I don’t remember anything about him, but this conversation.  Like so many others he knew what was wrong with me and what exactly I should do about it.

He:       420? J

She:      Wrong person! I do realize what is happening most of the time.

            And I would assume you did not read my Profile

            I will change it again soon

He:       I looked like a song to me

She:      It is (I think it was “I will survive by Diana Ross)

            You know what it is about?

He:       that was I figured

She:      don’t treat me like shit

He:       it’s about a woman did nothing wrong and is blaming a guy for everything

He:       I figured you could use a good f-ck

(Ladies pay attention – he is problem-solving!!!)

She:      What, are you the one?

            Are you a good f-ck?

He:       I’m the great f-ck LOL, looks like you have some issues to work out

She:      I certainly do, Mr. Intuitive

            Did you listen to that song, check it out

            By Diana Ross

He:       I did hear that song, I can play that song, it’s really misguided

She:      I have plenty others

            I must run off

He:       name one

She:      Habibi ya nour el ain

He:       Are you Jewish?

She:      no

He:       Then what’s with the Habibi

She:      go to youtube.com and paste it and listen

He:       LOL you don’t have very good taste in music

            Are you Russian?

She:      Well, I have my issues to think about.

            Yes (meaning, yes, I am Russian)

He:       Ha-ha, trust but verify you do have issues

She:      with a really bad taste in music and a lot of issues

He:            apparently so

            Who could use a good f-cking

She:      that is why so many men really like/love me

He:       LOL, I bet

She:      But you do not stand a f-cking chance, so off I go

He:       LOL, trust me, you are so f-cked up for me,

as normal and righteous as you probably think you are

            you are at the end of the spectrum that is wrong with the world today

She:      you will be the judge.

            It is nice to know that neither of us interested in another.

            That is what I call a GOOD MATCH

A friend told me “Toronto sucks!”  I strongly disagree, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot make my friend see the real problem.  He is clueless why he is sooo unhappy.  Like most of us, he is playing “blaming game”. 

• It is not my fault that Toronto sucks.
• It is not my fault that my job sucks.
• It is not my fault that my marriage sucks.
• It is not my fault that my life sucks.

Sounds familiar?  But whose fault is it?  That is where it all begins.  Pain. 

• Pain of everyday life.
• Pain of existence.
• Pain of depression.
• Pain of inertia.
• Pain of indecision and lack of will to make some changes.
• Pain of not belonging.
• Pain of loneliness.
• Pain of not being understood.

Remember the art of reframing?  Using Pain to Power Vocabulary:

It is a Problem             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             It is an Opportunity

I can’t                          = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I won’t

It’s not my fault             = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =             I am totally responsible

So here it goes.  Substitution.  Simple.  I am totally responsible for everything that I have in my life.  In short, I deserve what I have.  If I think I deserve something better, I should make an effort to get it.  How?  Here comes the “How get what you want” theory. 

There are only two steps:

1. Define what you want (it is the hardest part).
2. Go get it.

How?  Figure it out.  If you really want it, you will find the way.  Motivation only comes from within.  And, pleaaase, don’t ask for explanations.  When you do so, it is the same if you would ask me to chew your food for you.  You should find your own way – brainstorm, do your research, find resources, problem-solve.

How do I solve my problems?  I started out like everybody else.  Clueless.  I blamed everyone in my life: my mother, my friends, my husband, and my stupidity.  I listened to others.  Oh, boy!  People seemed to be experts in solving my problems.

• You are too old
• You are too fat
• You analyze too much
• You are too intelligent
• Be humble
• Zip it up
• You have too much education
• You are overqualified
• Take your perversions somewhere else
• You are very bitter
• You are angry
• You will never get a job
• You will never find like-minded people
• You will never get published
• We cannot have you in the group because you require special attention

Well, here is goes “we cannot”.  That was JVS.  We cannot have you in the program.  It was JVS who gave me the Binder – the Manual with the “Art of Reframing”.  So, let’s substitute.

We won’t have you in the program.  End of story.  Not quite.  But they kicked me out.  I was too much for them.  That was May 2007.  As one of my new friends said – it is SO 2007.  That was the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  Well, Bipolar or not I am not going to give up.  That is my solution “Never Give Up!”

For example,

It is a problem ==> It is an opportunity.

It is a good substitution; however, when you start to substitute the word “problem” with the word “opportunity” every time, it becomes nonsensical.  Sometimes funny. Take your pick.

I am a natural problem-solver. So, now, I am an opportunity-solver.  “What is your problem?” becomes “what is your opportunity?” No, really!  What is your opportunity?