To tell or not to tell?

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/266be058e56ba32ebf7cb45c1f2c8242/

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/c14e68c72d7002f1f9485d1c3302ae6e/

Ö        Making mistakes is OK

Ö        Redefine success and failure:

o       Success is learning

o       Failure is not trying

Ö        Get the facts

Ö        Develop a plan

Ö        Take small steps

Ö        Practice taking risks where it is safe

Ö        Ask for support

Ö        Be patient – slow down

Ö        Be persistent

Ö        Be kind to yourself

Ö        Back up plan

How did I take risks? Diving head first! That was so JVS and so 2007!  But I learned.

I believe that.  When I am in trouble and show all the signs of distress, you know how many people come to actually help?  Just about 12% percent.  I was crying, I was hysterical or not.  I was simply asking for help.  It is hard to get.  In year 2007, when I had my nervous break down and I was attending the JVS Program, I was not asking for much.

Just make me laugh.  The response – I can’t, I won’t, what are you “insane”!!!

So, I came to certain conclusions.  Blue People (the True Ones) are a rare breed.

That is what the JVS Manual has to say about Blues:

BLUEs water and fertilize people, and people blossom under their guidance.  The BLUE hates to be categorized – too impersonal.  They tend to take everything personally, and are “hyper-aware” of the reaction of others.  Teh BLUE reads people as others read books. They are “people-people” and crave relationships with others.

All four temperament styles tend to think everyone else is on the same mission.  In the case of the BLUE, they think the whole world is clamouring for self-actualization and growth.  Althought they are only 12% of the population, they exert a much greater influence.  Usaully they have very good verbal skills and are articulate.  They write many self-help books (i.e. “The Power of Positive Thinking”, “Psycho Cybernetics”, “Visualizing Success”, etc.)

Blues are usally adept at many things and may need to channel their interests and energies in one direction.  They love harmony in relationships, hate to argue and want everyone to get along.  They are uncomfortable with dissension, want to patch things up and are natural “smoother-outers”.  The BLUE tends to be idealistic and future oriented.  They have visions of everyone getting along together —- “Why can’t this be a nice place?” or “Peace on earth and good will to men”.

Careers with appeal to BLUES include teaching (they represent 38% of the teachers), writing, drama, counselling and psychology.  They gravitate toward occupations in which they can influence others.  BLUEs have difficulty with administration because they are too empathetic and tend to be rule benders.

A friend told me “Toronto sucks!”  I strongly disagree, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot make my friend see the real problem.  He is clueless why he is sooo unhappy.  Like most of us, he is playing “blaming game”. 

• It is not my fault that Toronto sucks.
• It is not my fault that my job sucks.
• It is not my fault that my marriage sucks.
• It is not my fault that my life sucks.

Sounds familiar?  But whose fault is it?  That is where it all begins.  Pain. 

• Pain of everyday life.
• Pain of existence.
• Pain of depression.
• Pain of inertia.
• Pain of indecision and lack of will to make some changes.
• Pain of not belonging.
• Pain of loneliness.
• Pain of not being understood.

Remember the art of reframing?  Using Pain to Power Vocabulary:

It is a Problem             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             It is an Opportunity

I can’t                          = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I won’t

It’s not my fault             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I am totally responsible

So here it goes.  Substitution.  Simple.  I am totally responsible for everything that I have in my life.  In short, I deserve what I have.  If I think I deserve something better, I should make an effort to get it.  How?  Here comes the “How get what you want” theory. 

There are only two steps:

1. Define what you want (it is the hardest part).
2. Go get it.

How?  Figure it out.  If you really want it, you will find the way.  Motivation only comes from within.  And, pleaaase, don’t ask for explanations.  When you do so, it is the same if you would ask me to chew your food for you.  You should find your own way – brainstorm, do your research, find resources, problem-solve.

How do I solve my problems?  I started out like everybody else.  Clueless.  I blamed everyone in my life: my mother, my friends, my husband, and my stupidity.  I listened to others.  Oh, boy!  People seemed to be experts in solving my problems.

• You are too old
• You are too fat
• You analyze too much
• You are too intelligent
• Be humble
• Zip it up
• You have too much education
• You are overqualified
• Take your perversions somewhere else
• You are very bitter
• You are angry
• You will never get a job
• You will never find like-minded people
• You will never get published
• We cannot have you in the group because you require special attention

Well, here is goes “we cannot”.  That was JVS.  We cannot have you in the program.  It was JVS who gave me the Binder – the Manual with the “Art of Reframing”.  So, let’s substitute.

We won’t have you in the program.  End of story.  Not quite.  But they kicked me out.  I was too much for them.  That was May 2007.  As one of my new friends said – it is SO 2007.  That was the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  Well, Bipolar or not I am not going to give up.  That is my solution “Never Give Up!”

After I put it all together – personality dimensions, work values, personal strengths, the results of the skills scan, and the knowledge-based skills, I got my PROFILE done.

So, the rest was easy.  JVS asked me about my DREAM JOB and I said that I want to have an orphanage for children that were rejected by everybody else.  Because I wanted to prove the fact that a lot depends on the upbringing and I would be a noble thing to do.  Besides the fact, of course, that I simply love being with children.

So, here are the suggestions from JVS and other members of the group to as what I have to do in order to get what I wanted.

My Dream Job:

1. To run an orphanage for the rejects.  Orphanage manager, owner, curriculum designer.
2. To open my Dance Studio (that came to my mind only two short years later! LOL)

Suggestions from Other Members of the Group:

1. Independent Daycare
2. Social Worker
3. Camp Counsellor
4. Fundraiser for Charities working for Children
5. Kindergarten ECE
6. Advocate and Speaker
7. Children’s Aid (Advocate)
8. Juvenile Correction Officer
9. Child Psychiatrist
10. Foster Parent Coordinator
11. Policy and Curriculum Designer (for Children)
12. Life Skills Coach
13. Children’s Health
14. Non-profit Program Manager

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of our design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me.  That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague.  If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong and might finally appear right t you as right – for me.  To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.  Not that you embrace my ways are right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.  And in understanding me you might come to prize my difference from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

It was a part of JVS Binder (Manual).

From Keirsey and Bates, “Please Understand Me”

I dedicate this story and all of my other stories to the people who are powerless when it comes to dealing with Systems.  In short, I dedicate my writing to the absolute majority of the population.  Not only in Canada.  Everywhere.

First, I was Blue

When I was born (in my country of Origin) “delivery personnel” picked me up and said to my mother “It’s a boy” in a dismissive manner.  Usually, it is either a boy or a girl.  Wait, you already know this if you are old enough to read this.  However, you may not know, that in my country of Origin it was not customary to actually show a child to a mother.  Why bother?  She will have the rest of her life to look at her offspring.   Just because I was misdiagnosed so early in life, the “delivery personnel” bended the rules a little bit, five minutes after I was born, first of all I was no longer referred to as a boy…and second of all, I was actually showed to my mother.

            – To be continued

 Before I was diagnosed with mentality, I joined This program.  It specializes in helping women who are no longer indecently young yet still do not know how find meaningful employment or at least sustainable careers.  Me, me and me.  Middle aged, overeducated, unemployed with no idea how to make a transition from this to what?  I qualified, career exploration was right up my valley, and so I joined This Program.  Simple.  Little that I knew that it would take me to places I did not know existed.  That is my story.

I studied for too many years, so I consider myself being a good student.  Revision.  I know I am a good student.  On Day 1, I was given the Manual (the Binder), which had the answer.  In order to get it, I had to complete the steps.  Step by step, day-by-day I followed The Manual religiously.  Step by step, day by day. Some people said that I took it too literally, but it was meant to be taken literally.  To prove me wrong, join This program and try to do the program figuratively.  We will compare results later.  You might end up with a story that is far more interesting than mine. 

In my opinion, I did everything right, however, on Day 7, I was kicked out of the program.  Why?  Because I did what I was told to do.  I overcame my fear.  I made a transition from Pain to Power.  It was, however, perceived, that I was too intense, too scary, too powerful.  I had too many problems.  I was no longer welcome to the group, but I still had the right to see my Counsellor.

On Day 8, I came to Emergency of This Hospital to help me relax (from all the stress or stressors ) and I was locked for 72 hours on the grounds that I could be a menace to a society and myself.  I was not, but that the professionals would rather follow the rules of the System, embrace the Power of Assumption, but not listen to their minds and hearts.

            – To be continued

 “The World Rocking Manual. How to get ahead of competition”. Ishq Ka Kalma Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal (Rock my World)

1. Make me laugh.  You will get my attention.

2. Be outstanding.  Find a way.  Dull conversation is not it.

3. Do not pretend to be something that you are not. 

Who I am? Quoting others:

1. You are a woman to fall in love at first sight.

2. How can I ever forget you?

3. Why would I resist a beautiful woman like you?

4. Toronto’s best-kept secret (one of your competitors on Lava told me that).

5. I love the sound of your smile.

 

Virgo, Pisces, Scorpio men have unfair advantage.  Tauruses no need to apply.   I have a weakness for the men of colour and police officers.  No, it is not the uniform.  I love people who speak several languages, at least more than one. Accents definitely a turn on, but I should be able to understand you with ease. Sexy voices. 

High sex drive. Performance will be graded.  25% of my men had problems.  Oh, really?  Really.  That bad.  Intimate pictures are not required, size matters but only a point.  It was not your choice exactly, was it?  Skills, however, are up to you to develop.  Are you too lazy?  Too content? No need to apply.

So, in short an ideal candidate looks like this 

Black Police Officer, Pisces, muscular body, intellect to match.  Have I ever met such a creature?  Yes, I did.  We even went to the same school DeVry at the same time.  But we never noticed each other there.  I met him later, after he became a police officer. But it was not meant to be.  You think I am kidding?  Check it out, if you are in the force. Police Division (5*). Initials M.J.  Did you track him down? Well, say hello.

But these are only suggestions.  If you have a strategy of your own or other great qualities, go ahead and talk to me.  I will give you a chance, but only one.  Fair enough?

http://www.altrealm.com/

Do not worry, if you are meant for me, I will not miss you.

1. April 23, 2007    — Intake.

2. May 7, 2007       — Career Exploration Group, Day 1 (Facilitator #1 and Facilitator #2).

3. May 14, 2007     — Crisis, immediate intervenion, immediate counselling resources.

4. May 14, 2007    — Life Crisis Counsellour # 1 (Not JVS)

5. May 15, 2007    — Crisis – Manager – Intervention: “We cannot have in the group”.  Why? Because you disrupt the workshop for other participants. (In other words, they kicked me out).

6. May 16, 2007   — Action Plan # 2 – Scarborough Grace Hospital (Smart Move!!!)

Over 7 million copies in print. The best-selling job-hunting book in the world!  In twelve languages worldwide.  Bought by 20,000 people a month.

Please note how many numbers are in the text.  I will bet you anything that this book appeals mostly to Gold People who need a manual for everything, even for using a washroom.

I have bought this book and read it a couple of times.  I was trying to find out how can I find a job where I won’t be miserable.  This book was my start.  But it did not do much good.  When I came to the point when I had realized that I did not even remember anymore what I liked, I was weeping.

What did I know about Parachutes?

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.