Et si tu n’existais pas
Je crois que je l’aurais trouvé
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder

Above all, I like beauty, balance, and harmony.  It may come as existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating as the scent of fresh rain mixed with the air of spring or melancholic, enigmatic and refined.

I cannot remember how many times I have been asked what I am looking for.  The only answer I can come with is Pure Happiness.  As simple as that.  I have learned to enjoy small things in life, here and now, a cup of coffee, a walk, a good conversation, a smile from a stranger, a sound of rain, snow falling on my eyelashes.  I am not looking for perfection, which in my opinion does not exist anyways.

Existence inspiring, uplifting and intoxicating

Source: http://vi.sualize.us/view/kallini2002/7052d8370eacfe4b12ffa31eb111d0b1/

I am looking for a kindred spirit, a man I can fall in love with, totally losing myself and yet having the luxury of remaining myself.  Eyes I can drown in I find totally irresistible.  Anything that has depth to it.  Dark clouds, oceans, mirror effects, reflections, fluidity, illusions, allusions, formlessness.

Foreign languages, literature, films, poetry, images, paradoxes, songs that reflect my mood, dancing, some insanity once in awhile, passion, fall colours, colours Blue and Orange for one reason, colours Dark Maroon and Deep Wine-Red for quite another, courage, absurdity, intensity, character, sense of humour, philosophy, quotes.

Things I don’t like, though.  Over explaining.

I hate  verbal diarrhea and mental constipation.  Especially combined.  Arrogance.  Righteousness.  Pretence.  Superficiality.  Indifference.

There is not much to say about LavaLife.  How did I start writing on my web-site?  It was a suggestion.  Oh, why don’t you make a web site and write there whatever you want?  I was not so eager because I never knew what to write about.  Baring my soul?  No, thank you very much.

Oh, well, write, for example, how to date on LavaLife.  How to date on LavaLife?  How do I know?  I am not an expert on dating.  My experience on LavaLife is so insignificant, that my conclusions would be hardly of any interest to anyone.

The difficulties that I had?  Writing profiles.  I started with one which proved to be worse than another and I ended up with having no profile and therefore no activity at all.  My picture sends a totally wrong message – “oh, you are so sexy!”.  Maybe I am, but I am not interested in men who look for “oh, you are so sexy” women.  I wanted to see what other women write, but I did not know how to access their profiles.  Now I know, but I am not sharing that knowledge.  I am not interested in finding women, mind you, just curious what they write and what kind of pictures they do post.

Most of the time, I find LavaLife a waste of time, but there is still a slight hope that something might come out of it.  We will see.

Everything takes shape with time.  Or loses it.  So, I wrote a new profile and started treating LavaLife as a social experiment, as one of the guys I met put it.  If there would be any results I might share them.

1.      The Doer

2.      The Thinker

3.      The Creator

4.      The Helper

5.      The Persuader

6.      The Organizer

Once you score on the six variables, you have to select three dominant ones and figure out all possible combinations.

So my score was:

1.      The Doer (31)

2.      The Thinker (36)

3.      The Creator (45)

4.      The Helper (45)

5.      The Persuader (29)

6.      The Organizer (32)

Now, in order to make sense out of it, I select three dominant types:

1.      Helper

2.      Creator

3.      Thinker

All possible combinations:

1.      Helper – Creator

2.      Helper – Thinker

3.      Creator – Helper

4.      Creator – Thinker

5.      Thinker – Helper

6.      Thinker – Creator

The occupations that appealed to me (back in 2007):

1.      Helper – Creator

a.       Early Childhood Educator (4214)

b.      Teacher (English as a second Language) (4141)

2.      Helper – Thinker

a.       Computer Trainer (4131)

b.      Psychologist – Counselling (4151)

c.       Career Counsellor (4213)

d.      Social Worker (4152)

3.      Creator – Helper

a.       Art Therapist (3144)

b.      Cooking Teacher (4141)

c.       Dance Instructor (5134)

d.      Dance Therapist (3144)

e.       Interior Decorator (6421)

4.      Creator – Thinker

a.       Author (5121)

b.      Biographer (5121)

c.       Casting Agent (5226)

d.      Computer Graphics Designer (5241)

e.       Journalist Investigative (5123)

f.        Theatre/Film Critic (5123)

5.      Thinker – Helper

a.       Experimental Psychologist (4151)

b.      Private Detective (6465)

c.       Teacher – Computer Science (4141)

d.      Sociologist (4169)

6.      Thinker – Creator

a.       Interpreter – Foreign Language (5125)

Ö       Maybe I lost my steam.

Ö       Maybe I am not interested in the story anymore.

Ö       Maybe I am just tired.

Ö       Maybe something (or somebody) killed my inspiration.

But I know I must finish the story.  So, from what angle should I approach this JVS business?

Remember my JVS Profile? 

I was Blue (14) – Green (10) – Gold (9) – Orange (7).

But not for long.  Once I read the book “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”, I started doing it.  Doing it despite my fear…  I overcame my fear and became a rather scary person for others.  This society is ruled by FEAR.  So, I started discovering that my second defining COLOUR is Orange, not Green.  I started doing things that I have never done before.  Instead of complying, conforming and generally being a good girl, I started pushing the boundaries and testing the waters.  In order to find out what will happen if I do this and that, I should not sit and speculate, I should do it.  That how testing is done.  Call it research.  I call it CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.  ACTION AND CONSEQUENCE.

The next day after JVS had kicked me out (had asked me nicely to go), I went to the hospital (Scarborough Grace it was called in 2007, well no longer, but does it matter?) and I did a research there on how they would they treat me.  Oh, boy. Did I get results?

The Hospital stories are yet to come.  For now, I will try to finish the JVS Story.

1. Communication: influence, motivate, persuade.

2. Creative Expression: design, food preparation, create images, compose.

3. Physical: use body coordination.

The rest of the skills:

1. Humanitarian. Major: listen, coach, counsel. Secondary: advocate, take care of others. Minor: provide hospitality, train, instruct.

2. Communication. Major: explain, influence/persuade, facilitate groups, motivate. Secondary: interview. Minor: write.

3. Leadership. Major: initiate. Secondary: coordinate, decision-makikng. Minor: plan, mediate, delegate, negotiate, implement, follow through, supervise, organize.

4. Mental/Analytical. Major: solve problems (or opportunities? LOL), observe. Secondary: analyze, research, evaluate. Minor: budget, calculate/compute, categorize.

5. Mental/Creative. Major: use of memory, sythesize, use intuition, visualize, conceptualize, brainstrorm, demostrate foresight, improvise.

6. Creative Expression. Secondary: design, craft-making, food preparation, create images. Minor: compose/author.

7. Physical. Major: use body coordination. Minor: hand dexterity.

 “The World Rocking Manual. How to get ahead of competition”. Ishq Ka Kalma Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal (Rock my World)

1. Make me laugh.  You will get my attention.

2. Be outstanding.  Find a way.  Dull conversation is not it.

3. Do not pretend to be something that you are not. 

Who I am? Quoting others:

1. You are a woman to fall in love at first sight.

2. How can I ever forget you?

3. Why would I resist a beautiful woman like you?

4. Toronto’s best-kept secret (one of your competitors on Lava told me that).

5. I love the sound of your smile.

 

Virgo, Pisces, Scorpio men have unfair advantage.  Tauruses no need to apply.   I have a weakness for the men of colour and police officers.  No, it is not the uniform.  I love people who speak several languages, at least more than one. Accents definitely a turn on, but I should be able to understand you with ease. Sexy voices. 

High sex drive. Performance will be graded.  25% of my men had problems.  Oh, really?  Really.  That bad.  Intimate pictures are not required, size matters but only a point.  It was not your choice exactly, was it?  Skills, however, are up to you to develop.  Are you too lazy?  Too content? No need to apply.

So, in short an ideal candidate looks like this 

Black Police Officer, Pisces, muscular body, intellect to match.  Have I ever met such a creature?  Yes, I did.  We even went to the same school DeVry at the same time.  But we never noticed each other there.  I met him later, after he became a police officer. But it was not meant to be.  You think I am kidding?  Check it out, if you are in the force. Police Division (5*). Initials M.J.  Did you track him down? Well, say hello.

But these are only suggestions.  If you have a strategy of your own or other great qualities, go ahead and talk to me.  I will give you a chance, but only one.  Fair enough?

http://www.altrealm.com/

Do not worry, if you are meant for me, I will not miss you.

To tell you the truth, I outgrew my fear. Of what? Of life, the universe and everything. What is the point of hiding? Exactly. So, I am who I am.

Remember the book I was talking about? “Do What You are”? I was not joking. My diagnosis – INFP – “Still Waters Run Deep”. The same answer I got, when I did the Quiz “Your Sexuality” when I was 16. And I was clueless about sex. You see, it is not about sex, it is about your personality. It does not change. What I can change? My attitude and my behaviour. I accept rejection. I accept that I am afraid. I am not going to settle for things I do not like. I am a fighter. You do not like it? Too bad.

To simplify: I am crazy, I am serious and I am Russian (Canadian). And I proud of it all!!!

Favourite Quotes:     “Brevity is the sister of talent.” Anton Chekhov   “In this life there’s nothing new in dying, But not, of course, is living any newer.” (Serguei Yesenin)   “Make ‘em laugh; make ‘em cry; make ‘em wait.” Charles Read (Advice to young author on writing novels)   “Not a shred of evidence exists that life is serious!” Jan Marshall   “Ships in harbour are safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” John Shedd   “The best way out is always through.” Helen Keller   “There is not sin except stupidity.” Oscar Wilde (An Ideal Husband)   “What is passion? That sickness so sweet, Either early or late, Will vanish at reason’s protesting; And life, if you ever, attentive and cool, contemplate, Is but empty and meaningless jesting.” (Mikhail Lermontov)   “When I grow up, I want to be a little boy.” Joseph Heller   “Where’s the sense in being proud when you consider that Man, as a species, is not very well constructed physiologically, and of the vast majority of cases is coarse, stupid, and profoundly unhappy, too?”

Personality Dimensions:

1st Colour — Blue (14): core need – self-actualization, seeks harmony, tries to make world a better place

2nd Colour — Green (10): analytical and systematic, intellectual stimulation; knowledge and competence

3rd Colour — Gold (9): duty and responsibility, security, stability, order and plan

4th Colour — Orange (7): freedom, activity and variety, doers, risk-takers

Work Values: 1. Friendship 2. Help Society 3. Influence People

Personal Strengths: Reasonable, Sincere, Strong-minded

Work Strengths: Cooperative, Reliable, Teachable

Skills Scan:

1. Communication: influence, motivate, persuade;

2. Creative Expression: design, craft-making, create images, compose (creative writer)

3. Physical: use body coordination

Knowledge-based skills: 1. computer skills, 2. secretarial, 3. sciences, 4. gymnastics

That is the best part: WHO AM I?

1. The Helper is humanistic, kind and perceptive

2. The Creator is non-conforming, idealistic and imaginative

3. The Thinker is analytical, creative and independent

Barriers: 1. inertia (checkmark), 2. health factors (checkmark), 3. inadequate education (bullshit!), 4. finances.