...Pisces...begin to comprehend vaguely the secret of Time as an eternal NOW...

The Pisces Love Mystery

Just as the soul is symbolically “born” into the innocent thoughtlessness of Aries, it symbolically “dies” – or leaves the painful Earth plane – to enter into the sympathetic humility and mystical awareness of Pisces.  In the Piscean Sun Sign stage, evolving man and woman begin to comprehend vaguely the secret of Time as an eternal NOW – able to (in varying degrees) see the Past, Present and Future as one.  This is the soul’s third and final excursion into the sensitive Water Element – its fourth and final vibration as a Mutable Communicator – and the last experience under the feminine negative Night Forces.

Ideally, by the time the soul has reached the Pisces stage, it has attained spiritual enlightenment on its long journey through the Mysteries of Love experienced in the preceding eleven Sun Signs.  If not, then it must return to certain Sun Sign vibratory experiences on the astrological circle to learn lessons not absorbed because they were too hastily skimmed over in previous incarnated stages.  But each such return brings a new vulnerability to that Sun Sign lesson – a new inner urgency to master its positive essence and discard its negative.  Of course, some high or advanced souls, after reaching the Piscean stage, elect of their own choosing to return to Earth to rescue those still in darkness.  However, we are discussing here the average Pisces obligation and pattern.

Man and woman, on the Pisces level, have passed at least once through all twelve stages of initiation, and many have been required to fall back and retrace their steps hundreds of times in this experience, because Pisces is the most difficult of all the twelve Sun Signs to comprehend and master.  Usually such an accomplishment is not gained the first time around the wheel of life, except by intense desire and will, which is not to say such achievement is impossible – but it is a path, up until now, chosen by very few.  This is why astrology teaches that Pisces is “an old soul” – also the reason that on every Pisces man or woman is the epitome of spiritual grace; why some swim in waters dangerously close to the fires of Dante’s Inferno.  The Fish lives in two worlds, simultaneously experiencing both Heaven and Hell.

With the secret wisdom of the Piscean ruling planet, Neptune, Pisceans know that sadness and ugliness are not a part of God’s plan.  They have glimpsed the beauty of truth, and the brilliance of such mystical vision brings an urge to retreat from the negative vibrations of the Earth plane.  So Pisces often avoids confrontation and tension through the escape route of drugs, alcohol, daydreams, artistic creation, philosophical theorizing, meditation or religious retreat.  Pisceans may become teachers, monks, mystics, artists, musicians, composers, abstract mathematicians and highly intuitive scientists – or they may choose to swim down into the murky waters of alcoholism and drug addiction, even insanity.  It is, indeed, a difficult and complicated vibration for the soul, for this Sun Sign experience is fraught with temptation for the Pisces man or woman.

Because they’ve been “through it all” on a subconscious level, the Fishes have a natural compassion for the troubles of those around them.  The Neptunian soul is intimately familiar with life’s vicissitudes, understanding the weakness of human nature, therefore tending to pity, rather than to condemn, man’s and woman’s failings.  This is why these “old souls” so frequently become the recipients of everyone’s secrets, trials, worries and apprehensions.  Yet the initial instinct is to turn away form sticky entanglements in all forms.  Only when the Fish finds the courage to face his or her own problems with as much spiritual wisdom as is offered to others can the Neptune mysteries be fathomed.

Through this “death initiation” (death of the human ego) the soul grows more forgiving, more gentle, better able to understand its true relationship to the co-Creators…as Pisces affirms “I BELIEVE.”  To realize the full glory and truth of love, the Fish can, if he or she chooses, call on the innocence of Aries, the patience of Taurus, the awareness of Gemini, the perception of Cancer, the nobility of Leo, the discrimination of Virgo, the judgment of Libra, the penetration of Scorpio, the honesty of Sagittarius, the wisdom of Capricorn – and the humanitarianism of Aquarius.  But sometimes these many fragments of secret knowledge and talents serve only to confuse Pisces, causing the Fish to then take the easier path of passive nonresistance.

The Pisces positive qualities are humility, compassion, sensitivity, spiritual awareness, psychic comprehension, philosophic insight and a healing potential.  Expressed in their negative form they become timidity, apprehension, masochism, idleness, lying and weakness of will.

To Pisces, love is unselfish submission of the ego to the desires of the one needed to become Whole.  The Fish gains more pleasure from giving than from receiving, more happiness in serving than in being served.  Yet enigmatic Neptune tests the Pisces soul with the lure of multiple sexual and romantic experience – floating from one affair to another.

In such promiscuous manner – or by becoming a romantic recluse – does the wary Fish escape the dangers of being “hooked” by deep permanent emotional commitment.  But the Pisces man or woman who resists this temptation to avoid love’s pain by seeking only love’s pleasure…..is richly rewarded by the mastery of love’s final mystery.  He or she can then glimpse for the first time on the soul’s weary journey the true passion of blending in a trinity of mind, heart and spirit, resulting in a rare physical ecstasy – the ultimate Piscean fulfillment of Love’s long-ago Aries springtime promise of a miracle.

Aries demands Love, for like the infant, without Love, Aries dies.

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/e432214da761129af784bfc982fc2528/

The Aries Love Mystery

The soul, symbolically newborn in Aries (although not necessarily in its first earthly sojourn), relates to dawn, sunrise, spring and Easter – or the resurrection from its “death” in the previous sign of Pisces.

In this first excursion into the Fire Element – this experience as the first of the three Cardinal signs – the symbolically “newborn” soul projects the positive, masculine vibration of the Day Forces through the explosive vitality of the Aries planetary ruler, Mars.  Like a human infant totally self-absorbed, the Aries soul discovers with delight his or her own toes and fingers – its own physical beingness.  To satisfy all needs, only a loud cry is necessary, heard and answered by elders.  The real infant doubts or fears nothing or no one, simply because it has never experienced denial.  Likewise, the Aries “Infant” soul has a natural trust and a touching faith in the unseen force of goodness which will miraculously grant all its wishes.

On the Earth plane this beneficent force is represented by the parents; in a mystical sense, by our co-Creators.  And so they look tenderly upon the “newborn” Aries soul, as parents look tenderly upon their infant, lovingly protecting it from its own naivete, wisely denying some of the demands made through the excited awareness that the soul is – he has been born, and is here.  The Aries soul senses “I AM” or “I exist”.  And like the symbolic Infant, Aries men and women are oblivious to the possibilities of accident, pain or cruelty on life’s path.  He or she learns of these negative experiences only from those advanced beyond, who have gathered harshness, suspicion and the self-survival instinct from the growing process.

There’s a religious adage that all infants, since they die in a state of purity, immediately become angels.  Of course!  They have not yet met the devil of Temptation.  But if the Aries “Infant” survives, he or she must, like the real infant, time and time again, undergo the sharp disappointment of misplaced trust.  As the victim of unkindness, a lack of sympathy or abandonment, the newborn babe feels shocked, frightened, alone – then yells even louder for attention.  In the same manner (and for the same reasons) does the soul of the hurt and disillusioned Aries man or woman need and “seek acceptance, yet court rejection” – with a violent emotional reaction to neglect.

The positive qualities of Aries are a heart-tugging innocence and wonder, blind faith and raw courage.  Expressed in their negative forms, they can become selfish egotism, thoughtlessness, aggressiveness and impulsive action with no regard for the consequences.

To the Aries, Love is a necessity of life, which is taken for granted; for in its infancy of awareness, Love is synonymous with existence itself.  Therefore, devotion is instinctively expected and joyously accepted, but with little comprehension of how to return it.  Aries demands Love, for like the infant, without Love, Aries dies.  When emotional abandonment (symbolically) can mean death, even, the hint of it can bring on unreasonable panic, and inexplicable terror, calmed only by repeated reassurances.  Aries continually needs to be reminded that “if winter comes”…… the miracle of spring cannot be far behind.

The harderst part is giving up hope

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/e8d492a79df23d28a0bb2e35a1565e6b/

There must be a way to forget! I am still wondering why I cannot forget someone who cares so little for me, if he does at all. But that is precisely the reason – its his detachment, him being unattainable that drives me insane. And I feel that I am doing this to myself… It does not matter how much it hurts… No, it does… Are we addicted to this sweet pain?

Dedicated to Lincoln Phayze who always goes with the flow except for the times when he doesn’t.  Both of us are lost…

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/b37bd4f91ab74c2b5be4a419893cfda7/

That was an advice from somebody like me.  The gentleman in question works in the arts (I almost said “arts industry” and I was appalled by the ugliness of the expression).  Correction:  he used to work in the arts, but now he is in as much mess as I am.  He told me that once he was taking the program “The Artist’s Way” and one of the requirements was keeping a diary.  Yes, a diary.  Keeping a diary in order to awaken one’s creativity, reconnect with one’s creativity, and welcome one’s creativity back.  So the rules were simple enough – you wake up and write three pages without letting the pen stop.  The rule to remember is “Don’t get it right, get it written…”

It is a very catchy and encouraging phrase.  But no matter how encouraging a phrase may be, it still took me a while to actually start writing in my diary.  But I did.  I have some “volumes” completed, mostly filled with crap worth only getting rid of (by shredding, this detail is very important! LOL), but it does not matter.  It was not right, it was written.  My web-site contains very little of my private diary entries, it is more polished and edited. Of course.  Which course?  Moving on…

Of course. Which course? Do we know where we go?

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/d09d182bdef53d9a4b384576a47df417/

Am I creative?  We all are supposed to be creative, by the way…

Well, anyway, when I started this web-site, it was nearly impossible to find things to write about, and I stopped almost as soon I started.  Then I came back to it and I was more or less consistent.  There were some large gaps due to my mood swings.  When I am depressed, I feel like drowning, when I am high, I feel as if I am resurfacing…and what does it have to do with water I have no idea…  Maybe because I am a Water Sign?  Sometimes I dream that I fly so high and so skillfully…

In my dreams I fly so much higher

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/9f878a2f026418e54ca53b7917b261e9/

Coming back to the gaps.  There some of them, all due to polarity of my moods, doubts, losing faith, not really knowing what to do.  The last one started early in May when I finally found a part-time job, started dancing more and generally was busy with I don’t even remember what.  But I tried to come back.  There must be something about writing that I either like or need or maybe both.  Self-expression?  Letting out the pain?  Sharing my experience?  Pleasure of typing? LOL – yeah, that must be it, “pleasure of typing” – exercising my fine motor skills.

Exercising fine motor skills

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/5dc33cf6576d5f43e0de16fa8bf43253/

But the idea of “not getting it right, but getting it written” is very appealing.  I was reading some of my own posts from January and it turned out to be pleasant enough.  I have already forgotten the pain and the joy and details.  And it was nice to come back and see – my insanity (at one point), my pain, my suffering, and the progress I made.  So the verdict is “YES”, the point may very well be ZERO, but I should keep at it.  My diary, my web-site, “My life, my universe and everything”.  Life goes on and diary is only a reflection.  We all love mirrors, don’t we?

Or yes, we do.  Reflections, reflections, reflections…

Source:  http://www.hectorcasanova.net/art/pain.jpg

Excruciating pain, yet I haven’t reached that emotional threshold…

It is my umpteenth attempt to get to grips with my life.  I do procrastinate.  I do associate more pain with looking for a job than abstaining from it.  Well, starting tomorrow… Right!

“Morgen, morgen, nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute.”

The Force That Shapes Your Life

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 3, page 52

“Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humour and passion.” (Sir Thomas Browne)

What creates a hero, a heel, a criminal, a contributor?  What determines the difference in human actions?  Throughout my life, I have passionately sought the answer to these questions.  One thing is clear to me: human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.  We may not be aware of the reason consciously, but there is undoubtedly a single driving force behind all human behaviour.  This force impacts every facet of our lives, from our relationships and finances to our bodies and brains.  What is this force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life?  PAIN and PLEASURE!  Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.

So often I hear people talk about changes they want to make in their lives.  But they can’t get themselves to follow through.  They feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even angry with themselves because they know they need to take action, but they can’t get themselves to do it.  There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behaviour, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.

Understanding and utilizing the forces of pain and pleasure will allow you once and for all to create the lasting changes and improvements you desire for yourself and those you care about.  Failure to understand this force dooms you to a future of living in reaction, like an animal or a machine.  Perhaps this sounds like a complete oversimplification, but think about it.  Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do?

Source: http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/08/demotivators-depressing-anti-motivational-posters/

After all, what is procrastination?  It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it.  Why not?  The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off.  Yet, have you ever had the experience of putting something off for so long that suddenly you felt pressure to just do it, to get it done?  What happened?  You changed what you liked pain and pleasure to.  Suddenly, not taking action became more painful than putting it off.

[that is, of course, just a story of my life]

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary.” (Seneca)

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.”  (Anthony Robbins)

[I love when the author quotes himself!  Well, I am being sarcastic]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” (Marcus Aurelius)

“Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.”  (Lord Chesterfield)

Though we’d like to deny it, the fact remains that what drives our behaviour is instinctive reaction to pain and pleasure, not intellectual calculation.  Intellectually, we may believe that eating chocolate is bad for us, but we’ll still reach for it.  Why?  Because we’re not driven so much by what we intellectually know, but rather by what we’ve learned to link pain and pleasure to in our nervous systems.  It’s our neuro-associations – the associations we’ve established in our nervous systems – that determine what we’ll do.  Although we’d like to believe it’s our intellect that really drives us, in most cases our emotions – the sensations that we link to our thoughts – are what truly drive us.

Many times we try to override the system.  For a while we stick to a diet; we’ve finally pushed ourselves over the edge because we have so much pain.  We will have solved the problem for the moment – but if we haven’t eliminated the cause of the problem, it will resurface.  Ultimately, in order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour, and condition it until it’s consistent.  Remember, we will all do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

“I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.”  (Michel De Montaigne)

 

Source: http://image.healthhaven.com/Pain.htm

Remember, too, that it’s not actual pain that drives us, but our fear that something will lead to pain.  And it’s not actual pleasure that drives us, but our belief – our sense of certainty – that somehow taking a certain action will lead to pleasure.  We’re not driven by reality, but by our perception of reality.

“Nature has placed mankind under the government of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure… they govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it.”  (Jeremy Bentham)

Source: http://www.joyonthejob.info/transformingpainintopower/

Let’s make some changes right now

[I consider it my homework]

First, write down four actions that you need to take that you’ve been putting off.

Second, under each of these actions, write down the answer to the following questions:

-         Why haven’t I taken action?

-         In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

Third, write down all the pleasure you’ve had in the past by indulging in this negative pattern?

Fourth, write down what it will cost you if you don’t change now.  What will happen if you don’t stop eating so much sugar and fat?  If you don’t stop smoking?  If you don’t make that phone call that you know you need to make?  If you don’t start consistently working out each day?  Be honest with yourself.  What’s it going to cost you over the next two, three, four, five years?  What’s it going to cost you emotionally?  What’s it going to cost you in terms of your self-image?  What will it cost you in your physical energy level?  What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem?  What will it cost you financially?  What will it cost you in your relationships with the people you care about most?  How does that make you feel?  Don’t just say, “It will cost me money: or “I will be fat.”  That’s not enough.  You’ve got to remember that what drives us is our emotions.  So get associated and use pain as your friend, one that can drive you to a new level success.

The final step is to write down all the pleasure you’ll receive by taking each of these actions right now.

Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally, that will really get you excited:

-         I’ll gain the feeling of really being in control of my life, of knowing that I’m in charge.

-         I’ll gain a new level of self-confidence.

-         I’ll gain physical vitality and health.  I’ll be able to strengthen all my relationships.

-         I’ll develop more willpower, which I can use in every other area of my life.

-         My life will better in all these ways now.

-         Over the next two, three, four, five years.

-         By taking this action, I will live my dream.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/technowannabe/562918256/

Source: http://www.thelifechangeexperiment.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/decision-making-processes1.jpg

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” (Helen Keller)

Remembering the art of reframing  -  life is not a struggle, but an adventure.  So, forget about nothing, it is too much of an abstract idea.  Life cannot be nothing, but we can perceive it differently.  “Get a life!” say some.  It is, of course, not only rude, but also absurd.  All of us are alive; the question is what to do with those lives.  That is a matter of choice.  When we make choices, we make decisions and control our lives to a certain degree.  Correction.  Not to a certain degree, we are in total control, yet most of the time completely unaware of it.  I am trying to change my view on how to make decisions.  There is one post I made on making decisions,

http://www.altrealm.com/english/chapters/2009-07-26/jvs-wise-10-steps-in-decision-making/

But when I compared it with the strategy suggested by Anthony Robbins, I see that he is more relaxed about choices.  The most important part is to reach the destination, the route is less crucial.  Besides, we cannot possibly know all the outcomes of all the alternatives.  So we make decisions based on the information we have, which is always insufficient, inaccurate and “a subject to change without notice.”

Harness the Power of Making Decision

Anthony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”, Chapter 2, page  48

Remember the true power of making decisions.

It’s a tool you can use in any moment to change your entire life.  The minute you make a new decision, you set in motion a new cause, effect, direction, and destination for your life.  You literally begin to change your life the moment you make a new decision.  Remember that when you start feeling overwhelmed, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or when things are happening “to” you, you can change it all if you just stop and decide to do so.  Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action.  If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.

Realize that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment – a true decision.

Carrying out your commitment is often much easier than the decision itself, so make your decisions intelligently, but make them quickly.  Don’t labor forever over the question of how or if you can do it.  Studies have shown that the most successful people make decisions rapidly because they are clear on their values and what they really want for their lives.  The same studies show that they are slow to change their decisions, if at all.  On the other hand, people who fail usually make decisions slowly and change their minds quickly, always bouncing back and forth.  Just decide!

Realize that decision-making is a kind of act in itself, so a good definition for a decision might be “information acted upon”.  You know you’ve truly made a decision when action flows from it.  It becomes a cause set in motion.  Often the effect of making a decision helps create the attainment of a larger goal.  A critical rule I’ve made for myself is never to leave the scene of a decision without first taking a specific action toward its realization.

Make decisions often

The more decisions you make, the better you’re going to become at making them.  Muscles get stronger with use, and so it is with your decision-making muscles.  Unleash your power right now by making some decisions you’ve been putting off.  You won’t believe the energy and excitement it will create in your life!

Learn from your decisions.

There’s no way around it.  At times, you’re going to screw up, no matter what you do.  And when the inevitable happens, instead of beating yourself into the ground, learn something.  Ask yourself, “What’s good about this?  What can I learn from this?”  This “failure” may be an unbelievable gift in disguise if you use it to make better decisions in the future.  Rather than focus on the short-term setback, choose instead to learn lessons that can save you time, money, or pain, and that will give you the ability to succeed in the future.

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.

Once you’ve decided who you want to be as a person, for example, don’t get stuck on the means to achieving it.  It’s the end you’re after.  Too often, in deciding what they want for their lives, people pick the best way they know at the time – they make a map – but then don’t stay open to alternate routes.  Don’t become rigid in your approach.  Cultivate the art of flexibility.

Enjoy making decisions.

You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.

If you really want your life to be passionate, you need to live with this attitude of expectancy.

[…]

Know that it’s your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.  Before we learn the technology for changing how you think and how you feel every day of your life, I want you remember that, in the final analysis, everything you’ve read in this book is worthless… every other book you’ve read or tape you’ve heard or seminar you’ve attended is worthless…unless you decide to use it.  Remember that a truly committed decision is the force that changes your life.  It’s a power available to you in any moment if you decide to use it.

Prove to yourself that you’ve decided now.  Make one or two decisions that you’ve been putting off: one easy decision and one that’s a bit more difficult.  Show yourself what you can do.  Right now, stop.  Make at least one clear-cut decision that you’ve been putting off – take the first action toward fulfilling it – and stick to it!  By doing this, you’ll be building that muscle that will give you the will to change your entire life.

You and I both know that there are going to be challenges in your future.  But […] if you’ve decided to get past the walls, you can climb over them, you can break through them, you can tunnel under them, or you can find a door.  No matter how long a wall has stood, none has the power to withstand the continued force of human beings who have decided to persist until it has fallen.  The human spirit truly is unconquerable.  But the will to win, the will to succeed, to shape’s one life, to take control, can only be harnessed when you decide what you want, and believe that no challenge, no problem, no obstacle can keep you from it.  When you decide that your life will ultimately be shaped not by conditions, but by your decisions, then in that moment, your life will change forever, and you will be empowered to take control…

David Bisbal – Bulería

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTm-Q43ZQek&feature=channel

Note: Since I don’t speak Spanish, the translation is done with the online translator, so it is lame, my apologies.

The lyrics are rather strange, yet… who knows why I like this song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6JcmQgx1fg&feature=related 

I am alone…

You are alone, you are without me like the wind

Leave so nobody will take notice

Leave behind my back

I am fine without you

Maybe one of the reasons that I like this song is that I am in the “parting” mode.  Today is only Day 2.

Уходи, чтобы никто и не заметил…

Уходи так, чтоб никто и не заметил
Уходи за моей спиной
Мне уже хорошо одной

Одна…

Я одна, я без тебя стою с тобою

Я – вина, моя вина перед собою

Мне бы сделать один лишь шаг

Чтобы быть все могло не так

И чтобы было с чего начать

Не молчать…

Одна на небе сна

Одна ниточка боль

Я в туман собрала

Из разлуки с тобой

Из обиды стена

Одна посреди нас

Я с тобою одна

Одна завтра, сейчас

Ты один, ты без меня один, как ветер

Уходи так, чтоб никто и не заметил

Уходи за моей спиной

Мне уже хорошо одной

Я как в небе сестра Луна

Одна…

Одна на небе сна

Одна ниточка боль

Я в туман собрала

Из разлуки с тобой

Из обиды стена

Одна посреди нас

Я с тобою одна

Одна завтра, сейчас

Долго друг друга помнили – не помнили

Мы ничего не поняли, не поняли

Как мы с тобой то верили – не верили

Так я теперь одна, теперь одна

Одна на небе сна

Одна ниточка боль

Я в туман собрала

Из разлуки с тобой

Из обиды стена

Одна посреди нас

Я с тобою одна

Одна завтра, сейчас

Одна…

Я одна, одна без тебя

Trying to stick to the theme – LOVE.  I fell in love but again not with a person, but with an illusion.  I will see how February turns out.  I made a resolution – to disappear from his horizon starting February 1^st.  Keeping resolutions is, of course, much harder than making them.  So, we talked on February 3^rd.  Does not matter.  From now on, I have to disappear…

Why would I want to forget?

I cannot write. About anything.  Yes, that bad.

Forget about love.  Not happening.

Not making love, not falling in love.

Only forgetting.

I will forget, forget, forget…………………………………………………………………

“You will not touch my heart”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0aO5ZVK_C4

You will not touch my heart;

you will not take it and break it.

Just go and never return.

Without you, I will still be alive.

My pain… I cannot describe it. I am having a conversation with my Pain.

Yet, it will go away, too.

My wings, I will give them to passers-by…

There is only one thing left, to replace love with something else…

Point of No Return. Countdown: Ready, set, go!!!

Conversation:

He:       I will return.

Me:      You will forget about my existence in a month or two.

            And, no, you will not return.

He:       No, I will not forget. Maybe you will forget me in a month.

So, the clock is set. Ciao, darling, ciao. Let’s see who is more forgetful.  Not that I don’t know.  I wish I could forget so easily.  It is a skill, maybe I should master it?

Another skill to master – insight – trusting intuition.

Why did I fall in love with non-entity?

When it is hopeless, should I still hope?

Maybe I should.  There must be the one who would be able to return my feelings.  That clock has been set when I was born.  Still nobody is in sight… insight.

Tango – When it is hopeless

«Знать и чувствовать, что злое «никогда» – не просто слово, а моя судьба, что учит без надежды жить любя…»

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyooF_UTJAk&feature=related

To know and feel that spiteful “never” is not just a word, but my fate that teaches me to continue living with love and without hope…

At this time it is the favourite expression of my son.  “Just forget it.  Everything will be fine.”

“Remembering is only a new form of suffering.”
— Charles Baudelaire

I could not agree more.  Keeping a diary is a way of remembering.  Therefore a diary is a torture device to a certain extent.  I still keep one, but I think I need a new one.  I have outgrown the pains of the old one.  Time to start another chapter of my life.