Only afterward, when the sobering influence of maturity returns, does Capricorn feel a vague sense of remorse and melancholy for having succumbed to the temptation of forbidden passions.

The Capricorn Love Mystery

Now the chilling blasts of winter grow more insistent, forcing the experience-weary soul to symbolically retreat back into the haven of the family circle, to submit once again to the meditative, negative-feminine Night Forces.  On the Capricorn level of consciousness, for the fourth and final time, the soul feels the powerful vibrations of Cardinal leadership.  But this time it leads through the stable Earth Element, from a position of strength inside the home, beside the hearth.  Why should the Goat expose himself (or herself) to the icy temperatures outside, just to be seen and heard – applauded and praised?

Capricorn souls, now sure of both their ability and their right to take command, no longer feel the need to display or aggressively flaunt their power – either for public adulation, or for inner security.  By this stage, the soul has learned that true peace comes from within.  Being appointed Leader is a responsibility to be handled as carefully as possible, with no special recognition due for doing what is obviously one’ duty.  The Capricon’s relatives (especially parents) now assume marked importance for either good or ill, because the symbolic “old age” of the soul has arrived – and along with it, a sense of  the priorities of life, the most important being the security of belonging.  The excitement of romance and the freedoms of youth are not nearly as enticing to the Goat as comfort and contentment with those he can depend on to care for him (or her).

Capricorn is both prepared and willing to impart the hard-earned Saturnine wisdom, but only when invited to do so.  Because the Goats know the folly of forcing people to mature before their time, they smile with the benevolent indulgence of a fond grandparent (whatever his or her chronological age) upon the playful antics of the still young at heart.  Secretly, the Capricorn soul longs to abandon duty but is by now resigned to the knowledge that sheer idealism is impractical – and spontaneous enthusiasm can never replace experience.  Acutely aware of the dangers of impulsive action, the soul has become more conservative – and the Goat’s refusal to either scatter efforts or to indulge in sentimentality brings on accusations of emotional coldness from those born into the Fire and Air Elements.  Capricorns respect authority because they see the law as necessity for the protection of human rights and safety.  They shyly worship the famous and successful because Capricorn’s ruler, Saturn, teaches them to revere achievement, knowing full well its price.

Although Capricorn may appear to be serious and unyielding to more liberal souls, Life has also taught the Goats its humourous side, and their subtle jokes are tinged with the irony of existence.  Because the new Saturnine duties as counselor to the foolish weigh heavily on their shoulders, they sometimes try to drink the last full measure of Life’s rare pleasures, calmly accepting them without false modesty or undue inhibition.  Only afterward, when the sobering influence of maturity returns, does Capricorn feel a vague sense of remorse and melancholy for having succumbed to the temptation of forbidden passions.  In this soul vibration there is a compulsion to acknowledge the necessity for being practical, as Capricorn admits, “I USE”.  But a gentleness of spirit softens the severity of the surface sternness commanded by Saturn, for the Capricorn consciousness brings with it a sympathy for human mistakes, born from understanding gained through ten stages of Life’s – and Love’s – mysteries.

Capricorn’s positive qualities are determination, stability, wisdom, dependability, sureness and tranquility.  Expressed in their negative form they become selfishness, narrowness, ruthless ambition, rigidity, snobbery, depression and loneliness.

To Capricorn, love is a quiet and undemanding exchange of personal gratification.  The Goats have fully learned the valuable lesson that love is not measured by excessive emotion.  But because they equate it only with the necessities of mutual need and desire, they have not yet experienced the release of its inner longings.

What the Gemini man or woman sees through the window is a forbidden Eden where all longings lie in mystery...

The Gemini Love Mystery

In the Gemini soul experience, the symbolic Taurus “Baby” enters into the world of the toddler-Child, and feels again, as on the Aries Infancy level, the positive, masculine Day Forces.  For the first time, the soul arrives at the stage of the Mutable Communicator, becoming conscious of its own mentality, aware that it is not alone in the Universe.  The Child soul of Gemini learns to communicate needs by speaking, by learning to form words and string them together, while the parents and others listen attentively, rejoicing at each new sound.  Talking is fun because it centers all the interest on him (or her).  There’s a new ability to crawl or toddle over to the cookie jar, without either the Aries yelling or the Taurus waiting, and this new-found independence is intoxicating.  Geminis are thrilled by the knowledge now within grasp, and so “I THINK!” cries Gemini to the world-at-large, in great excitement.

The symbolic Child level of consciousness teaches the Gemini soul that there are two sides to the character – a duality or polarity that must be brought into harmony before one can successfully relate to others.  The first twinge of unhappiness pulls as he or she bumps hard into discipline, while trying to blend the walking and sleeping Twin Selves.  Because Gemini suddenly longs for pleasures outside home and family, the Child soul is often punished for symbolically attempting to run out into dangers not yet suspected.  Likewise, the world invites Gemini men and women to explore it, and who knows what they may find out there!  With the new mental ability to reason and deduce – to relate – Gemini begins to wish for and to dream of things beyond what has already been seen.

Half the Gemini Soul is still an insecure baby, needing the familiar.  Half is a yearning child, curious about the many undiscovered marvels just out of tangible reach.  The Geminian soul has already experienced Fire and Earth and it learning to cope with the Air Element for the first time.  And so this twinned personality experiments, with bright eyes and a hopeful heart.  Each new day stirs Gemini’s mind with its hidden magic, more enticing now than discarded toys and the warm circle of parental affection.  What the Gemini man or woman sees through the window is a forbidden Eden where all longings lie in mystery, as the ruling planet Mercury (the magician) beckons toward the seductive road beyond.

Gemini positive qualities are versatility, mental alertness, quickness of perception, deductive reasoning and flexibility.  Expressed in their negative form they become restlessness, glibness, shallowness, double-talk, unreliability and self-deception.

To the Gemini “Child”, love has lost some of its early wonder.  It is still needed on this level, more than is realized, but there’s something more thrilling than love to seek now.  Is it love that holds you back, tugs on one and keeps one from rushing out the front door into Life?  Love, then, is perhaps enjoyable, but it is also restrictive.  Gemini men and women have not stopped needing it or desiring it, but when love becomes a barrier to their freedom, they rashly discard it, forgetting its warmth and safety – not caring that they may get lost and unable to find their way home.

Longing for Friendship or Love? Whichever comes first

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/cc1886930f6224d0abbf0255cfeadd05/

I love this word even though it seems to be somewhat an exaggeration for describing how I feel.  How can I be infatuated with the person I am infatuated with?  Well, I am talking about “my delicate friend” and I am trying to figure out what has happened, why it has happened and what to do.  He dismissed the word “infatuation” as totally wrong or inappropriate.

Well, according to the dictionary “to infatuate” means either make foolish or inspire with a foolish and unreasoning passion.  Frankly, I don’t really see how passion can be reasoning.  But the word infatuation expresses something extreme – extreme adoration, foolish love, or unreasoning fondness.

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Mikhail Lermontov

I am lonenly and sad

I’m lonely and sad, and in moments of bitterest pain

Have no one to look to, alas…

Desires!.. What use to desire without end, without gain,

While all the best years swiftly, fleetingly pass!

To love… Whom?.. If briefly, ’tis not worth the effort…

Fore’er?..

Vain longing, since love cannot last.

Look into your heart: joy and torment – all paltry, and there

Remains not a trace of the past.

The passions?.. Sweet ailment that reason will easily cure,

A cold word of logic arrest.

And life – what is life if you look round you coolly?-

A poor,

An empty and trivial jest!..

1840

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We did not analyze the word “infatuation”.  But we did talk about chemistry.  The one that exists in relationships.  According to the dictionary, “chemistry” is described as “qualities of personality in interaction”.  He did not seem to be too happy that every woman (or so it seems) asks for this elusive concept of chemistry.  He said, that he did not study chemistry.  Well, neither did I, not this chemistry anyways.  We talked about it jokingly and then agreed that we probably should take some lessons.

On my own, I played with some words.  Chemistry versus Physistry (the physistry I did study).  Law of Attraction.  Magnetism.  Hypnosis.  Chain Reaction.  Energy.  Inertia.  Inertia?  That inertia of thinking when you for some reason fall for a certain type.  It is a powerful thing.  The patterns.  But seriously, what is chemistry?

I did look it up on the Internet and the resource that I found is short and sweet and quite to the point.

I am not going to cut and paste, you can read it on your own, provided it still will be available at the moment when you check out the link.  If it won’t, let me know, I save it on my computer just in case.

http://astoundingdatingtips.com/blog/2008/10/08/how-chemistry-is-build-between-a-man-and-a-woman/

The love potion apparently consists of three ingredients:

1)      PEA – phenylethylamine (adrenaline-like neurochemicals) – fireworks, we see stars, walk on air, natural high

2)      Dopamine

3)      Norepinephrine (both chemical cousins of amphetamines, that stimulate production of adrenaline) – euphoria, energy, love sparks

The best part is this – the author calls “chemistry” infatuation.

No, maybe the best part is, that the author dismisses the word love.

“Love? No, just “chemistry” and infatuation!

Et si tu n’existais pas, J’essaierais d’inventer l’amour

I started this post wanting to write about the film “Two Lovers”.  I could never actually get to write a review.  (Well, later I will do it, promise!)  I was thinking too much about how fast I fall in love and how fast I create that infatuation out of which I could not so easily escape.  Infatuation?  Creating feelings out of thin air.  Falling in love with the images of my own and on my own and then projecting them onto a real person.  I guess I am being creative.  Or insane, even ever so slightly.  I was thinking about how it is like projecting a film, its characters and a story onto an empty screen and expecting a feedback from that imaginary life.  That’s me.  Feelings are real, the feedback?  I am afraid, it would take a long time to get one.

Being a somewhat strange person, I do have somewhat strange conversations.  Coming from my dream…

“It is what it is, you feel what you feel, it is neither right nor wrong”, – my friend usually says.  Yes, the one that I like so much for so little reason.  That is the quintessence of our conversations, I think.  Apart from the fact that he is right and I am wrong.  I think way too much about him, only because I created those feelings and then I fell under their influence.  Well, how clever of me!

Well, it takes time to recognize that I am all-alone in that fantasy world.  In love with an image, a reflection, a mirage…

Is it time to forget, to wake up?  I am afraid so. But…deep inside, I don’t really want to.  I love this haze and intoxication.  And then I find a song.  An old one about another person who would have created love and a lover even if the lover did not exist.  To find the secret of life by creating a lover…  I might be slightly insane, but why so many other people like this song?  Maybe there is something to it?  Longing for love?  I guess, it is what it is – neither right nor wrong.

Et si tu n’existais pas

Je crois que je l’aurais trouvé

Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi

Simplement pour te créer

Et pour te regarder

I wanted to make a different post on Halloween.  A poem by Edgar Allan Poe.  “The Raven”.  I thought it would be more becoming.  More becoming my mood and the spirit of Halloween.

My plans have changed.  They usually do.  Something happened and it was somewhat pleasant, somewhat strange and more becoming my melancholic mood and longing for love.

“Gefunden.”  Some things are just strange.  The only thing that I remember from years of learning German was (is) a poem by Goethe.  “Gefunden” means “Found”.  It is about a flower the author finds in a forest while walking there without a thought in mind.  Instead of picking it and letting the flower die, the author digs it out with all the roots and replants it in his garden. 

Und pflanzt es wieder

Am stillen Ort;

Nun zweigt es immer

Und blüht so fort.

The reason the poem has surfaced again was that I met “a friend of a delicate nature” who claimed that he could read German.  His claim turned out to be somewhat exaggerated, since he could not read nor translate “Gefunden” with the online translator.  But that is quite understandable and, to be honest, is precisely what I assumed at the beginning.  Reading a language without properly learning it seems a tall order.  But this story is not about him.  Well, not entirely.

The poem keeps coming back to me.  And this time I found out that Goethe wrote this poem not about a flower, but about his love for a real woman.

I have a dream.  I want to find my love and I found a flower.  Literally.  Where and when?  I was working and walking in circles in the department store full of misplaced clothes.  Of all days, it was Halloween, my birthday.  I did not expect to find anything.  Yet I did.  I found a red rose, slightly battered, slightly faded, smelling of perfume, still beautiful…

I picked it gently and took it home, treating this red rose as a gift, as a sign, as a new hope.

Some things do come out of the Blue.

And my friend with his beautiful deep eyes, seductive voice and a reminiscence of a true love is only a vision of my longing for something or someone whom I will find.

One day.  Out of the Blue.  On the Halloween?