How do I know?  I am not an expert on dating.  My experience on LavaLife is so insignificant, that my conclusions would be hardly of any interest to anyone.

The difficulties that I had?  Writing profiles.  I started with one which proved to be worse than another and I ended up with having no profile and therefore no activity at all.  My picture sends a totally wrong message – “oh, you are so sexy!”.  Maybe I am, but I am not interested in men who look for “oh, you are so sexy” women.  I wanted to see what other women write, but I did not know how to access their profiles.  Now I know, but I am not sharing that knowledge.  I am not interested in finding women, mind you, just curious what they write and what kind of pictures they do post.

Most of the time, I find LavaLife a waste of time, but there is still a slight hope that something might come out of it.  We will see.

Everything takes shape with time.  Or loses it.  So, I wrote a new profile and started treating LavaLife as a social experiment, as one of the guys I met put it.  If there would be any results I might share them.

I went to a LavaLife Salsa Dance Event.  Alone.  I asked a friend to join me, but he had something else to do.  Maybe it was just an excuse.  He is not into dancing.  I went anyways.  Even though, these days I try living having no expectations, but going there I did not feel so confident.  Being in a club alone, not knowing how to dance salsa could have resulted in a pathetic evening.

I am glad that I took that risk.  I felt so happy.  One gentleman offered to join me during the “lesson”.  And then I was lucky, I found a partner who was kind enough to dance with me for the most of the evening.  I think I robbed the rest of the crowd of the best partner that was available.  It was such a joy.  I just looked into his eyes and I did not notice much of what was happening around me.  He had a radiant smile.  That was my first SALSA experience, so my performance was probably much more to be desired.  But as far as passion and artistic expression goes, it is never in short supply.  To whom is this “Thank You Note”?  To Providence?  Maybe.

I met this person on line, but the only conversation we had is the one to follow on MSN.  Please if you have anything to say,  leave a comment!  Because this is insane.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

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Burnaby :            hi                      9:48 PM

Me:                  hi                      9:48 PM

Burnaby:            how are you?             9:49 PM

Me:                  ok, you?     9:49 PM

Burnaby is Available                      (9:50 PM)

Burnaby            i am fine 9:50 PM

how is your search on lavalife going? 9:51 PM

Me:                  it is not really going anywhere             9:51 PM

what is your name?                         9:51 PM

Burnaby            are you russian?                                    9:52 PM

Me:                  yes                                                       9:52 PM

Burnaby            [His name]                                       9:52 PM

pictures look like different person             9:53 PM

Me:                  what do you mean?                           9:53 PM

Burnaby:            are you jewish?                                     9:53 PM

Me:                  no                                                        9:53 PM

should I be?                                           9:53 PM

Burnaby:            you changed on pictures..                      9:54 PM

dont know…                                            9:54 PM

so, what are you looking for? are you single, and kids? 9:55 PM

Me:                  single, one son, you?                           9:55 PM

Burnaby:            single. No kids                                    9:56 PM

Me:                  how old are you?                             9:56 PM

Burnaby:            42                                                        9:59 PM

Me:                  what sign?                                         9:59 PM

Burnaby:            Taurus                                     10:00 PM

Me:                  we did not really talk before? did we? 10:00 PM

did I scare you?                             10:03 PM

Burnaby:            not interested                                              10:04 PM

Me:                  why then did you talk to me?                   10:07 PM

Burnaby:           russians do not behave well.

they are rude, unreliable.

donot come to date.

i do not care about your son.

you are stupid and proud, not even good looking.            10:10 PM

Me:                  And i guess you are very polite, are you?                 10:11 PM

Burnaby:            i am . VERY. with the right person. but not a fool. 10:12 PM

My comment:  I would love to hear your comments.  Especially if you are a Russian woman and have experience dealing with Canadian men from LavaLife.  But any comment is welcome.

From: me

Subject: Pictures

To: Libra Man

I am certainly not a morning person, more of a night owl, but these few days are an exception for me.  I just could not sleep.  I got a new job and maybe it is stress, I do not really know.  These guys that I met were not about chemistry at all – all they wanted was sex on their terms – not strings attached.  They need a woman to be on a “booty call” and they could not care less about her.  I am putting it bluntly, of course, they use “normal” acceptable phraseology, but it all boils down to sex only.  But that category was to respond first and first to come (of course! they are motivated)!!!.

That is what I personally do not understand.  I am a caring person; I care about my friends, my neighbours, people on the street and complete strangers.  I don’t have to be asked to help; I am always the first one to offer.

But I now, I learned “their language”, and I see them immediately.  It took me a week to eliminate this category and I have only been on LavaLife for a week.

I did respond to you, because I have a strategy.  I am being pro-active.  I take charge.  But it does not mean that a telephone number is an invitation to bed.  It is part of the process.  First we make contact, exchange e-mails, then talk on the phone and then a cup of coffee.  It is very similar to a job interview.  I am totally done with IM – it is insane and it is nothing but a waste of time.

I am trying to adjust the process as I go.  By the way, I always ask guys how it is going for them, because I am genuinely interested.  You are the only one to give me such a story.  Everybody else says that is going fine, thank you very much.

By the way, I could not see you that well on the picture either.

Do not worry about my number, just take your time.  A lot of guys do not call anyways.  The reason is that they are not interested.  The only thing that bothers me – why then they use the service if it costs so much.

Svetlana

——————————————————————————–

From: Libra Man

To: me

Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 4:51:58 AM

Subject: RE: Pictures

Hey Svetlana, thanks for the pics..you look good to me

And I appreciate your openness..

But no, I didn’t think giving me your number was an invitation to bed lol.

It sounds like it’s all or nothing, and that’s where it stands for you. I understand that. I don’t know if I’m your type, but I can call you sometime if you’re still interested..maybe take it from there?

Here are a few other pics.

Libra Man

Date: Wed, 1 Jul 2009 08:09:21 -0700

From: me

Subject: My type?

To: Libra Man

How can I decide whether you are my type or not?  I haven’t even talked to you and I haven’t even met you.  Pictures are pictures, they do not tell much.  If you were to buy a real estate, would you go by a description and a picture?  If you were to buy new clothes, wouldn’t you try it on?

http://www.altrealm.com/conversations/2008-08-30/signs/

Read this short story “Signs”.  You only have “to flip coins”, when you do not know what it is exactly that you want.  When you know what you want, you will do it.  It is very easy, just common sense.

Besides, I did not understand what you mean exactly by “all or nothing”?  Does it really exist in this world?  I have a lot in my life – my family, my son, my friends and a new and exciting job.  Finding a man is not easy, but it is only a matter of time.  I am a “go-get-girl”, but not in a romantic relationship.  I am a woman and I want to be treated like one.  My femininity is not of a regular quality, but I can bet you anything, these simple and ordinary women have not a clue how to be seductive.  And no, dressing up the part is not enough.  Playing the part requires talent and skill, not a costume.

I never pursue men.  Never, ever, ever.

Weak, indecisive, wishy-washy, boring is certainly not my type.

Svetlana

From: Libra Man

To: me

Sent: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 5:47:51 PM

Subject: RE: My type?

 Re ‘type’ -that’s all I meant…  just expressing a little doubt

You know EXACTLY what ‘all or nothing’ means. It exists to 99% of all women! How many women do you know that are in a relationship just for the sex? If it doesn’t come with any more than that, it would be VERY short-lived.

You’ve been on lava for a week? I’ve been on it on/off for 14 yrs. It’s been little more than a social experiment, and the results aren’t encouraging. I’ve found most women are on it for attention, ego stroking, and teasing. I can lecture you on weak, indecisive, wishy-washy, boring, ..not to mention fickle Men have to pay to use the site, so we’re not in it to waste time/effort.

I’ve had a number of gfs off the site, but they were compromises. I’ve always believed having something is better than nothing..may be sad, but realistic.

I have to say, I liked your take on your ‘femininity’ So true about women just looking the part. I do find you a little intriguing

Libra Man

Date: Wed, 1 Jul 2009 15:37:53 -0700

From: me

Subject: Re: My type?

To: Libra Man

I felt like you were screaming at me.

Svetlana

From: Libra Man

To: me

Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 2:34:51 AM

Subject: RE: My type?

Sorry. Just venting Guess we both expressed a little frustration.

To let you know, I work nights from Mon-Thurs, so I can try calling you sometime Fri night or the weekend? I’m nicer on the phone ..and in person.

You set off any fireworks last night?         Libra Man

Date: Thu, 2 Jul 2009 00:20:39 -0700

From: me

Subject: Re: My type?

To: Libra Man

Apologies accepted.  I was not frustrated at all.  That is all in the past when I did not know enough about people, about myself and I could not communicate effectively.  Now, it became much much easier.  It is a skill, which can be developed.  Well, moving on.  I am supposed to work on Friday and Saturday from 9 am to 5 pm, but it might change.  The other person who was hired to work with me, has quit, so the schedule might be different.  You can try and call me, but I prefer when you let me know before you call (send an e-mail or something).  Otherwise I will be in the middle of something and it always feels a bit awkward.

I did not set any fireworks myself.  But my son was invited by his girlfriend to see Fireworks and I saw them all over the city from my balcony (I live in a Penthouse).  But that was certainly not the best part of my day.

Good night, night owl

Svetlana

I don’t remember anything about him, but this conversation.  Like so many others he knew what was wrong with me and what exactly I should do about it.

He:       420? J

She:      Wrong person! I do realize what is happening most of the time.

            And I would assume you did not read my Profile

            I will change it again soon

He:       I looked like a song to me

She:      It is (I think it was “I will survive by Diana Ross)

            You know what it is about?

He:       that was I figured

She:      don’t treat me like shit

He:       it’s about a woman did nothing wrong and is blaming a guy for everything

He:       I figured you could use a good f-ck

(Ladies pay attention – he is problem-solving!!!)

She:      What, are you the one?

            Are you a good f-ck?

He:       I’m the great f-ck LOL, looks like you have some issues to work out

She:      I certainly do, Mr. Intuitive

            Did you listen to that song, check it out

            By Diana Ross

He:       I did hear that song, I can play that song, it’s really misguided

She:      I have plenty others

            I must run off

He:       name one

She:      Habibi ya nour el ain

He:       Are you Jewish?

She:      no

He:       Then what’s with the Habibi

She:      go to youtube.com and paste it and listen

He:       LOL you don’t have very good taste in music

            Are you Russian?

She:      Well, I have my issues to think about.

            Yes (meaning, yes, I am Russian)

He:       Ha-ha, trust but verify you do have issues

She:      with a really bad taste in music and a lot of issues

He:            apparently so

            Who could use a good f-cking

She:      that is why so many men really like/love me

He:       LOL, I bet

She:      But you do not stand a f-cking chance, so off I go

He:       LOL, trust me, you are so f-cked up for me,

as normal and righteous as you probably think you are

            you are at the end of the spectrum that is wrong with the world today

She:      you will be the judge.

            It is nice to know that neither of us interested in another.

            That is what I call a GOOD MATCH

After he asked me to not contact him ever again, he wrote to me: 

Wow..  You really are quite angry.  Perhaps you should look t someone who can help you overcome your frustrations.

 Such a shame that you have to spend your energy being negative, writing blogs and material about the bad.

 Try being positive and writing about good things, so you don’t go around bashing men.  You are sad…

 Best of luck…

 I did not respond to his advice.  But to you, my audience, whoever you are, I want to say:  I am not angry at all.  The first time I heard this phrase “be positive” was on the plane – London – Toronto, on March 4, 1997, the day of my landing in Canada.  And there is plenty I want to say about being positive, negative and neutral.  Just keep reading.  If you want to, that is.

From: Capricorn 1144>
Subject: RE: An Answer
To: Halloween Girl 42
Received: Saturday, June 27, 2009, 2:00 PM

Well now, angry are we?

I won’t run on like you to defend my positions that you have attacked.  Your response just shows the type of person I thought you might be, which is what I picked up on from you.

For you to actually strike back with such emotion tells me you are not happy and very much in need to find a better place.  The fact that you repeatedly stated that you could not care less, well that is just your defensive side.

Above all, you could have just not responded at all (like my advice to you about unfavourable Lava men), OR simply taken a more graceful route by simply saying a few words and perhaps good luck.  

You did not so this, which is a symtom for you to reflect on and look inside yourself to know this is not a positive atribute to show.

Fact is, nothing you said rings true in my world as I am in a transiant place, have some friends to hang with, and have no shortage of mid 30’s smart, attractive women to date who are looking for quality over quantity.  2nd, 3rd dates are more common than you think for me…..and I am going on one tonight.  

If you value your integrity, no further response is neccessary or needed.  Your words mean nothing to me, so save them.  Good luck with your career path and future.

Capricorn

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2009 00:26:35 -0700
From: Halloween Girl 42
Subject: RE: An Answer
To: Capricorn 1144=

Last Reply from Capricorn1144

Say what you will, but your previous response already shows your anger.

Too late to change that now.

Material for your book?  

I will keep your email reply for the record in case you do mention my name in vain.  Regardless, you need to move on and not bother wasting your time with me as we are not a good social match. 

It is funny that you now come to the surface about “unknowingly” suggesting that you have good material for a book.  Nothing happened and your responsibility for whatever you think happened has not been addressed, so taking something that is not real and didn’t happen is fiction.  

Any further attempts to contact me will just show how you don’t respect another’s point of view.

PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANY FURTHER

So, I met this guy from LavaLife in person. He was all about respect.  That is his favourite (f-word).  I am normally about honesty and my f-word is friendship.

Let me give him a nickname – Capricorn 1144.  He also kept repeating his mantra “Don’t tell me, show me” which made sense in a way, but still was odd.  I had a mixed feeling about him and as usual instead of trusting my intuition; I was going to rely on my mind and reason.  Well, never, ever again.  Intuition first, mind and reason last.  He had good qualities among which the one I especially look for in people – the sense of humour.  However, what he was looking for – was not me.  I would describe it like that:

“Wanted: meaningful overnight relationship.”  He put it “no strings attached, respectful fun.” 

My problem: I want too much from guys, I am too intense.  His problem: bad timing.  Ok, enough said.

 One of the topics we discussed, why guys behave like assholes and he said, “Men are scum”.  He said that I should be very careful.  I said that all I was asking for was honesty.  Don’t let me wait and guess what the hell you wanted.  Call me and say it to my face.  Whatever it is.  So, when we parted on that day and it was only one date, he said, “I will (emphasis on “will”) call you.”

 He did not.

 And now is the story of what came next. (to be continued)